Reply (Rant?) to an anonymous comment

"Father, 'We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.' -M. L. King "

This comment was left by an anonymous commenter on my limerick post. Now, the comment was made on MLK day, so it could have just been an MLK post, but I think the preamble, "Father" would make me think it was a judgement.

First: Please, if you wish to judge me, be considerate enough to take responsibility for your judgement. If you are not secure enough with your opinion to claim it, maybe you should not be passing it around yet.

Second: God made sexuality and God made humor. Have we really contemplated what Superman Sex would be like? My humor is part of who God made me to be. My sexuality is part of who God made me to be. My blog is where I chat with my friends. If my friends can't handle my humor, then...

Third: Do we expect more of our clergy than we expect of ourselves? If so, why? Maybe we should question the double standard.

Fourth: I think some of the problem with our churches today is that we have lost our sense of humor and we have lost touch with our humanity. We are human and God does not ask us to be anything more. I find that I actually seem to touch more people when I am not in a call than when I am. Maybe because people get to know know me as a person and not as a title.

Well, that was a bit of a rant. Sorry. Maybe Fr. Ben should not rant either. Maybe clergy should be just what the media portrays them to be: laughable, clueless, milk toast, bumbling, simpletons.

Kitty Addictions

We have a guest writer today! Claudia, one of Ben's (and now Nick's) cats takes to the keyboard.

Hello, My name is Claudia and I am a plastiholic.

I just can't help myself. If I see a plastic bag, I have to lick it. I just can't help myself. I feel ashamed when one of my dad's catches me doing it; but I would risk a scolding just to lick plastic.

And as I lick, I begin to chew. The feel of my fangs piercing the plastic just makes me purr! The thicker the plastic, the better I love chewing it! Oh, PURRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr...........

And if I can't find plastic, Styrofoam will do. Styrofoam is a little more dangerous. I have more chance of getting caught; the foam makes more noise when I chew on it and my dads are more likely to bust me.

But there is a new love in my life... BUBBLE WRAP! I can't help myself when it comes to bubble wrap! Oh the thrill of having my fangs pop all of those tiny little bubbles! On it is so great! I will go searching out bubble wrap. Even when my dad's put it up so I can't get to it, I search out that wonderful wrap! I will go searching on chairs and table just to find the wrap.

Sometimes I am so ashamed, but not often!

My name is Claudia, and I am a plastiholic.

New Poll

Vote on my new poll!

A Sunday Morning Limerick

There once was a man named Clark Kent

Who sperm out his penis had sent

When it hit Lois Lane

It shattered her brain

She should never have sucked on that gent.

Letters I Wish'd I Had Sent

This will probably make no sense to anyone out there, but "them's the breaks!"

Dear Subject Matter "Expert"

I am so sorry I asked you to do your job. You are paid to be the "expert" on the subject, so when I have a question, I would expect you to know the answer. Maybe that is too much to ask. I keep forgetting that you were the one who trained us, so, since you trained us, and we still don't know it, why should you know it now?

Just telling me "It's in the database," doesn't tell me that I am looking to create an "office location document." All that I know is that the little thingy on the bottom of the screen doesn't say, "Office." The database doesn't say, "How to make the little thingy on the bottom of the screen say office." So when I ask you for help, it is not because I am lazy, it is because I am being asked to do something that YOUR training didn't prepare me to do.

And making me feel like an idiot while I have a customer on the line is an ideal form of customer service. Let's make the customer wait while I learn my lesson. This is a great way to make our goal of being a "World Class Service Desk."

Maybe if during training you actually did some training instead of showing us on-line videos or talking about your sex life, we might know what a location document is and not have to come running to you for help. But you didn't teach us that. Frankly, you hardly taught us anything. Now, you get pissed when we ask you questions. Maybe we are pointing out just how bad a teacher you really are?

Don't you ever again just look at me like I am stupid and then walk away. I almost quit this evening, but it is not me who is doing the job badly, it is you who did a bad job of training and are now feeling pressed upon because we all are coming to you for help. Just because it is in the database doesn't mean I can find it. (And we won't even mention the stuff in the database that is over seven years out of date.) If I have not gotten enough training to let me know what to look for, I will NEVER find it! So asshole, when I ask for help, help me! We can have the "teachable moment" later. Now, there is a customer on the phone who is getting pissed. And I am getting pretty pissed too.

Living vs Existing

This has been the struggle of my past few days.

I go into work and count the hours until I leave. Then I go home and try to get some life in before going to bed. Then it is up the next day and back to work. Then it is the count until the weekend and the all too quick weekend and then back to work.

Is that all there is?

It seems to me that there has got to be something more. I feel like I am existing but I am not living. I want to look forward to the day, not dread the coming day. Joseph Campbell talks about "following your bliss" and that is what I want to do. I just don't know how to go about doing it.

I actually think selling the house may be a good thing. A smaller place with smaller payments opens the door to other jobs. If I don't need to make a ton of bucks to afford to live, maybe I can do more living.

Part of my problem, also, is that I am "flighty." Things capture my attention and then I am on to something else. I get bored with things quickly. I want to try to use this, cause that is the way God made me, instead of cursing it. Society tells me I should curse it, but what does society know? (Society told me I should be with a woman too!)

Humm....

Time to go to work.

Weekend Havoc

Well, it was a weekend.

Nick told how fast this weekend went. I almost feel like it didn’t happen! At least we were not driving all over eastern Michigan. I guess that was a good thing.

We got most of the Christmas stuff down, which is always a sad thing for me. I got teary realizing that this would probably be the last Christmas in my house. This is the first house I have ever bought and I had plans of staying here for a long time. So as I turned off the tree lights for the last time, it kind of hit me hard.

I was wondering why this would hit me so hard and why this would be so different than if I were just moving. If I were just moving, it would be a choice that I made. I feel that this is something that is happening to me. I know that I chose the path I am on, I just get so frustrated at the direction this path is moving.

When I moved into the house, I was planning on being here for a good long time. I had dreams of what I could do with this house. Now I have only been in the house for two years and it feels like my home is being dragged out from under me.

And then there are all the Christmas things tied into it. There is the hope that is drilled into us from a million Christmas movies that suddenly everyone will be nice, good, and loving. There is the expectation that the world will find peace and all of our problems will go away. There is Ebenezer Scrooge running through town in his nightshirt, all of his problems gone. But Christmas didn’t bring those gifts. The problems are still there and the deconstruction of the Christmas tree is a reminder that things will not be getting miraculously better. It was a hard jolt.

Nick keeps reminding me to trust that God is in this, and I do trust. But sometimes I get so tired. And then poor Nick has to listen to me lament when he is going through some pretty major transitions for himself. Sometimes this just blind-sides me.

I did go to the local Episcopal church this Sunday and I think it will be good. I can get back into the “church thing” and hopefully find a congregation. I am looking forward to being in a leadership position. It was also nice to be with Nick in a church, other than an MCC church, and be open about Nick being my partner. Actually, this weekend had many moments of Nick and I being a pair. That was nice.

I am going to end this now. Probably more later.

Trump on Today

I was watching the Trupster today on Today this morning, and the guy went down a whole lot of pegs in my book. Actually, so much that I’m thinking of deleting my TIVO programming for The Apprentice because of it.

If you didn’t see it, Meredith asked The Donald about the feud between he and Rosie O’Donnell. Good ol’ Donald proceeded to make comments about Rosie’s weight and comments that could only be categorized as homophobic.

Someone with that much power should not need to stoop to name calling. I may not have always agreed with the Trumpster, but at least he seemed to be a man of character. Now, I don’t know.

Angie's Is Open in Coral

I wanted to ask, “Ok, where is the camera hidden?”

For months, Nick and I have seen these signs all over the place stating, “Angie’s Is Open In Coral!” Now when I say all over the place, I mean even where two roads cross in the middle of a bunch of fields, there is a sign. And not just one sign on an intersection, multiple signs.

So, Nick and I decide to go to Angie’s for a late lunch, early dinner after moving a bunch of Nick’s stuff. I had driven through Coral earlier that day and saw a 5 ft. chalkboard telling that Angie’s had all you could eat fish for $4.50. We both thought this was a good deal so we went inside.

I should have just turned around and left upon entering. The place was dark and smelled of smoke. It reminded me of my Grandma’s kitchen but not nearly as welcoming. There was a sign over the cash register which said, “All You Can Eat Fish, $4.50. In the middle of the room was a table with a young girl and a little baby and a woman that I can only describe as a crone. The crone was smoking. There was a plasma screen TV along the far wall among stacked Christmas decorations. On the TV was the National Geographic show, “In the Womb Animals.” The show was dealing with the gestation and birth of an elephant. (Watching 250 lbs. of slimy baby elephant emerging from mama elephant’s nether regions really makes for a wonderful dining experience.)

We found a table as far as possible from the chimneys, which was hard considering they were sitting in the middle of the room. We sat down and the waitress came over and asked us what we would like. We both ordered the All You Can Eat Fish. We were both told that, “We only have that on Friday night.” We were then told if we would like it, the waitress guessed they could make some for us. We both decided to order from the menu.

I will have to say that the wet burrito I ordered and the chicken strips and fries Nick had were good. And for the price, it wasn’t too bad. But when one of the customer’s began to speak to us and I felt like it was Boomhauer from “King of the Hill,” I knew it was going to be the last time I went to Angie’s.

It was real, and it was fun, but it wasn’t real fun.

But I did learn that a baby elephant’s toe nails become soft before it is born so that it doesn’t rip up its mother’s birth canal. Now, you couldn’t have had lunch without knowing that!

Some Initial 2007 Thoughts

Well, Happy New Year!

When I look back, I really don’t know what I will feel about 2006. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the year of my discontent.”

I would like to say that 2006 was a horrible year. It was the year that I lost my job. It is the year I butchered my credit rating. It is the year I spent a fortune on cell phone bills. But it also was a great year. It was the year I grew closer to Nick. It is the year I came out to my family, friends, and congregation. It is the year I went to San Antonio. It is the year I became an Episcopalian. So good things and bad things have happened. In some ways, it is so yin-yang, some of the bad things had to happen for the good things to happen.

It is so hard to anticipate the good things when you are in the midst of the bad things. It is hard to trust in God when all around you God seems to be hiding. But it is that trust, that faith, that kept me going. (Well, faith and the strong arms and strong heart of Nick!) And it is that faith that keeps me going now.

I certainly hope this upcoming year is a whole lot easier than the last. But in saying that, I have probably jinxed myself. That would be the case if I believed in jinxes. But I do believe things will get better.

I hope for you all the New Year is challenging enough to be interesting but predictable enough to be comforting.

Happy New Year!

To all my cyber friends out there!

Happy New Year!

I hope this year brings you all much love, joy, and happiness!

Life Passing By

Someone I work with says that life is too short to work at a job you don’t like.

I wonder: Is he onto something or is he just too naïve to know better? I really hate living my life waiting for the time I can leave the job and then dreading the time when I have to go back. It seems like there should be more to life than just that.

There was the one guy, many years ago, who really convicts me. I forgot his name, but he said that everything we do, we should do it for the glory of God. I guess I am a bit too self-centered for that. I just wish I could get to the point of realizing that I can offer my day up as a gift to God.

I guess I just get too ADD. I want the good stuff to happen NOW! But I guess what I forget is the good stuff IS happening now. As that country song says, “This is the good stuff.”

I have four days off. That will hopefully be enough to allow me to again approach the job with some excitement.

First Walk Through

I had the realtor over today. We walked through the house looking at what needs to be done. (I mean other than just cleaning the place up.) Actually, it really does not need a lot of work. The house has a ton of character and we just need to play that up. Tons of stuff in boxes and those in the basement. Now, all we need is about three inches of snow to make the whole neighborhood look clean and crisp.

Nick moving in will help. He is bringing a bed and that can go in the spare, spare room to make it look more like a room. The spare room will stay an office, just a little cleaning to do there.

Nick Mentioned It, So I will Post It.

Nick posted about the glass Santa I made for him this Christmas. He loves it (or he is a good liar) and I am pretty proud of it.

Christmas Rehash

Christmas was really quite good this year. It was really different for me. I usually have a bunch of stuff to do during the Advent/Christmas/New Year season. There is usually the Advent stuff. There is the Christmas stuff. There is the Michigan Youth Gathering between Christmas and New Year. As a pastor, it was kind of a blur from the Sunday after Thanksgiving until I just about coughed my lung up from a cold after the first of the year.

This year, none of that happened. I did "direct" the choir at Nick's church during Advent, but that wasn't too bad. That is why I put direct into quotes; I just arranged practice, not much directing there. But for the most part, I could make Christmas presents, relax, and enjoy the season. And I am so happy I don't have to go and spend four days and three nights with a bunch of teens in a hotel.

I again spent this holiday with Nick's family. I spent Thanksgiving with his family and so it was more comfortable because not everyone was new. But you know, families are families. I had a good time.

I have to go to work tomorrow, but it should not be too bad, it is classes all day, so the worst thing will be trying to stay awake. I also have to work on Thursday, but since most of the GM people are gone, the phones should be pretty quiet.

Nick is on his way home right now. We are getting our heads around him moving in. I think it will be great! I am just a little afraid; I have lived alone for so many years I am afraid I may be too set in my ways. But I do want this to work. I know it will. Nick is so nice. (Ok, mushy stuff is over.)

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

As you find yourselves surrounded by wrapping paper, empty boxes, and screaming neices,nephews, parents, and partners, just take a moment to give thanks for the people and things around us.

This is the first Christmas I actually woke up next to someone. And no, it was not my brother as in Christmases past. I actually woke up next to someone who I loved. It was nice. Actually, I was questioning what I did to deserve such a good thing.
I remember past Christmases that were just the same-old, same-old. I was surrounded by my family, but I still felt alone. Now, I have a kitty lying next to me, a puppy sleeping near my feet and the man that I love wrapped in a blanket watching "A Christmas Story." It don't get much better than this.

Here is wishing that you are surrounded by what is important and special to you.

Merry Christmas!

That would be Fr. Ben to you!

(Heavy sigh of relief!)

Well, in a very brief ceremony in the conference room at Episcopal Central, I went from being, Pr. Benton, defrocked ELCA pastor to Fr. Benton, Episcopal Priest.

Due to changes in the canons of the ECUSA, the change-over had to happen quickly. So with two priest, the bishop, and me in the room, there was the laying on of hands, a few prayers, a poof of smoke (just joking!) and I was changed.

It kind of reminded me of a joke I heard:

Ole, a Norwegian Lutheran, moved into a neighborhood that was primarily Roman Catholic. It never ceased that on Fridays in Lent, Ole would be out back grilling venison. The odor of the meat would waft around the neighborhood and torment the good Catholics who were eating bland tuna casseroles. Finally, it was too much for the poor Catholics and they went to their priest and complained. The priest said, why don’t you invite Ole to church and we will convert him to Catholicism and then he will also have to eat fish on Friday and the problem will be gone. So the people began to invite Ole to church and Ole decided to join the Catholic Church. Eventually, it was Ole’s day to be baptized. Ole stood in front of the congregation, eager to start his new life as a Roman Catholic! The priest came up to Ole and said, “Ole, you were born a Lutheran,” sprinkled more, “and you were raised a Lutheran,” and a little more of a sprinkle, “but now you are a Catholic!” Everyone cheered and Ole grinned. The priest thought, “This should take care of that meat problem!” But again, Lent rolled around that the smell of venison was wafting over the neighborhood. The priest went to Ole’s house and found him with a big piece of venison on the grill. The priest was just about to say something when he saw Ole shaking salt on the meat saying, “You were born a deer, and you were raised a deer, but now you are a Walleye!”

Christmas Lights in Grosse Pointe

Let There Be Turds!

There were turds in the litterbox! No trip to the Vet! Life is good!

Turd Watch

It’s time for Turd Watch!

My cat, Madeline, is not feeling so good. She has mega colon which sounds like it should be something good but in effect is not so good. The crap just starts stacking up inside the cat and won’t come out. ( I bet you all could have gone through the day without that image.) So the poor kitty starts acting lethargic and gets really clingy.

The unfortunate thing about this that it usually costs over $100 a trip to “Pop the Poop.” It can get expensive!

Right now, Madeline is in the bathroom with a litter box, food, and water. I need to know if the “gifts” I find in the litter box downstairs are hers or Claudia’s. I hope to find a whole lot of crap in the box. That would be a good thing.

If there is none, I will need to take Madeline to the vet tomorrow morning before going to the Bishop’s office. I can hope.

Please Be Nice.

I think there are just some people who are nasty.

I work on a helpdesk which means people call me and I try to help them solve their problems. My job is to get them the best help in the least amount of time. I try to get the right techs to the right people. And I also try to track down the right help even if the person calls the wrong helpdesk.

But when you get people who call for help and then do everything in their power to prevent us from doing our job, is there anything else to call it than nasty? I want to say evil, but I will not go that far. But why would you call for help and then be totally mean to the person who is trying to help you? Shouldn't the person be nice to me? I am the one who can delay the sending of the tech.

Then there was the person who was complaining about having to wait 20 minutes on hold. I am sorry she had to wait, but what did she think I was doing? I was not sitting around having beer and pizza. I was trying to track down the proper help for her. She called the wrong place and I was trying to help. All she could do is complain. It is not like I just put her on hold and sat and did sudokus. I would have liked to, but I was really trying to help. Why would she be so nasty?

I though we were in the season of Christmas, Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All and all of that. I have not noticed people being nice, they actually seem more mean.

Maybe they are angry because they are at work while all their coworkers are gone. Maybe they are angry because they are at work and the computer fails. But maybe they ought to realize we are at work too and we don't like being treated as if we are just placed here to make their lives difficult.

When you are out and about, or calling to a helpdesk, be nice to these people. They are just trying to make a living.

Dayflate

Dayflate - verb

A contraction of the words "Day" and "Deflate."

What happens to those air-filled lawn decorations when the power is turned off during the day.

"Frosty looked like he had spent too much time in the sun in Maui when he was dayflated."

Thanks to Nick for coining the word.

My Seduction Style

Yeah!

I so want to say, "It's about time!" but I won't. I will just say, "Thank God and Thank Jesus!"

The Episcopals have finally moved! Friday I got a FedEx letter stating I had an appointment in Detroit on Wednesday and at the end of the appointment, I would be an Episcopal Father. Because of the change in polity that will go into effect on January 1, 2000 (and) 7 ( Sorry Nick!) that will make transferring much harder, the ECUSA wants to get the change in soon so that we can avoid a bunch of red tape.

I hope the frustration was worth it. At least there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Family Phots

One of my favorite Christmas Memories!

My uncle hands my Godmother a piece of paper and tells her to read it out lout.

So in her most dramatic voice, my Godmother says,

"It you think Burt Reynolds is hairy,

you should see Mike hunt!"

I was totally shocked! I was also 10 years old.

Christmas Traditions

Nick has been talking about Christmas traditions so I thought I would share some of mine.

When I was a kid, I would look forward to going to my Godparent's house. It was always a houseful of people. Often there was hardly any place to sit.

The bar and the food was downstairs. Now at the time, I didn't drink, but we still got to have pop on Christmas. For us, pop (or some might say "soda")was something that was a treat. So to be able to have pop was a special thing.

Then there were the kids who were my uncle's nieces and nephews. We only saw them on Christmas eve, but being kids, we made up for lost time quickly.

We would stay for quite a long time. Sometimes we would go to Church before the party, sometimes we would go to Midnight Mass. But we never opened presents on Christmas night. We had to wait until Christmas morning.

When my grandma was alive, it would be off to her house after church. We could pick some toy to take with us and we would be off. Another batch of cousins to see! And more pop!

Finally, it would be home to play ourselves silly with all the new toys we got from Santa.

What I have been doing

I have four more to go! (Click on photo for a better look.)

I haven't been ignoring you

Hi folks, I haven’t written much this past week. I have been busy/depressed and that is not a good combination for being very prolific.

My work schedule is ok. I go in at 10 am and come home at 6:30 pm. I like the ability to either sleep late or take a leisurely morning. I also like getting home before it is really late. However, it is not good for getting things done. It is hard to get people in the office before I go to work and people are gone by the time I get home.

I also have been making Christmas presents. Nick and I were invited to a Christmas gathering with a family from my former congregation. We are very happy to go, I just have to whip out a few Christmas presents. I have been able to get two ornaments done per night. It will slow down a little as I get to the end of the stockpile of pieces and have to produce all the pieces. But I think they look pretty good!

I had an appointment with my shrink, Arnie, today. Arnie is good for lighting a fire under my… uh, feet! He charged me up again.

When I left, I called the person in the ECUSA Bishop’s office and told him that I am willing to go anywhere in the country and I would like an appointment with him soon. If he doesn’t call back, I will call him tomorrow. I am tired of waiting for him. If I piss him off, maybe he will do something just to get me off of his back.

Pizza Party

Well, some wounds have healed, some have not.

I just got back from the beer and pizza party held in my honor by the guys from the Saturday morning Bible study group from my former congregation. It was a good time but it was also difficult. It was hard to talk to people around a table in a restaurant. It was also hard to keep up a smiling face when I was worrying about how to prepare the house to sell. It was nice to see all the people and know that their lives have gone well but it was hard knowing that I was less and less in those lives.

The situations of life have gotten to me lately. I have come to the decision that I will be selling my house. It was a hard decision to make but there really was no other option. I can't make mortgage payments, so moving is the only option.

I am sitting with these people whose lives have gone on pretty much unruffled while my life is falling apart. And what is the difference between us? I love someone who the people who tell me Jesus loves me now says Jesus hates me because I love this person.

At this point, I really don't even know what I want to say.

Monday Chuckle

Happy Holidays

I found this over at Straight, Not Narrow. I would have provided a link but I counld not quite figure out how to do it so I just decided to post the whole post. I think Jim is right on the mark with this and don't we have better things to get upset about.

Merry Christmas...Or Not
The folks at the American Family Association are upset. They want everyone to have a Merry Christmas whether they want to or not! Here's their latest release:

Gap, which owns Old Navy, Banana Republic, Forth & Towne and Piperlime, has become the latest politically correct retailer, intentionally censoring the use of "Christmas" in their in-store, online and printed advertising.

Instead of referring to the season as Christmas, Gap instead uses the word "holiday." As hard as we tried, AFA could not find a single instance in which Gap-owned stores use the term "Christmas." Not a single time!

When one Old Navy store manager was asked by AFA if the word Christmas was in his store, he answered, "We have a lot of Christmas gifts in our stores, but the word Christmas is not used here. Everything is 'holiday.'"

Gap wants you to do your Christmas shopping with them, but they don't want to mention the Reason for the season. Gap doesn't want to offend non-Christians by using Christmas. The fact that their censoring the use of Christmas might offend Christians seems to be of no importance.

I've given the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Hollidays" a lot of deep thought and reached this
conclusion:

Who gives a crap.

Really, why does any organization waste valuable time and money worrying about how you are greeted at a retail establishment? Is anyone really shallow enough to believe that a "Merry Christmas" greeting will instill the Christmas Spirit in anyone?

As Apostle Dale eloquently preached at our church this past Sunday, the spirit of Christmas is all about understanding why Christ was born on earth and why he wilfully gave his life for our salvation. That spirit is not something that can be generated externally--it must come from within our own hearts from an understanding of how Jesus loves us.

If we embrace that, we don't need someone to wish us "Merry Christmas."

If we don't understand what Christmas is truly about, it doesn't really matter what anyone says, does it?

I hope to have a home like this

Six Weird Things About Me

I was tagged by Lemuel to share

Six Weird Things About Me!

1. The letters on the keys of my keyboard are not (for the most part) the same as the letter they type. The letters that are typed are the typical "QWERTY" layout, but the layout the keys show are the Dvorak layout. I had tried to learn how to type in this layout because it was supposed to be faster and better for you (less carpal tunnel) than the standard layout. But I had to think too hard about where the letters were to be able to compose at the keyboard. It made it really hard to write sermons.

2. I really don't like wearing clothes. I am not secure enough about my body to be a nudist in public, but I often walk around my house without clothes.

3. I like potato chips on my tuna salad sandwiches.

4. I have most of the original Partridge Family albums on vinyl. (I used to think I had all of them but I just found out I was missing three. Who knew they produced that many! The Christmas album is really bad!)

5. It drives me nuts when people qualify the word "unique" as in, "That was quite unique." Unique means "one of a kind." Something either is one of a kind or not one of a kind. Something cannot be "quite" one of a kind or "somewhat" one of a kind. It especially drives me nuts when I hear it on commercials.

6. I actually pay attention to, and sometimes sing along with, muzak in stores.

I will tag:

Ur-spo at Spo-Reflections

Milton at Don't Eat Alone

Mikey at Captain Caveman

Steve at A Rainbow Flag In Narnia

Christmas Comes Too Fast

I have decided that is part of the whole Christmas problem. If just comes too fast! Even with Christmas starting back in September, it still comes too fast.

When I was young, Christmas would never come. The anticipation would be almost deadly. The time from Thanksgiving to Christmas would last so long. Christmas would never come. And then there was Christmas Eve, the longest night in the history of kiddom.

The anticipation of childhood is no longer there. The magic of Christmas is no longer there. It doesn't take forever for Chirstmas to get here. Christmas comes too fast.

I miss that expectation, that anticipation. I miss the wait. As a child, the wait is pure possibility. Santa could bring anything. Although I couldn't name it at the time, the present under the tree was almost better than the present opened. Once the present was opened, the possibility was ended and the reality began.

But that time up to the opening of the presents, that time was wide open. The present could be a race track, or an Erector set, or a game. Just speculating was magic.

Now, the possibilities are so much more circumscribed. I can't be anything. The boxes do not hold the unimaginable. And I guess I miss that.

I don't know why the meloncholy, I guess I just must be getting the post Christmas blues early. Even that comes too fast.

States I've Visited

Saw this over at The Greedy Maelstrom who saw that Spider had it and I thought it was fun.


create your own visited states map

A Marvelous Machine

I find the human body to be quite the incredible thing. Just think about it: as I type, I am not jamming my fingers onto the keys, I am just using enough force to depress the key. I am not thinking about this amount of force, I am just doing it. And I am moving my fingers to the proper keys (most of the time!) without having to think about it.

Even something as small as throwing a piece of paper into the trash is a wonder of engineering. I have to weigh the object. Figure ballistic trajectory. Flex my muscles the appropriate amount and let go at the proper spot. I guess more than just engineering but physics too.

I was walking with a cup of coffee and started thinking of how I had to counter the jar of my walking to prevent the coffee from spilling. It is just amazing.

One of My Favorite Songs

How Could You?

Concert

Well, the big concert was last night. I was really pretty good, if I do say so. We really peaked at the right time and the doubts some had about whether we were going to pull it off were unrealized.

A new one for those of you who sing in choirs, yes, they tell you to not wear cologne or perfume, but they should also tell you not to eat anything with garlic. The guy who was standing next to me had garlic wafting off of him all night. It didn't make the singing hard, per se, but I had this strange craving for fettuccine by the end of the concert.

I was sad that Nick was not able to make it to the concert, but I didn't want him in a ditch somewhere.

I got to see a few folks from my previous congregation and that was very nice. I also got treated to a late dinner by some people from my former congregation.

All in all, it was a nice night.

And now, for Nick, here is the picture:

The Christmas Meme

1.Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
I LOVE Eggnog, unfortunately, good eggnog is not good for me! I even like it without the rum!

2. Did you ever do anything for Santa?
I wrote letters and left milk and cookies. We also left carrots and sugar for the reindeer.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
A little bit of both. I like putting white lights deep inside the tree, it gives the tree an inner glow.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope, I like to kiss just about anywhere.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
I usually put things up the weekend after Thanksgiving. But to be truthful, there are usually some Christmas decorations up somewhere in my house all year round. I will usually take them down the first weekend after the Feast of the Epiphany (which also happens to be my brother’s birthday, 6 Jan.).

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Chex Mix!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
I’m going to cheat, I have two favorites: The first one is when we were kids visiting Santa and Santa looked at my mom and said, “Rita, have the kids been good this year?” We just about died! MOM KNEW SANTA AND THEY WERE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS!! Actually, the person who was working for Santa (wink, wink) was in my mom and dad’s wedding, but we didn’t know that then. My other favorite memory was being at my aunt’s house on Christmas eve and leaving the warm (sometimes very warm) house and looking up in the sky to see if we could find Santa.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I found some “presents from Santa” when I was in either first or second grade.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
For a while, we could only open one present on Christmas Eve. Then for a while, we moved to opening them all on Christmas Eve because that was the only time all the family could get together.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
I would describe it as “Down Home Memories.” Just about every ornament has a story.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it.
It’s the most wonderful stuff on Earth!

12. Can you ice skate?
Can I? Yes. Do I? No.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I think one of my favorite gifts was a thing called “Cascade.” It was a thing where you would set up these mini-trampolines (like 3 inches in dia.) and then there was this tower that would carry a bunch of marbles to the top and drop them on the trampolines. If you did it right, the balls would bounce from one tramp to the next and land in a capture box where they would roll down a track back to the tower. It was fun!

14. What's the most exciting thing about the holidays for you?
The most exciting thing about the holidays is seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time. Just catching reliving old memories and making new ones.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
I love the cookies. My mom would make these great sour cream cookies. I don’t get them anymore since I live so far away.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
I loved going to my godparent’s house for Christmas Eve. There was a wonderful combination of wanting to be at the party but wanting to get home because Santa was coming. That wonderful feeling of being pulled into two equally positive directions. I didn’t appreciate it then and I doubt I will ever feel that feeling again.

17. What tops your tree?
A reproduction of the tree topper my grandma used to have on her tree. I just about died when I saw it in a store. My mom and my aunt could not believe I found it.

18. Which do you prefer give or receive?
I love to give. I enjoy trying to find just the right thing or making something specifically for someone.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Mannheim Steamroller’s Stille Nacht is one of my very favorites. Their “big” version of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen also is necessary for it to feel like Christmas. I also like The Christmas Waltz and Karen Carpenter singing Merry Christmas Darling.

20. Candy Canes?
I like candy canes, but starlight mints are easier.

World AIDS Day

When I think of AIDS, I think about the time I spent as a chaplain at an AIDS clinic in Houston. I was expecting the place to be sad and depressing. What I found were a group of people who were strong and courageous; people who were not dying, but living.

One of the things that I notice is in "the normal world," when someone is diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, the question that lies just below the surface is, "How did they get it?" But in the AIDS clinic, how you got infected was the last thing people worried about. The infection was a fact, all the whispers of sex or drugs useless. I am not saying that being informed as to how you can become infected is unimportant, but we need to move beyond the adolescent snickering.

My former brother-in-law is HIV positive. He tried to tell his family and then had to "recant" because his family did not want to acknowledge that he was involved in risky behavior. Because the family saw HIV as a "gay disease," the fact that my b-i-l used IV drugs couldn't even be considered. It is ignorance like this that helps to keep the disease spreading.

Get information. Get information to those who need it. Help our kids know that AIDS is real, it may not be on the front pages like it was when I grew up, but it has not gone away.

A bit rambling, maybe, but in the end, to paraphrase the motto of Act Up , Ignorance = Death.

Tribute to the North Woods Guys

I find it really sad: a series of events that have lead to a blog being removed from the blogosphere with no forwarding address.

Some of you are familiar with Warren and Steve of the “North Woods Guys.” Just some average guys who live in northern Minnesota and use the blog as a chronicle of their lives. Like most average guys, their lives were pretty average. They were not running around picking up guys for one nighters nor were they having three-ways with married men. They were just going about life and blogging about it in their own comfortable way.

Some have called Warren the Ned Flanders of the gay blogoshpere. I think it was meant as an insult but is it really? Who would you rather have as a neighbor: Ned Flanders or Homer Simpson? We may make fun of Ned Flanders, but he would make a good neighbor. And I think the blogosphere was a better place with Warren in it.

I know that at one point North Woods Guys was being lampooned (an not too nicely) by other gay bloggers. I also know that Warren has gotten some not so kind comments on his blog. I just think it is sad that we as a world cannot stand to have just nice people around. We cannot stand for just nice people to stay just nice. I should think we would be happy and allow the people to be. We may even strive to have a life like theirs. Even if we don’t want a life like theirs, we don’t need to attack it. That is like the het’s attacking us because we want to get married. If they don’t want to marry someone of their own gender, that is ok, just don’t stop us from doing it. If people don’t want a quiet life, that is ok, just don’t malign those who do.

North Woods Guys, you will be missed.

Anniversary Season

Nick and I decided we don’t really have an Anniversary so much as we have an Anniversary Season. And today would be the most likely candidate for the ender of the season. The season starts back in August when I first visited Nick’s church and would end today with the anniversary of my abomination.

Yes, a year ago, today, in front of the fire, in the fireplace, in my living room, Nick had his way with me.

Now, to make this sound like I was a passive participant in this event would be totally wrong, I am not really sure who did the seducing. Actually, Nick could probably truthfully argue that it was me that seduced him. (Having condoms and lube in the drawer of the TV stand was probably a give away. Also the empty enema box probably gave a clue. OH! I almost forgot the “Nut Cracker” underwear I was wearing.)

Nick knew about the whole “Page 13” thing and was not about to force me into something that I was not ready for or that I was going to regret. Well, I just kind of charged forward and haven’t been sad yet!

Granted, sometimes I would like parts of my world to go back to “Pre-Abomination” status, but not really. The positives have far outweighed the negatives.

So, as the season of Advent begins, the season of Anniversary ends.

Happy Anniversary, Nick, I love you!

pond water fungus calamari

This is one of the Google searches that brought someone to my blog. I have to wonder about someone who would group pound water fungus and calamari together. Calamari and fungus are not the same thing! (They aren't, are they? If they are, I'm not ordering calamari anymore!)

Very Cool!

I love flying kits but I could never get mine to do this.

Hey Episcopals! Look!

Uh, Remember me?

The weekend

The past weekend was pretty good. I met "The In-Laws" and it went well. Actually, Nick's family is less screwed-up than mine so it was nice to be able to kick back and not have to worry about the "family games."

Nick's mom is great (I guess she would have to be to produce such a great guy!) and I enjoyed talking with her. She even invited me to come for Christmas.

Nick and I hit the orgy of consumerism that is the Friday after Thanksgiving and Nick found a great coat at a great deal. 60% is pretty good in my book! I didn't find much, but actually I am hoping to make a bunch of gifts this year. (Bunch? Well, I am going to try to make some for co-workers so I guess that is a bunch. I am making a window for my parents but they won't be getting it until I return to the homelands.) The model for Abercrombie & Fitch wasn't around this year, darn...

Nick and I then went to Saugatuck/Douglas on Saturday. It is Michigan's answer to P-Town. It was nice to be someplace where being gay was not a big deal. A lot of the stuff I couldn't afford, but looking is still free. There was some nice eye-candy and some very frightening heterosexuals!

The choir at church is going to sing next week whether we like it or not. I think it will be good. Nothing splashy, just people sharing their gifts. That is what Advent is about, isn't it?

Nick and I came back to my place last night (Sunday) and started to decorate the house. I was thinking that this may be the last Christmas in this house. I hope not because I love my house. But what happens is in many ways beyond my control.

I did get a letter from the Episcopals telling me all the information is in. I emailed them asking what I need to do next and if there was a time frame? My mortgage company would like to know.

I had to come in an hour early for work because we were expecting a big influx of calls, but it never happened. So I get an extra hour, that will be good.

I guess that is it for now. Hope all the US folks had a good Thanksgiving and I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Did you feel it?

I think Hell must have froze over. Something I never though I would see has occurred. At one time, there were two men, two cats, and one dog, in the same room. Wow, the family is starting to come together.

It was quite amazing. Claudia, the cat that doesn't like anyone, came walking into the room where Nick and I were watching TV with my other cat Madeline, and Nick's dog, Amber. Now it was weird enough to have Claudia walk in, but then she stood there and allowed Nick to pet her! She actually meowed when Nick stopped so he started to pet her again.

Hopefully this is the start of some good things.

What Would You Do?

My friend, Ur-Spo over at Spo-Reflections does a weekly feature called, "How Does This Make You Feel." Well, I have a variation on this for today. It is

WHAT WOULD YOU DO NOW!

Ok...So, as a Christmas present to your guy, you got a tongue piercing because you have heard that a blow-job with a tongue piercing is just mind-blowing. And as a Christmas present to you he got a PA because he heard that the feel of the metal in one's nether regions is incredible.

In celebration of all your newly acquired jewelry, you immediately drop to your knees and take the newly PA'd penis into your mouth. You are rubbing the end of your new tongue piercing on the underside of your partner's penis when suddnely you partner makes a yelp of pain and you realize something is very wrong...

THE END OF YOUR TONGUE RING IS CAUGHT IN HIS PA!

What Would You Do!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just a cog in the unfair wheel

Ok, I don’t get companies. Maybe if I worked there I would be as jaded too. But why do they have to treat their people like criminals?

I called my mortgage company to discuss plans to get past this “bump” in my life. I get a person on the phone who takes a condescending tone in her voice and tells me that at my current income there is no way I will ever be able to pay it back. I asked her to please not get snippy with me and she says that is the way she talks to all of her customers.

I had a letter from the company saying they have done their part in lending me the money, now it is time for me to keep my end of the deal and pay them back. WITH WHAT? Again, it is not like I am sitting on a pot of gold and am just spending all the mortgage money on “Champagne Dreams and Caviar Wishes.” I know this will be temporary but they really don’t want to talk to me or work with me.

It would be easy again to fall back into the pity pit of “If I had only stayed in the closet.” It is also hard to not get angry because if I were a heterosexual, this would probably not be happening. The unfairness about this whole thing just gets to me.

Punk Cows?

When Nick told me about this, I wanted to see for myself. It was not that I didn't believe him, I just couldn't believe we were allowing people too stupid to know a cow from a deer to run around with guns.

Lansing Electric Parade While Drunk

Actually, I wasn't drunk, but with the camera and darkness and time exploser, this is the way the whole thing would look.

Alphabet Meme from Steves Whirley World

A is for age: 42
B is for beer of choice: Sam Adams
C is for career: Supposedly Pastor, right now, Help Desk Operator
D is for favorite Drink: Diet Pepsi
E is for essential item you use everyday: Toothbrush
F is for favorite song at the moment: I don’t know the name of it but they use it on the Zales ads.
G is for favorite games: Spider Solitaire
H is for hometown: Dubuque, IA (You saw it in the movie “Field of Dreams”
I is for instruments you play: Guitar, African drums, Hammered Dulcimer, piano, skin flute
J is for favorite juice: orange
K is for kids: I have two fur balls but no offspring.
L is for last kiss: Last Monday
M is for marriage: Nope, almost, but nope.
N is for name of your best friend: Nick, Anna (that is pronounced Ahnah), Doug, Beth, Chris
O is for overnight hospital stays: Back in 8th grade, I fell on the ice and screwed up my back.
P is for phobias: I am developing one to flying and have a full fledged one to dentists.
Q is for quote: Be the change you want to see.
R is for biggest regret: I didn’t come out sooner.
S is for self confidence: It varies.
T is for time you wake up: 6:30 – 7:30 depends on the day.
U is for underwear: Mostly boxers. Sometimes bikinis. Jock straps when I am feeling feisty!
V is for vegetable you love: Peas, corn, carrots cooked on a roast.
W is for worst habit: Just setting stuff down.
X is for x-rays you have had: ankle
Y is for yummy food you make: Make? What’s that?
Z is for zodiac sign: Scales

Let's Put An End To Tolerance

Laurie R. King is one of my favorite authors. A friend told me about this post and now I want to pass it on to you.

I didn't even hear about the two Americans. How can we just stand by and let things like this happen?

Pluto? It isn't even a planet anymore!

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe. You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart. You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance. You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness. Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

What Planet Are You From?

Hummm

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (23%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything. Phallic (66%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Latency (56%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (73%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

We "House" Fans Know

Riding on the Roller Coaster

This seems to be a perennial theme in my blog lately: The emotional roller coaster that has been my life as of late.

What frustrates me is the whole (childish) feeling of "I'm doing what I should be doing. Why aren't things happening?" I am trying to play by the rules. I am watching my (already not so great) credit-rating go plummeting. I could almost convince myself that I am such an important person with the amount of registered mail I am getting.

I am frustrated! I hear about all the need for clergy and here I sit answering phones and answering computer questions. The religious bodies aren't even putting me to use doing supply.

I feel so sorry for Nick. He has been dealing with problems like this for so long and does it so well. He gets frustrated, but not devastated. Then he gets me getting a little bump just crumbling. I am thankful he doesn't just say, "You wimp, get over it."

This has got to come to an end somehow.

We All Knew It Was Going On...

Dedicated to Nick

A Flash Back for Y'all

Grab Your Dick and Double-Click

Doin' Lunch

I might be thought of as a “Lunch Professional.” How I can make this claim is that I actually appeared on the front page of a small town newspaper eating lunch. I was sitting along a river, sitting in the sun, reading a book, and eating pizza. And low and behold, a person from the newspaper is asking if he could take my picture.

I have eaten lunch on top of mountains. Looking over the Hollywood Hills. Looking over the Mississippi. Looking over the Rock River Valley. And sitting in a park in a snowstorm. I have many fond memories of the places I have consumed lunch. So today, it struck me as odd that what I was looking over was not some wonderful vista of the world, but a parking lot and a defunct strip mall.

My how the mighty have fallen!

It was a beautiful day out so I decided to sit outside and eat, but I was not in a situation where I could travel to see something wonderful. I kind of got a little down thinking that the parking lot is a good metaphor for my life: A large expanse of flatness with various obstacles sitting unmoving. Things are happening around the parking lot, but not much is happening on the parking lot.

I started thinking of all the wonderful places I have eaten lunch. I had lunch on a peak called Golgotha (11,200 ft) in Rocky Mountain National Park. I have been sitting in the courtyard of the Getty Museum, chatting with my cousin and overlooking L.A. Even just watching the snow fall around me during one of those rare snowstorms in Columbus, OH. I wanted to be just about anywhere other than sitting on a wall, looking over the parking lot.

But the parking lot is where I was. All the dreaming and complaining was not going to place me anywhere else. So I started to look at what was going on around me. There was a kind of cute guy taking stuff off of the roof across the street. There was a helicopter taking off from the hospital. There were a couple of people walking in the sun on their lunch break. There were things happening. They were not big, breathtaking things. They were the daily miracles of our daily life.

I’ve got to keep my eyes open for the daily miracles. It is too easy to forget the daily miracles. It is depressing when we forget the little wonders of life. I’ve got to remember what our friends in recovery would say, I need to cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude!’

It has started

Well, I saw it! The first Christmas Tree up in a house. Yes, the seasonal rush has begun!

My Dad

My sister was talking to me the other day and told me something that got me thinking.

Now before I continue, I need to tell you, I had wondered about my father for a while. My father just seems different. He just has this social awkwardness to him. My parents marriage seemed "nice" but not much more.

Now, my sister was telling me about a conversation she had with my dad when he started reminiscing. He started talking about how he and his buddy would go out to the local bars. Then he started telling her about how he and his buddy were drinking and started dancing together at one of the bars.

My sister said there was a light in his eyes she had not seen in a long time as he talked about the dance. She also said he just had this giggle in his voice as he told the story.

For some years now, I had wondered if my parents' marriage was one that the ex-gay people would have approved. I had wondered if my dad denied his feelings and did what he was "supposed" to do. Now hearing this story, I continue to wonder.

If my dad is gay, it doesn't matter to me. It does make me sad, though. As long as I have known my dad, he seemed to be a husk. He would sit and stare. When we asked if he was ok, he would say he was fine. I now see that for most of my life, dad was depressed. I, too, take antidepressants, as does my sister. But I have to wonder if the depression was more than just chemical. Was my dad repressing his true feelings? Did he want to be spending his time dancing with his buddy instead of being at home raising a family?

Granted, I am here because of his choices, but, if my feelings are right, how sad for my dad and my mom. How sad to have to deny the feelings my dad was feeling. And how sad for my mom knowing she was only getting part of the man she married. I don't know if she ever had an inkling, but I do know the marriage was not a hotbed of passion.

When I hear about all the ex-gay movement pushing to banish those "dirty" feelings and go out and find a wife/husband, I have to wonder how many "nice," and not so nice, marriages they are creating. How many dads will be thinking back to that one dangerous dance all those years ago and suddenly light up and begin to giggle? How many moms will have to go though life feeling, if not knowing, they are only getting a part of the man they married?

I love my parents, and I hope my feelings are wrong. But if I am right, I feel so bad that they had to spend their lives pretending.

My First Gay Kiss

A year ago I kissed my first man. I mean, really kissed. I kissed my Dad on the cheek, but nothing more than that. But a year ago I kissed Nick. If you want to read his take on the whole thing, click here.

A couple of things about me. If you haven't figured it out, I am a thinker. I tend to over analyze just about everything. Secondly, I am a bit of a control freak. It is these two things that lead to Nick and I kissing in the office of the church where Nick worked.

Nick and I had been doing things together on my days off for a while. It was nice have someone to do things with who was also gay. We were not "doing" anything, just going to a movie or to the museum. I would drive his direction on my day off, we would have lunch or something and maybe go to a movie. But that was all. I was still feeling bound to the dreaded page thirteen. What this said is that a pastor can be gay, the pastor just can't do anything about it. So although I spent time with Nick, we never did anything physical.

But my mind was going. I have never kissed a guy before. I have never did anything with a guy before. If I got with a guy, would the guy take advantage of me because I was so naive? Not knowing is something that really bothers me. So not knowing what it was like to kiss a guy bothered me. Maybe I wouldn't like it.

So, I actually kind of planned the whole thing. I had come to trust Nick so I though I could ask him if I could kiss him. I know it sounds kind of calculating, but hey, that's me.

So after the movie, Capote, I think, we went back to the church to get Nick's car. I "had to use the bathroom." So we went into the building. After I went, I came out and told Nick that I had never kissed a man before and could I kiss him? He said yes and so I kissed him.

WOW! It was amazing!

Then I said that I had never touch a man before and could I feel him. But before he could answer, I had my hand on his crotch while I kissed him again. Nick had reached down started to feel me but then he stopped. Later he would tell me that if he didn't stop then, he would have moved things beyond where I was ready to go.

I was a little out of my element but I am thankful Nick didn't push me any father.

The ride home was interesting. I had a hard-on the whole way home. I also was probably a road hazard as my mind was not on my driving.

This is the actual e-mail I sent Nick. (Only the names have been changed.)

Hi Nick!

Thanks for your kindness in the face of a very selfish request. You have done a great kindness for me! I was kind of worried about making it home as I was a bit distracted! I can still feel your kiss and the way you felt through your pants. I can still feel you touching me. I was hard the whole way home.

I thank you for that initiation. It was very emotional. It felt natural and it felt good. It hurt that I had to wait until I was 41 to be able to experience it. I would love to be able to explore more of that but I still feel tied to my ordination promises. I know, the porn probably is against the spirit of the rule if not the letter of the rule. Probably the kiss and the touch was against the spirit of the rule also. I hate having to sneak around.

You have given me a gift and I appreciate the safe environment in which to experience it. That was a great ending to a nice day.

Peace to you,

Ben

(The "porn" mentioned in the letter were "Instructional Videos" as Lemuel would call them.)

I guess this was another step in my coming out and my finding Nick.

Dona Nobis Pacem

We Shall Cry in our Chai

Hanaman, we shall miss you.

Rev. Haggard

This whole thing with Rev. Haggard is really getting me. I think I may be overly identifying with him. I know what it feels like to deny what you are feeling and try to "act straight." I know what it is like to lose your ministry and have people of faith tell you that you are terrible person because of who you love.

But what he is dealing with is so much more than what I have dealt with. I am not belittling what I went through, but I didn't have a wife and five kids and a church of 14,000 people.

We may want to point fingers and snigger. But that is not very Christian, either. How can we, the GLBT community reach out to Rev. Haggard and help him to see that he really is a wonderful creation of God, JUST THE WAY HE IS! He doesn't need to hide or be ashamed. How can we help this man of God realize he really is a man of God? Created by God? And loved by God, just the way he is. He may have made dark choices, but he is not a dark person.

It would be easy to ridicule Rev. Haggard, but then we, the oppressed become the oppressors. We can't let this happen.

Rev. Haggard, you are a wonderful creation of God. What you feel need not be "repulsive and dark." You have made some bad choices, but you are not your choices. You are so much more. My prayer is that you come to realize the love of God is so much bigger than you have imagined. God did not send His Son for the few, "God so love THE WORLD!" Rev. Haggard, God loves you, a struggling man, a gay man.

Nick Found One

Nick found a Thanksgiving Mug! He found it in Pittsburgh and bought one for me and one for himself. He said he was about to burst trying to keep from telling me. It was quite a surprise when got home and handed it to me. I though it might be a mug with my name on it because I often kid about how hard it is to find a mug with my name. But it was a Thanksgiving mug. How cool is that?

Uh Oh!

You know, it is never a good thing when you get a registered letter from the IRS. If there is anyone reading this from another country, the IRS is the taxation branch of the American government. I am not pleased to get this...

I do claim ignorance. I am so financially inept. But, another money matter to make things happy.

Welcome Out Neil Patrick Harris

Neil Patrick Harris, of Doogie Howser, MD fame and more recently How I Met Your Mother and also, my favorite, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, tells People On-Line Magazine that he is gay. He says, "I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest ..."

Good for you Doogie! The rest of you hiding out there, come on out, the weather is getting better all the time!

Prague Men's Clothing

Does anyone know anything about Prague Clothing? A co-worker is trying to find a web site or something. Thanks!

We've Got The Power!

I was just watching some of the election ads on TV. You know something? We have a lot power! We, the GLBTs of the world can DESTROY(!!!!!!) the family, AS WE KNOW IT!!!!! Oh no! We start getting married and the next thing you know, all those hottie hets will be running out and having anal sex. Look! It has already started! Next thing you know, those hets will be getting style and start cleaning up their homes and neighborhoods! That would be horrible! Maybe that is why the Pink Flamingo is dying!! Because of us and our famous sense of style, Millions! (no) Thousands! (no) Hundreds! (maybe) Tens! (probably) of people will lose their jobs in the pink flamingo industry. But if the US would allow GLBT folks to get married...BILLIONS of people could be hired in the marriage planning industry alone!

Of course I am having a little fun here, but the fear mongering that is going on is pathetic. Maybe if GLBT folks would be allowed to marry, fundamentalist preachers wouldn't have to pay for sex.

Say It Isn't SO!!!!

I just heard it on the Today Show...The company that makes the plastic pink flamingo is going out of business! Oh the humanity! NO! What will we with no aesthetic sense put in our yards?

I think we need a moment of silence.

1957-2006

Preliminary Data

As of twelve hours of "My Porno Shoot" being on my blog, it is the second highest page hit. The only page hit more is the generic blogspot page.

My Porno Shoot

Doug over at Gossamer Tapestry said that because of one post traffic to his blog has tripled. I wanted to see if it works!

The Society You Save May Be Your Own!

Hat tip to YarravillePaul

Happy Halloween!

I had a pic on this post that really wasn't "Safe For Work" and I like to keep this work safe, so here is a link to the picture. You can click here if you feel so inclined.

Anatomy of a Melt-Down

I really hate melt-downs. Not the China Syndrome kind of melt-down but an emotional melt-down.

I had a melt-down yesterday. Nick was kind about it in his blog, but it was an all out melt-down. It started with a bit of anxiety and ended with Nick holding me as thoughts of personal disgust ran wild through my head.

What is weird is that I am generally a pretty stable person. I do not just tail-spin at the drop of a hat. But yesterday, I think I hit the "perfect storm." I was tired, I was a bit emotionally depleted (the past weekend was more busy than restful), I had just discussed my whole psychological picture, I had some problems with bills, and my tire blew.

I also think something that "helped" precipitate the melt-down was the presence of Nick and my trust in him. By having him near, it was like it was ok for me to just let all the stress and frustration wash over me. I do have to admit that when the whole "storm" was over, I did feel better. I think knowing Nick was there and wouldn't leave me allowed me the luxury of flushing away the emotions. I feel sorry for Nick having to deal with such emotional storms, but I thank God that Nick was here to help me through it.

They Just Don't Exist

Ok, people... I have found Christmas coffee mugs, Halloween mugs, Valentine's Day mugs, Easter mugs, 4th of July mugs, and St. Patrick's Day mugs. But, I have never found a Thanksgiving (U.S. Pilgrims and Turkeys) Day mug. Anyone out there ever find one?

OUCH!

I guess it was good that we weren't cruising down the interstate when this happened. We were on the back roads out of the Detroit area. I really am not a fan of major highways. Granted, they are usually faster, but they just are not very inter sting. The good thing is that the weather was wonderful (about 70 degrees F) and I have roadside assistance. I felt kind of funny calling to have someone change the tire, I could have done it myself, but that is why I bought the roadside assistance, wasn't it? Also, I didn't know how to get the spare off the underside and how to work the jack. I do now! And also, the butt on the guy from the shop wasn't too bad! The face was, aigh... But when he bent over it was nice!!

Nick and I were in Detroit because I had to go to the debriefing of my psych assessment. (Talk about Freudian slips, I originally typed "psycho assessment"!) That is another hoop I had to jump through and now that is finished. I just have to track down two people to do the background assessment and then the process is finished on my end. (I hope!)

I am getting tired of this. I had a fairly major melt-down this afternoon. I thank God Nick was here to help me. Sometimes I just get tired of the struggle. I get tired of being strong. I get tired of having life always be a trial. It was nice to have someone there to just hug me and make no demands. That was something I had come conclusion I would never have.

As Nick posted, I will have Amber this week. This is not really a very good picture of her, she is much cuter.

Right now, Claudia, the more skittish of my two cats is lying on one side of me, and Amber is on the other. In the time I have been posting, Madeline changed spots with Claudia. Maybe there is hope they will get along yet!

Lead Us Not Into Temptation