Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Tribute to the North Woods Guys

I find it really sad: a series of events that have lead to a blog being removed from the blogosphere with no forwarding address.

Some of you are familiar with Warren and Steve of the “North Woods Guys.” Just some average guys who live in northern Minnesota and use the blog as a chronicle of their lives. Like most average guys, their lives were pretty average. They were not running around picking up guys for one nighters nor were they having three-ways with married men. They were just going about life and blogging about it in their own comfortable way.

Some have called Warren the Ned Flanders of the gay blogoshpere. I think it was meant as an insult but is it really? Who would you rather have as a neighbor: Ned Flanders or Homer Simpson? We may make fun of Ned Flanders, but he would make a good neighbor. And I think the blogosphere was a better place with Warren in it.

I know that at one point North Woods Guys was being lampooned (an not too nicely) by other gay bloggers. I also know that Warren has gotten some not so kind comments on his blog. I just think it is sad that we as a world cannot stand to have just nice people around. We cannot stand for just nice people to stay just nice. I should think we would be happy and allow the people to be. We may even strive to have a life like theirs. Even if we don’t want a life like theirs, we don’t need to attack it. That is like the het’s attacking us because we want to get married. If they don’t want to marry someone of their own gender, that is ok, just don’t stop us from doing it. If people don’t want a quiet life, that is ok, just don’t malign those who do.

North Woods Guys, you will be missed.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Anniversary Season

Nick and I decided we don’t really have an Anniversary so much as we have an Anniversary Season. And today would be the most likely candidate for the ender of the season. The season starts back in August when I first visited Nick’s church and would end today with the anniversary of my abomination.

Yes, a year ago, today, in front of the fire, in the fireplace, in my living room, Nick had his way with me.

Now, to make this sound like I was a passive participant in this event would be totally wrong, I am not really sure who did the seducing. Actually, Nick could probably truthfully argue that it was me that seduced him. (Having condoms and lube in the drawer of the TV stand was probably a give away. Also the empty enema box probably gave a clue. OH! I almost forgot the “Nut Cracker” underwear I was wearing.)

Nick knew about the whole “Page 13” thing and was not about to force me into something that I was not ready for or that I was going to regret. Well, I just kind of charged forward and haven’t been sad yet!

Granted, sometimes I would like parts of my world to go back to “Pre-Abomination” status, but not really. The positives have far outweighed the negatives.

So, as the season of Advent begins, the season of Anniversary ends.

Happy Anniversary, Nick, I love you!

pond water fungus calamari

This is one of the Google searches that brought someone to my blog. I have to wonder about someone who would group pound water fungus and calamari together. Calamari and fungus are not the same thing! (They aren't, are they? If they are, I'm not ordering calamari anymore!)

Very Cool!

I love flying kits but I could never get mine to do this.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Hey Episcopals! Look!

Uh, Remember me?

The weekend

The past weekend was pretty good. I met "The In-Laws" and it went well. Actually, Nick's family is less screwed-up than mine so it was nice to be able to kick back and not have to worry about the "family games."

Nick's mom is great (I guess she would have to be to produce such a great guy!) and I enjoyed talking with her. She even invited me to come for Christmas.

Nick and I hit the orgy of consumerism that is the Friday after Thanksgiving and Nick found a great coat at a great deal. 60% is pretty good in my book! I didn't find much, but actually I am hoping to make a bunch of gifts this year. (Bunch? Well, I am going to try to make some for co-workers so I guess that is a bunch. I am making a window for my parents but they won't be getting it until I return to the homelands.) The model for Abercrombie & Fitch wasn't around this year, darn...

Nick and I then went to Saugatuck/Douglas on Saturday. It is Michigan's answer to P-Town. It was nice to be someplace where being gay was not a big deal. A lot of the stuff I couldn't afford, but looking is still free. There was some nice eye-candy and some very frightening heterosexuals!

The choir at church is going to sing next week whether we like it or not. I think it will be good. Nothing splashy, just people sharing their gifts. That is what Advent is about, isn't it?

Nick and I came back to my place last night (Sunday) and started to decorate the house. I was thinking that this may be the last Christmas in this house. I hope not because I love my house. But what happens is in many ways beyond my control.

I did get a letter from the Episcopals telling me all the information is in. I emailed them asking what I need to do next and if there was a time frame? My mortgage company would like to know.

I had to come in an hour early for work because we were expecting a big influx of calls, but it never happened. So I get an extra hour, that will be good.

I guess that is it for now. Hope all the US folks had a good Thanksgiving and I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Did you feel it?

I think Hell must have froze over. Something I never though I would see has occurred. At one time, there were two men, two cats, and one dog, in the same room. Wow, the family is starting to come together.

It was quite amazing. Claudia, the cat that doesn't like anyone, came walking into the room where Nick and I were watching TV with my other cat Madeline, and Nick's dog, Amber. Now it was weird enough to have Claudia walk in, but then she stood there and allowed Nick to pet her! She actually meowed when Nick stopped so he started to pet her again.

Hopefully this is the start of some good things.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

What Would You Do?

My friend, Ur-Spo over at Spo-Reflections does a weekly feature called, "How Does This Make You Feel." Well, I have a variation on this for today. It is

Ok...So, as a Christmas present to your guy, you got a tongue piercing because you have heard that a blow-job with a tongue piercing is just mind-blowing. And as a Christmas present to you he got a PA because he heard that the feel of the metal in one's nether regions is incredible.
In celebration of all your newly acquired jewelry, you immediately drop to your knees and take the newly PA'd penis into your mouth. You are rubbing the end of your new tongue piercing on the underside of your partner's penis when suddnely you partner makes a yelp of pain and you realize something is very wrong...
What Would You Do!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Just a cog in the unfair wheel

Ok, I don’t get companies. Maybe if I worked there I would be as jaded too. But why do they have to treat their people like criminals?

I called my mortgage company to discuss plans to get past this “bump” in my life. I get a person on the phone who takes a condescending tone in her voice and tells me that at my current income there is no way I will ever be able to pay it back. I asked her to please not get snippy with me and she says that is the way she talks to all of her customers.

I had a letter from the company saying they have done their part in lending me the money, now it is time for me to keep my end of the deal and pay them back. WITH WHAT? Again, it is not like I am sitting on a pot of gold and am just spending all the mortgage money on “Champagne Dreams and Caviar Wishes.” I know this will be temporary but they really don’t want to talk to me or work with me.

It would be easy again to fall back into the pity pit of “If I had only stayed in the closet.” It is also hard to not get angry because if I were a heterosexual, this would probably not be happening. The unfairness about this whole thing just gets to me.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Punk Cows?

When Nick told me about this, I wanted to see for myself. It was not that I didn't believe him, I just couldn't believe we were allowing people too stupid to know a cow from a deer to run around with guns.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Lansing Electric Parade While Drunk

Actually, I wasn't drunk, but with the camera and darkness and time exploser, this is the way the whole thing would look.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Alphabet Meme from Steves Whirley World

A is for age: 42
B is for beer of choice: Sam Adams
C is for career: Supposedly Pastor, right now, Help Desk Operator
D is for favorite Drink: Diet Pepsi
E is for essential item you use everyday: Toothbrush
F is for favorite song at the moment: I don’t know the name of it but they use it on the Zales ads.
G is for favorite games: Spider Solitaire
H is for hometown: Dubuque, IA (You saw it in the movie “Field of Dreams”
I is for instruments you play: Guitar, African drums, Hammered Dulcimer, piano, skin flute
J is for favorite juice: orange
K is for kids: I have two fur balls but no offspring.
L is for last kiss: Last Monday
M is for marriage: Nope, almost, but nope.
N is for name of your best friend: Nick, Anna (that is pronounced Ahnah), Doug, Beth, Chris
O is for overnight hospital stays: Back in 8th grade, I fell on the ice and screwed up my back.
P is for phobias: I am developing one to flying and have a full fledged one to dentists.
Q is for quote: Be the change you want to see.
R is for biggest regret: I didn’t come out sooner.
S is for self confidence: It varies.
T is for time you wake up: 6:30 – 7:30 depends on the day.
U is for underwear: Mostly boxers. Sometimes bikinis. Jock straps when I am feeling feisty!
V is for vegetable you love: Peas, corn, carrots cooked on a roast.
W is for worst habit: Just setting stuff down.
X is for x-rays you have had: ankle
Y is for yummy food you make: Make? What’s that?
Z is for zodiac sign: Scales

Let's Put An End To Tolerance

Laurie R. King is one of my favorite authors. A friend told me about this post and now I want to pass it on to you.

I didn't even hear about the two Americans. How can we just stand by and let things like this happen?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Pluto? It isn't even a planet anymore!

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe.
You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart.
You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance.
You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness.
Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Freudian Inventory Results
Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal (23%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything.
Phallic (66%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.
Latency (56%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital (73%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by

We "House" Fans Know

Riding on the Roller Coaster

This seems to be a perennial theme in my blog lately: The emotional roller coaster that has been my life as of late.

What frustrates me is the whole (childish) feeling of "I'm doing what I should be doing. Why aren't things happening?" I am trying to play by the rules. I am watching my (already not so great) credit-rating go plummeting. I could almost convince myself that I am such an important person with the amount of registered mail I am getting.

I am frustrated! I hear about all the need for clergy and here I sit answering phones and answering computer questions. The religious bodies aren't even putting me to use doing supply.

I feel so sorry for Nick. He has been dealing with problems like this for so long and does it so well. He gets frustrated, but not devastated. Then he gets me getting a little bump just crumbling. I am thankful he doesn't just say, "You wimp, get over it."

This has got to come to an end somehow.

We All Knew It Was Going On...

Dedicated to Nick

Monday, November 13, 2006

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Grab Your Dick and Double-Click

Doin' Lunch

I might be thought of as a “Lunch Professional.” How I can make this claim is that I actually appeared on the front page of a small town newspaper eating lunch. I was sitting along a river, sitting in the sun, reading a book, and eating pizza. And low and behold, a person from the newspaper is asking if he could take my picture.

I have eaten lunch on top of mountains. Looking over the Hollywood Hills. Looking over the Mississippi. Looking over the Rock River Valley. And sitting in a park in a snowstorm. I have many fond memories of the places I have consumed lunch. So today, it struck me as odd that what I was looking over was not some wonderful vista of the world, but a parking lot and a defunct strip mall.

My how the mighty have fallen!

It was a beautiful day out so I decided to sit outside and eat, but I was not in a situation where I could travel to see something wonderful. I kind of got a little down thinking that the parking lot is a good metaphor for my life: A large expanse of flatness with various obstacles sitting unmoving. Things are happening around the parking lot, but not much is happening on the parking lot.

I started thinking of all the wonderful places I have eaten lunch. I had lunch on a peak called Golgotha (11,200 ft) in Rocky Mountain National Park. I have been sitting in the courtyard of the Getty Museum, chatting with my cousin and overlooking L.A. Even just watching the snow fall around me during one of those rare snowstorms in Columbus, OH. I wanted to be just about anywhere other than sitting on a wall, looking over the parking lot.

But the parking lot is where I was. All the dreaming and complaining was not going to place me anywhere else. So I started to look at what was going on around me. There was a kind of cute guy taking stuff off of the roof across the street. There was a helicopter taking off from the hospital. There were a couple of people walking in the sun on their lunch break. There were things happening. They were not big, breathtaking things. They were the daily miracles of our daily life.

I’ve got to keep my eyes open for the daily miracles. It is too easy to forget the daily miracles. It is depressing when we forget the little wonders of life. I’ve got to remember what our friends in recovery would say, I need to cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude!’

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It has started

Well, I saw it! The first Christmas Tree up in a house. Yes, the seasonal rush has begun!

My Dad

My sister was talking to me the other day and told me something that got me thinking.

Now before I continue, I need to tell you, I had wondered about my father for a while. My father just seems different. He just has this social awkwardness to him. My parents marriage seemed "nice" but not much more.

Now, my sister was telling me about a conversation she had with my dad when he started reminiscing. He started talking about how he and his buddy would go out to the local bars. Then he started telling her about how he and his buddy were drinking and started dancing together at one of the bars.

My sister said there was a light in his eyes she had not seen in a long time as he talked about the dance. She also said he just had this giggle in his voice as he told the story.

For some years now, I had wondered if my parents' marriage was one that the ex-gay people would have approved. I had wondered if my dad denied his feelings and did what he was "supposed" to do. Now hearing this story, I continue to wonder.

If my dad is gay, it doesn't matter to me. It does make me sad, though. As long as I have known my dad, he seemed to be a husk. He would sit and stare. When we asked if he was ok, he would say he was fine. I now see that for most of my life, dad was depressed. I, too, take antidepressants, as does my sister. But I have to wonder if the depression was more than just chemical. Was my dad repressing his true feelings? Did he want to be spending his time dancing with his buddy instead of being at home raising a family?

Granted, I am here because of his choices, but, if my feelings are right, how sad for my dad and my mom. How sad to have to deny the feelings my dad was feeling. And how sad for my mom knowing she was only getting part of the man she married. I don't know if she ever had an inkling, but I do know the marriage was not a hotbed of passion.

When I hear about all the ex-gay movement pushing to banish those "dirty" feelings and go out and find a wife/husband, I have to wonder how many "nice," and not so nice, marriages they are creating. How many dads will be thinking back to that one dangerous dance all those years ago and suddenly light up and begin to giggle? How many moms will have to go though life feeling, if not knowing, they are only getting a part of the man they married?

I love my parents, and I hope my feelings are wrong. But if I am right, I feel so bad that they had to spend their lives pretending.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My First Gay Kiss

A year ago I kissed my first man. I mean, really kissed. I kissed my Dad on the cheek, but nothing more than that. But a year ago I kissed Nick. If you want to read his take on the whole thing, click here.

A couple of things about me. If you haven't figured it out, I am a thinker. I tend to over analyze just about everything. Secondly, I am a bit of a control freak. It is these two things that lead to Nick and I kissing in the office of the church where Nick worked.

Nick and I had been doing things together on my days off for a while. It was nice have someone to do things with who was also gay. We were not "doing" anything, just going to a movie or to the museum. I would drive his direction on my day off, we would have lunch or something and maybe go to a movie. But that was all. I was still feeling bound to the dreaded page thirteen. What this said is that a pastor can be gay, the pastor just can't do anything about it. So although I spent time with Nick, we never did anything physical.

But my mind was going. I have never kissed a guy before. I have never did anything with a guy before. If I got with a guy, would the guy take advantage of me because I was so naive? Not knowing is something that really bothers me. So not knowing what it was like to kiss a guy bothered me. Maybe I wouldn't like it.

So, I actually kind of planned the whole thing. I had come to trust Nick so I though I could ask him if I could kiss him. I know it sounds kind of calculating, but hey, that's me.

So after the movie, Capote, I think, we went back to the church to get Nick's car. I "had to use the bathroom." So we went into the building. After I went, I came out and told Nick that I had never kissed a man before and could I kiss him? He said yes and so I kissed him.

WOW! It was amazing!

Then I said that I had never touch a man before and could I feel him. But before he could answer, I had my hand on his crotch while I kissed him again. Nick had reached down started to feel me but then he stopped. Later he would tell me that if he didn't stop then, he would have moved things beyond where I was ready to go.

I was a little out of my element but I am thankful Nick didn't push me any father.

The ride home was interesting. I had a hard-on the whole way home. I also was probably a road hazard as my mind was not on my driving.

This is the actual e-mail I sent Nick. (Only the names have been changed.)

Hi Nick!

Thanks for your kindness in the face of a very selfish request. You have done a great kindness for me! I was kind of worried about making it home as I was a bit distracted! I can still feel your kiss and the way you felt through your pants. I can still feel you touching me. I was hard the whole way home.

I thank you for that initiation. It was very emotional. It felt natural and it felt good. It hurt that I had to wait until I was 41 to be able to experience it. I would love to be able to explore more of that but I still feel tied to my ordination promises. I know, the porn probably is against the spirit of the rule if not the letter of the rule. Probably the kiss and the touch was against the spirit of the rule also. I hate having to sneak around.

You have given me a gift and I appreciate the safe environment in which to experience it. That was a great ending to a nice day.

Peace to you,


(The "porn" mentioned in the letter were "Instructional Videos" as Lemuel would call them.)

I guess this was another step in my coming out and my finding Nick.

Dona Nobis Pacem

We Shall Cry in our Chai

Hanaman, we shall miss you.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Rev. Haggard

This whole thing with Rev. Haggard is really getting me. I think I may be overly identifying with him. I know what it feels like to deny what you are feeling and try to "act straight." I know what it is like to lose your ministry and have people of faith tell you that you are terrible person because of who you love.

But what he is dealing with is so much more than what I have dealt with. I am not belittling what I went through, but I didn't have a wife and five kids and a church of 14,000 people.

We may want to point fingers and snigger. But that is not very Christian, either. How can we, the GLBT community reach out to Rev. Haggard and help him to see that he really is a wonderful creation of God, JUST THE WAY HE IS! He doesn't need to hide or be ashamed. How can we help this man of God realize he really is a man of God? Created by God? And loved by God, just the way he is. He may have made dark choices, but he is not a dark person.

It would be easy to ridicule Rev. Haggard, but then we, the oppressed become the oppressors. We can't let this happen.

Rev. Haggard, you are a wonderful creation of God. What you feel need not be "repulsive and dark." You have made some bad choices, but you are not your choices. You are so much more. My prayer is that you come to realize the love of God is so much bigger than you have imagined. God did not send His Son for the few, "God so love THE WORLD!" Rev. Haggard, God loves you, a struggling man, a gay man.

Nick Found One

Nick found a Thanksgiving Mug! He found it in Pittsburgh and bought one for me and one for himself. He said he was about to burst trying to keep from telling me. It was quite a surprise when got home and handed it to me. I though it might be a mug with my name on it because I often kid about how hard it is to find a mug with my name. But it was a Thanksgiving mug. How cool is that?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Uh Oh!

You know, it is never a good thing when you get a registered letter from the IRS. If there is anyone reading this from another country, the IRS is the taxation branch of the American government. I am not pleased to get this...

I do claim ignorance. I am so financially inept. But, another money matter to make things happy.

Welcome Out Neil Patrick Harris

Neil Patrick Harris, of Doogie Howser, MD fame and more recently How I Met Your Mother and also, my favorite, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, tells People On-Line Magazine that he is gay. He says, "I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest ..."

Good for you Doogie! The rest of you hiding out there, come on out, the weather is getting better all the time!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Prague Men's Clothing

Does anyone know anything about Prague Clothing? A co-worker is trying to find a web site or something. Thanks!

We've Got The Power!

I was just watching some of the election ads on TV. You know something? We have a lot power! We, the GLBTs of the world can DESTROY(!!!!!!) the family, AS WE KNOW IT!!!!! Oh no! We start getting married and the next thing you know, all those hottie hets will be running out and having anal sex. Look! It has already started! Next thing you know, those hets will be getting style and start cleaning up their homes and neighborhoods! That would be horrible! Maybe that is why the Pink Flamingo is dying!! Because of us and our famous sense of style, Millions! (no) Thousands! (no) Hundreds! (maybe) Tens! (probably) of people will lose their jobs in the pink flamingo industry. But if the US would allow GLBT folks to get married...BILLIONS of people could be hired in the marriage planning industry alone!

Of course I am having a little fun here, but the fear mongering that is going on is pathetic. Maybe if GLBT folks would be allowed to marry, fundamentalist preachers wouldn't have to pay for sex.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Say It Isn't SO!!!!

I just heard it on the Today Show...The company that makes the plastic pink flamingo is going out of business! Oh the humanity! NO! What will we with no aesthetic sense put in our yards?

I think we need a moment of silence.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Preliminary Data

As of twelve hours of "My Porno Shoot" being on my blog, it is the second highest page hit. The only page hit more is the generic blogspot page.

My Porno Shoot

Doug over at Gossamer Tapestry said that because of one post traffic to his blog has tripled. I wanted to see if it works!

The Society You Save May Be Your Own!

Hat tip to YarravillePaul