Yucky Weather

Well, winter came back. So far this week, we have had 50 degree weather, single digit weather, rain, and now a snowstorm. It took Nick over an hour to get to work. He got this "wonderful" e-mail from work reminding everyone that even though the weather is bad, people still need to come to work. AH DUH!

The e-mail came from the higher management where Nick works (and where I used to work). The management there treats the workers as if they are children. I found it frustrating as does Nick.

As far as other things, life goes on. I have been looking for a job. I have been trying to write a sermon for Sunday. (I decided to re-run one from six years ago. Still pretty good, I think.) And, in general, trying to stay on this side of depression. Nick has been such a support. I just hope I am not leaning too hard upon him!

I'm still having trouble with the whole God/church thing. It feels weird having to write a sermon extolling the virtues of God when lately I have been questioning whether God even exists. Trying to get excited about anything, let alone church stuff, is hard right now. I keep trying to be excited about learning "how to be an Episcopalian" but it is wearing thin.

I hate feeling stupid. I have done the whole "church thing" and have been a clergy person for seven years. Now, being relegated to the status of "intern" just feels like a kick in the nads.

The Girls are just too cute!

Aren't they cute? Problem is: they have been laying there licking each other! Incestuous lesbianism! Oh the humanity! (or would that be catity?)

Here, things have been pretty difficult. Trying to make sense of life,God, everything. It gets frustrating.

I was raised with the whole "believe in God and always trust and good things will happen to you" mentality. My parents were BIG into the whole "just trust and pray." Well, when you trust and pray and things still seem to go down the tubes, it doesn't give you much to fall back on.



I finished Nick's Valentine's Day gift. Not the best work I have done, but I needed to finish something. There was a need to be able to complete something. I also wanted to get the thing to Nick. The way I was feeling, I didn't know if I would be here too long, so I wanted to make sure if something "happened" to me, Nick would know that I loved him. I wanted to make sure that I created it so that when you hung it, the hand would be left-handed. I cannot sign a "Y" with my right hand. I am left handed and sign with my left hand. The dimensions are about 15" by 12".

I have to go back and reattach the hanging loop. It didn't stay as well as I had hoped. At least it the heart didn't fall far so it didn't break. Putting hanging loops on is one of the most risky parts of the process.

Wake Up Call For Christians?

Hey Christians!

When we are known more for what we are against than what we are for what other
outcome can we expect?

This comment was made by National youth leader Greg Stier of Dare 2 Share Ministries who believes one of the worst enemies of Christians are Christians.

Criticism from people outside of Christianity toward the Church doesn't surprise many. But when negative viewpoints are being expressed by believers, it raises a red flag for churches across the country.

In the latest research report by Sam S. Rainer III, who heads Rainer Research, only 39 percent of people who dropped out of the church perceived their church as "caring." Meanwhile, 51 percent of them called their church "judgmental."

Among other unfavorable views from those who quit their church, 41 percent of them said their church was "insincere." Only 20 percent felt their church was "inspirational;" 30 percent said their church was "authentic;" and 36 percent said their church was "welcoming."

The survey was conducted on 18- to 22-year-olds and is featured in Rainer's upcoming book, Essential Church?.

"The churches that do not demonstrate these biblical qualities and rather become insincere and judgmental lose this generation," Rainer, a young Baptist pastor, commented. "They return to the culture that claims churches are not living up to their calling. Link

You know, when I am embarrassed by the actions of "Christians," (scare quotes intended) things really need to change. I do not easily get embarrassed by the actions of others, but when I see what some are doing in the name of Christ, I cringe. And especially being a "Professional Christian," it makes me angry, sad, and concerned.

What also worries me is when certain behavior is attributed to Christians but no one stands up and says anything.



Please! Post this image (or if you are good at graphics, design you own) on your blog! LET PEOPLE KNOW! We need to let the world know that we people of faith do not condone the actions of these people and others like them.

Please help!

Oh Porky!

334 Days 'til...

LET THE SHOPPING BEGIN!

Go out there and buy something and jump start the economy!

Nick's Comin' Home!

Yeah! Nick is coming home from Florida! From the 60 degree weather to the teens. He told me that I better bring his coat to the airport or he will be stealing my coat!

I've Been Thinking

What I find somewhat upsetting is the unequalness in the whole employer/employee relationship.

When I interviewed for the Starbucks job, I was asked about what I expected to give to the company and what I expected from the company. I stated that I expected to give a notice of two weeks if and when I would leave the job. But I also said that I expected the same courtesy from the company.

Why is it that we have to give advanced warning but they can summarily dismiss us? Can I claim two weeks severance? They obviously did not consider me a threat as I had worked over 20 hours after the event happened. If I had been a threat, shouldn't I have been put on leave?

It just rails me that if we don't give two-weeks, we are looked badly upon. They can just can us and it is business as usual.

Blasphemous Rumor

There is a song by Depeche Mode called Blasphemous Rumor which seems to sum up what I am feeling about now.

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors
But I think that God has a sick sense of humor
And when I die
I expect to find him laughing

I just want the whole thing to stop. I am tired of being positive and upbeat. I am tired of "just trust[ing] in God." I am tired of it seeming as if nothing is going to ever work out. I get afraid of when things do work that suddenly something is going to go wrong.

Nick says that I will have a lot of sermon illustrations. I know he is trying to cheer me up, but I am sick of being a sermon illustration.

Why can't something go right for a change?

The former senior pastor called. He still has a job. I try to get over the whole thing but I just get so pissed off at times.

I wish Nick were here.

Fired

Well, I guess the gods were not with me in my stupid, unthinking, mistake. Even though I did pay for my shirt, I violated policy. And that results in termination. So, I am back looking for a job.

Heath Ledger Dead at 28

Some sad news today: Heath Ledger was found dead in his apartment today possibly from an overdose. Yes, he did make Brokeback Mountain, but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him in 10 Things I Hate About You.



And here is that great scene!

Downstairs Update Part 2

Well, I met with the property manager and the maintenance person. We walked around the apartment. We stomped around the apartment. We tried to make as much noise as we could. And low and behold... It makes a bunch of noise the neighbors' apartment! There is something about the neighbors' apartment that seems to magnify the sound. Even when we were doing nothing but walking around, it was very noisy downstairs. So, I am sorry that doubted the integrity of the idiot neighbor, but he has such a wonderful way of helping us to solve the problem.

The manager said that she has a "chat" with him on how to appropriately let people know that there is a problem. She said that she hoped it helped. She also told me that I have not been the only person to complain about the behavior and attitude of the neighbor. I guess at least I was not singled out for his "kindness."

Nick's Gone and Other Things

Well, Nick is in Florida for the week. I am here at home in the cold. It has been cold, as in the teens, but I also will miss having Nick keep me warm at night. I have the dog and the cats, but they are a cheap substitute.

He is going to a class there. (How unfortunate!) The class is for interim pastors. So since Nick has taken a part-time position in a church, he is taking the class. He will be luxuriating in the warmth while I am freezing in Michigan. I am happy for him!

This leaves me alone for the week.

I finally have a couple of days off. I think Freud would say that I am trying to get myself fired. I went to work the other day not wearing the customary black shirt. So I had to buy one. I rung myself up and then had to worry that security was not going to get upset. (It didn't even dawn on me that security may frown on people ringing up their own purchases!) Then the next day, I was jumping into the shower at 1:05 pm only to realize that I had to be to work at 1:30 pm. I made it there with a minute to spare! A couple of days off will be appreciated!

The photo is the latest creation. I am not so sure I like it or not. I wanted to make it look like the bears were getting lifted like the picture in this post. I don't think it worked. Oh well, live and learn.

Candidate Quiz

I found this from Michael over at Reality Check. I thought it was kind of cool. Answer the questions truthfully and see which candidtes aling with your beliefs.

No big surprise here.

79% Barack Obama
77% John Edwards
77% Hillary Clinton
76% Chris Dodd
74% Dennis Kucinich
74% Mike Gravel
73% Bill Richardson
71% Joe Biden
42% Rudy Giuliani
35% John McCain
26% Mitt Romney
25% Mike Huckabee
21% Tom Tancredo
20% Ron Paul
15% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Downstairs Update

Got a call from the management. Mr. Downstairs was at the office. I don't know if he finally went, voluntarily, or if the management threatened him to come. At least he was there. We made an appointment for us to be moving around up here while the management listens downstairs. If there is a problem, LET'S GET IT FIXED! But I am not going to not walk in my own apartment just because the idiot downstairs has a chip on his shoulder or whatever. And as for the baby with bionic ears...

The ??? Downstairs

Ok, I just about totally lost it yesterday.

I was walking upstairs when I heard THE NEIGHBOR pounding, again. Now granted, I probably was not walking as lightly as possible (I had just gotten back from work) but I was not purposely stomping to anger the asshole man.

Well, that pounding did it. I was tired from work and I was tired of trying to not disturb the folks downstairs. But since we can NEVER be quiet enough for them, it was time to again bring the management into the situation.

I told the management that either the harassment stops or we WILL be released from our lease. Having to constantly be afraid we are making too much noise is not conducive of relaxing. I also said that from our point of view, it appears the management is doing nothing to address the situation, just telling us something will be done and then ignoring the situation.

Well, I had had it. I told them that was it. Something was going to change.

I later got a call from the property manager. Kind of cryptic. She said, "Can you tip-toe until Monday afternoon? I think I have something that will make us all happy. I am not at liberty to say right now, but I will have more information on Monday."

So it will be interesting to see what is going to happen. More information as it becomes available.

Happy Eartha Day (+1)

Happy Birthday Eartha!

(Ok, it was yesterday, but better late than never!!)

She will always be a diva! Her version of "Santa Baby" will never be topped!

A Meme

Found this over at Spo Reflections and since I haven't posted anything in a while, I decided to do it.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? I have a pick-up with a small area behind the seat, but back there I have a communion set, a kite, papers, string, a Leprechaun hat, folders, silverware…
2. When was the last time you threw up? I don’t really know. It has been a while though. (THANK GOD!)
3. What’s your favorite curse word? Shit.
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Nick, Ur-Spo with his “cocktail waitress” comment, otherwise, it is too early. I have not been out of the apartment yet.
5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Drinking coffee and doing the Sudoku puzzle.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Reading blogs
7. Where were you born? Dubuque, Iowa
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. However, it was a straight club. I tried to act interested.
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? Love you! (Said to Nick)
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Cake Batter from Cold Stone Creamery
11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.
12. What are you wearing right now? Bath robe and slippers.
13. What was the last thing you ate? Generic Honey-Nut Cheereos
14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? Nope.
15. Where were you last? In the kitchen
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Michigan State basketball game a couple of years ago.
17. Who won? Ohio State.
18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging? Ur-Spo
19. Ever go camping? Yep! I was a camp counselor for five years and Nick and I just went last September
20. Where do you live? In the KKK capital of Michigan.
21. What song are you listening to? Nothing. The TV is on.
22. Do you tan? I usually burn. I may visit a tanning booth around this time of year just to get a dose of light.
23. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Not unless I am at a drive through.
24. What did your last text message say? B home in 15. (Or something like that.)
25. Who’s your best friends? Nick, Anna, Doug, Beth
26. What are you doing tomorrow? Opening the store. Making coffee.
27. Where is your mom right now? Probably in the Hy-Vee in Dubuque.
28. Look to your right, what do you see? A pillow, a Santa hat, a sweater, Mardi Gras beads, a floor lamp.
29. What color is your watch? Silver, black, orange, and yellow. It has LCD flames on it. My friend gave it to me and called it my “Fire and Brimstone” watch.
30. What do you think of when you think of where you live? How can a town this small be so hard to navigate?
31. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yes, and have traveled great distances to do so.
32. What is your birthstone? Opal. I was born in October.
33. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Depends on how busy the drive-through is.
34. What is your favorite number? 7, I know, rather boring.
35. Do you have a dog? Yes, a toy poodle. (I know, stereotype alert! Two gay guys with a toy poodle!)
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? A telephone surveyor who I told that we do not do phone surveys.
37. Have you met anyone famous? Hakim Olajuwon from the Houston Rockets. I met him at a conference on Islam and Christianity. I also checked out next to Eric Clapton at the Virgin Megastore in Columbus, OH.
38. Any plans today? Going to work at 12:30 pm. I have to close tonight. Nick should be getting home about the same time I do. I am sure we will both be beat by tonight.
39. How many states have you lived in? Iowa, Illinois, Ohio, Washington, Texas, Michigan.
40. Ever go to college? Three for over 10 years.
41. Where are you right now? In the TV/Computer room watching two lesbians make out on LOGO. (Ewwww!)
42. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Church red tape and minimum-wage jobs.
43. Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? I probably should be but I am not. Out of sight, out of mind.
44. Are you allergic to anything? Violence, I break out in blood.
45. Favorite pair of shoes? My Birkenstocks. They are sandals but I think they qualify. I have had them for over 11 years.

Six Years of National Shame

1-11-2002 / 1-11-2008

Lemuel, at The Greedy Maelstrom, has reminded us of this blight on the reputation of America. People held for years by the American government without charge. I guess this is just another example of "Liberty and justice for some."

Discussion with Kirby

I have been having an on-line discussion with a person named Kirby. It has been pretty amiable so I will continue. The whole dialogue can be found here, here, here, and here.

Although some, including Nick, have warned me against this endeavor, I have decided to continue. Even if the whole thing is futile, at least it keeps me up to "fighting speed." But so far the exchange has been civil so I have no problem continuing.

I also need to restate a disclaimer: I am sorry if I keep bringing up the age of Kirby. I think there is a great difference in how one sees the world at 18 and at 43. I am not disregarding the experience of the 18 year-old and not disregarding the idealism, we all need idealism. I am, though, saying that there is also something to be noted about experience.

That being said, let's look at what Kirby has to say:

First of all, I do not want you to think that because I do not agree with you, that I am throwing all that you have to say out the window as baseless and useless. I have examined all you have had to say and read the article you suggested. If I was not interested in the conversation we are having, I would not be using precious study time to indulge in this argument.

The article did have many clarifications and was very informative for me, and I am sure you and your partner Nick have a loving relationship, yet the article does not have any proof or bass for some of the assumptions it makes. In Romans it condemns homosexual activity as a whole, and although there does exist loving same sex relationships in today's world, the relativistic society we live in cannot blur the words of St. Paul.

But we do blur the words of St. Paul. Again, I would bring up the situation of women teaching in the church. The rector I am working with is a woman. I have worked with pastors who are women. Granted, the Roman Catholic church does not allow women to be priests, and this is one of the areas that I differed with the Catholic church. It is also one of the reasons I left the Catholic church.

Now it seems that where we differ for the most part in our debate in views
on interpretation. I claim that I have the true and ultimate interpretation in
that of the Catholic Church, you claim that there is no perfect interpretation
and we merely must do our best with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (if I am
off base on your belief, please correct me) please do not think that I am a
Catholic who accepts the doctrine of the Church blindly and never questions the
word. I never hesitate to challenge an interpretation of the Church which I feel
odd about, yet to this day, I have been proven wrong on every doctrine. I was
raised Methodist and sent to a Catholic school because the public school I would
have attended is the number one meth school in the nation. So as a protestant in
a Catholic school, I questioned every aspect of their faith hoping to prove them
wrong. Most of the time I succeeded, but only because the majority of the
students do not know their faith very well, because when I came across one
teacher in particular, I was taken step by step logically to an answer. Every
question I had, he had an answer. But although I have left the Methodist Church,
I feel no bitterness towards it, and I even often go to Church with my Mother on
Sundays.

What I was getting at in that small tangent was that you should keep your
mind open to at least hear the defense of the Catholic Church and not be ready
to end the conversation with every minute Catholic teaching that is thrown in. I
feel the only way I can get what I am trying to say across to you is to attempt
to get the true message of the Catholic Church across; so that whatever corrupt
view you have of the Catholic Faith may be corrected. So now I would like to
know the doctrinal differences, other than views of homosexuality, which you
left the Catholic Church because of.

If you are willing to share those with me I feel we could make some
progress in our conversation, otherwise we will continue to but heads on every
detail.

Yes, it does come down to interpretation. (Concerning your comment that I should "keep [my] mind open:" please realize that I have been at this process for longer than you have been alive. If anyone should be pleading for someone to keep their mind open, I should be making that request of you.) I have been preaching on the scripture for over seven years. Every time I approach the scripture, I find something new. If it weren't a matter of interpretation, all we would have to do is have one sermon or homily and just repeat it every three years. But life changes and our understanding of scripture changes. This change in understanding is Biblical. Peter was challenged to change his understanding of what was clean and what was unclean. (Acts 10)

We too have are challenged to change our understanding. Our understanding of the place of women in the church has changed. Our understanding of slavery has changed. Our understanding of divorce has changed. Perhaps our understanding of homosexuality needs to change too.

My theological understanding is that the Holy Spirit is still at work in the world. The Holy Spirit is still expanding our knowledge and understanding of the scriptures. Just as Peter's understanding of what was clean and unclean was changed, our understanding also must change. The world is not static, our understanding of scripture must not be static either.

Ok, why I left the Catholic church.

One, I could not stomach the separation of clergy and laity, especially the priests. They were people, just like me. They may have been singled out for a specific calling in life, but that calling did not suddenly make them superhuman and above question.

Two, I stated my feeling about women in leadership positions. How can be deny people whom God has called? You may say that they can become nuns, but that is a cop out answer. We are telling them that because of their gender (and gender alone) they are less fit to lead. That does not make sense.

Three, praying to saints. Saints are people like you and I. We do not need a mediator, we have one. He is named Jesus.

Four, the ever-virginity, immaculateness of Mary. This is just an excuse to not be about the work of God in the world. We can say that we have not been endowed with the "special gifts" that have been given to Mary (or the saints for that matter) so we could not possibly do what they did. So therefore, we are off the hook. But if we realize that God works in this world through, to paraphrase Joan Osborn, "slobs like us," then we see that God can use us to do incredible things.

Five, closed communion. How dare we have the hubris to turn someone away from God's table!! Would Jesus, who ate with sinners, turn anyone away? Jesus even fed Judas before Judas went off to betray him. If that is not table hospitality, then I do not know what is! And the Catholic church would turn people away? That does not strike me as very Christian.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers Dr. Benton Quest!
I would like to inform you that my name is Kirby Longo, that may clarify all the confusing issues with the Kirb and Longo 15 names, I keep having to create new screen names for the blogger

Kirby, again thank you for the prayers, we all need them. But be aware of what you are praying for: if it is that I receive insight, maybe the prayers have been answered. There is the possibility that I actually have received insight and this conversation is a product of the Holy Spirit to spread this insight to you and to others. I cannot know this, but it is a possibility. Perhaps I am to receive insight from you? Who knows? But again, I will repeat your entreaty back to you, "keep your mind open."

Peace,

Benton

Latest Creation

Just finished him today. He is about 16 inches tall.

A Frightening Trend

This is a photo of our neighbor's door. This is not THE NEIGHBOR, but one down the hall. This seems to be the new thing in the building: we don't take the garbage out, we just set it outside of the door. This bag of garbage was sitting outside the door at 9 this morning and this picture was taken around 4 in the afternoon. If finally was gone by 9 in the evening. I was feeling passive-aggressive so I put a bow on the bag. When the bag was finally thrown out, the bow was left on the floor.

This is just a continuation of things in this apartment complex. People do not clean up after their dogs. Dogs are left to run loose. People leave their garbage sit outside of their apartments. The parking lot is almost impassable after the snow. The management does nothing about the situation with THE NEIGHBOR. It is just a bunch of little things that get so annoying. We really try to be good neighbors and clean up after ourselves and our dog. It is just annoying when no one else seems to do the same. I hate stepping in dog dew while taking Amber out to do her thing.

Response to Kirb or longo15 or Whoever!

I received this response from longo15 a while back but with Christmas, New Year, and all, I haven't had the opportunity to respond. So here is a response. I will be interspersing my responses into longo15's comment.


longo15 stated:

First of all, I have to clarify that I am Kirb, Kirb and longo 15 are the same
person, I am sorry for switching screen names on you. Yes I am only 18. Its a
shame you have bills and socks older than me.

As for your belief on the few universal truths in existence, how can you say
that the call for chastity is not one? It is clear the call to chastity is not a
person to person situation, there are no special dispensations, there are no
Joseph Smiths in the Christian Religion.

I have to wonder what you consider "chaste?" If you are going to limit "chaste" to marriage, then we need to agree on which definition of marriage we will accept. Do we accept Adam and Eve who were not married? Do we accept Jacob who was married to the sisters Leah and Rachael? Do we limit marriage to David who had many wives but was also a "really good" friend (good enough to strip in front of: 1 Samuel 18:4) with Jonathan? (Aside: I have had many friends, but there is only one that I took off my clothes in front of other than being at the gym or the pool. And that one happens to be my partner.) Or Solomon and his hundreds of wives and concubines? Or Peter who appears to leave his family to fend for themselves? These are all Biblical, so which one should be choose?


longo15 continues:

I apologize if you felt that I was condemning you as a person, for I am not. I
am, however, judging your actions. There is an absolute right and wrong, it is
not up for Interpretation. You say that because I sin I cannot judge your sin.
The difference between our situations is, I do not justify my sin as correct! It
seems now according to what you have said that we have established the correct
interpretation of Romans one, that homosexuality is included among the eternally
forbidden sins.

No, we have not established the correct interpretation of Romans 1. Unless we can go back to Paul himself, we cannot know the CORRECT interpretation. That is the point! We can make stabs at an interpretation, but we cannot KNOW this side of the eschaton. Besides, sin is sin. If you are going to buy into the venial and mortal sins classification, then this conversation comes to a halt. Sin is sin. And the wages of sin is death. ALL SIN. We all have fallen short.

longo15 says:

Let’s make a deal, I will list my sins and you can judge them accordingly. But
although you are judging my sins, I know you are not condemning me as a person,
which I agree is wrong!
1) I masturbated 2 weeks ago
2) I struggle with my lusty thoughts,(although the high school girls don’t help me out)
3) I lied to my parents
4) I took the Lord’s name in vain.
5) I used to be addicted to chewing tobacco, and still chew occasionally
6) I am often controlled by material possessions

This is what I can think of off the top of my head, although I am sure there many more. I do sin, just as all human beings, yet I do not attempt to justify my sin as correct. I feel grief for my sins, and I then attend confession and do penance. If I do not attend confession soon after sins such as lust, the grief is overwhelming.

I could care less how often you masturbate or have lusty thoughts. Welcome to the human race! I am not going to judge you. It is not my place. Did you read Romans 2:1? I will post it for you: "1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." By saying what I do is wrong, you are passing judgement. You have shown that you are of the assumption that you have the definitive interpretation of the Bible and can then pass judgement on others. Instead of being of the assumption that you have an understanding that works for this point in your life. When I was your age, I thought homosexuality was acceptable in others but not in me. Even thought I wanted to be held by my buddy, I would not let it happen. I also decided it would be wrong to have gay sex so I would have no sex at all. But my understanding of God and of the Bible changed. God is loving. God is not looking through my bedroom ceiling taking notes.

I throw parts of the Bible out? This amazes me because I do not remember ever
catching myself throwing parts of the Bible out to justify sins. The laws you
accuse me of throwing out were written for specific situations. Leviticus was
written after the Golden calf incident and were the laws of the Jews "probation"
which they were to observe during the 40 years in the desert. Deuteronomy, or as
you probably know is the "second law" was written in the fields of Moab after
the Jewish men were seduced by the prostitutes. They were then made by God to
walk the desert 40 more years.... no they weren't! God made compromises with
them. He met them where they were at during that moment in time. This is the
reason Deuteronomy was full of compromises and laws we might not follow. Laws
formed from the Jews "hardness of heart."

You might know all these things, but the point I am trying to make is that these laws were made for those specific periods in time and we are in no way throwing them out, because they never applied to our current time! They were not meant for us, so there is no need to throw them out.

You say you do not throw parts of the Bible out and then you proceed to justify not paying attention to Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Since Some say that Paul's words were not meant for us, by your logic we can totally disregard Romans and other writings. Do you pay attention to women who teach in church?

I will not elaborate why the Catholic Church, which I assure you there are many! [I have no idea what longo15 means here.] But if you can truthfully say to yourself that all human beings who are allowed to interpret the Bible for themselves with no outside guidance would interpret it correctly, there is nothing which can convince you. The Bible has other things to say on the subject though "Consider the patience of our Lord as salvation, as our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, also wrote to you. Speaking of these things as he does in all his letters. In them there are some things hard to understand that the ignorant and unstable distort to their own destruction just as they do the other scriptures" -2Peter 3:15-16 The saints and I continue in fervent prayer for you Benton

Well, thanks for the prayers. As far as interpretation without outside help, have you read the article I suggested? This is not just me pulling ideas out of my hat. These are scholars who have done much research and have come to learned conclusions. Besides, I do not consider my opinion on these matters to be without merit. My seminary degree was earned at Trinity seminary in Columbus OH. You could not know that, but to assume that an opinion that does not mesh with your own or that which you have been told is "gospel truth" is without foundation is hubris.

I have a feeling this discussion is going nowhere. Most of the arguments you bring up are ones that I have already contemplated and found wanting. The arguments about the Catholic church are also ones that I have left behind. (I was raised Roman Catholic.)

Madeline's New Look For A New Year

My cats each have their own ornament. Today, Madeline was lying under the tree and just happened to be lined up with the ornament. I thought it looked funny.

2007: A retrospect

I guess this is the thing to do on New Year's Eve, sit back and assess what happened.

I guess on the whole, This year was mostly a bust. This year saw a loss of a job. A loss of prescription coverage. And losing my house. I would not have thought a year ago that I would be in a small town in Michigan, working at Starbucks, trying to make ends meet. And then there is THE NEIGHBOR!

Some good things have happened. Nick moved in at the beginning of the year and that has been a comfort and a blessing. I did get a job that is willing to work with my schedule. And I found a rector that is more in keeping with my style of liturgy and theology.

Amber's Tired

Multitasking

Hey! I am multitasking!

I am being avoidant because I am not doing my sermon for this Sunday. And I am working really hard to not be passive-aggressive.

The passive-aggressive part is easier to explain. The NEIGHBOR is making all kinds of noise downstairs. Now, there is a part of me that wants to bang on HIS door and ask how many "fornicating" elephants HE is keeping? But, of course, when he is making the noise, it is ok. I am really trying to act mature, but there is a part of me that wants to be childish.

The sermon? That is another story. I just have to get it done. Due to Christmas, I didn't get the usual "cogitation" time. But I am sure it will get done.

Merry Christmas from Nick, Me, and the Dog

"I am thinking of you today because it is Christmas and I wish you happiness, and tomorrow, because it will be the day after Christmas, I shall wish you happiness and so on clear through the year...Whatever joy or success comes to you will make me glad. Without pretense and in plain words 'Goodwill' to you is what I mean in the spirit of Christmas."

Henry Van Dyke


Hope your Holiday Season is Merry and Bright! And all your Christmases be white unless you live in a part of the country or world where that would cause a huge problem.



This year's installment of "Santas for Nick!" The purple one is the new one. The red one is from last year.

Angels we have heard...

This was taken through a nifty pair of glasses someone had given me a few years ago. When you look at a point of light, what you see are two angels flying on either side of the light. I don't know now they do it, but it is a cool effect!

This is why I am proud to be Episcopalian!

Teresa Morrison at The Advocate.com has a great article about the Episcopal church and our Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori.

Morrison writes:

In this age of gay bashing from all sides, it isn’t often we [the LGBT community] encounter a religious leader -- or any leader -- willing to bulldog for our rights, especially when faced with such a potentially high cost to herself and the institution she represents. What I wouldn’t give for such genuine representation in our elected officials.

And this is the reason I am Fr. Ben instead of Pr. Ben.

(Hat tip to Jake)

Some People Still Don't Get It

Matt Hill Comer at InterstateQ has posted a great essay about returning to his home congregation after being away.

He Comer writes,

Today, after seven years of attempting to build the courage and strength, I finally went back to my childhood Baptist church - the place where the stench of hatred, bigotry and oppression was, and still is, thick in the air. Grapevine Baptist Church in Lewisville, N.C., is a place where violence against gays and lesbians is honored, adored and glorified from the pulpit - a place where I heard many times, “Put the queers on a ship, pluck a hole into the side of it and send it out to sea,” or “Put all the gays in their own two states and shut the borders” (with the logical conclusion therefore being that all the gays would die out).

It is sad that although some change has been made, places like this still exist. What is also sad is that it would be easy to think of these people as evil or cruel when in actuality, I believe they are just misguided.

Check it out. Also check out the comment from a congregation member and Comer's response.

Original Blessing

Ok, before I start, I need to apologize to Matthew Fox for the butcher job I will probably do to his book.

When I was a camp counselor back in the late 80's, I read a book that changed the way I would look at God. That book was Original Blessing by Matthew Fox.

I met Fox once, and when I met him, I said, "I needed to meet the person the Pope silenced." He said, "Ah, my papally initiated 'vacation.'"

I really don't see what was so bad about the book and what would get the Pope so irked other than the fact that Fox cannot reconcile a loving God with the vindictive teaching of original sin.

Simply put: A God who would create a beautiful, blessing filled world for us is not a God who would then damn us to Hell. It just doesn't make sense. I agree, it doesn't make sense. A God who loves us and wants what is best for us does make sense. So instead of starting with a hateful, vindictive God, I choose to start with an all loving God.

If you approach the Bible from the perspective of a loving God and not that of a hateful God, things appear much different. God works to bring out the best in us, God's creation. The creator does not hate the creation. So many people portray God as if God hates us. They may say God loves us, but they do not bear that out with their words or actions.

Maybe if people would believe the Bible they profess. God is the loving God who crafted this universe over millions (Yes, millions) of years for us. If we could come to this understanding, then there really might be a paradise here on earth.

Response to longo15

longo15 responded to this post. What he said is posted below.

Hey Pastor,

You are correct in part of your truth journey, for you found friendship and acceptance, but you CANNOT base your whole truth on feelings. Certainly we are called to friendships and community. I am 18 years old and plan on entering into the Catholic seminary. As a teenager, i still am attracted to women, yet as I pray I gain strength in my chastity. I still feel attracted, but it can be overcome. This is true for everyone, although you have an urge to continue in homosexual activity, you must take into consideration what the Bible says. You are throwing it out on translation and speculation. There are times in the Bible when laws are based on certain times in history, yet it is clear in Romans 1 that the law is not temporary. Read the whole chapter and leave nothing out. This is not an insult because I am sure as a pastor you have read this passage numerous times. What baffles me is that you have read it so many times and still managed to ignore it.

This entire argument is based on translation. Don’t you think, as someone who loves God with all his heart, that he is smarter than to leave something as Holy and powerful as the Bible unattended? This is one of the reasons I have converted to the Catholic Church. I do not claim to know all things, but I do claim to know who does, and that is the church. "The Church of the living God, the Pillar and Foundation of truth" -1 Timothy 3:15. This is important in order that all are able to receive the true interpretation of the Bible.

"Consider the patience of our Lord as salvation, as our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, also wrote to you. Speaking of these things as he does in all his letters. In them there are some things hard to understand that the ignorant and unstable distort to their own destruction just as they do the other scriptures" -2Peter 3:15-16
Many cannot interpret the Bible for themselves; this is why the foundation of the Catholic Church is so essential! Do not close your mind to the whole truth while twisting scripture to mean what you would like.

For a man in your situation who teaches scripture, it is so important that the correct interpretations are taught. If you are throwing certain parts of scripture out on supposed interpretational errors, you are placing distrust in the word of God. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. The saints will also continue to pray for you Benton.

I really don't know where to start in response. My first reaction was to say, "You are only 18?! I have socks older than you! I have bills older than you! (Actually not, I have paid off my undergrad loans. I wish I could say the same for my grad school loans!)" And although there is probably some truth to that feeling, it is also insulting to longo15.

I do get a little skeptical when I read where someone states unequivically, "This is true for everyone..." In my life, I have found little, if anything that is true for everyone. Ok, I will backtrack, there are two truths that I will claim; those being God loves everyone and Jesus' death and resurrection brings forgiveness to everyone. As I said to Kirb, if we cannot agree on these two points, then I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year. I will not discuss any farther because it would be fruitless.

Ok, on to Romans! I think it is telling that people like to comment on Romans 1 but forget to mention Romans 2:1-4. The chapter and verse designations in the Bible are arbitrary, they were not in the original manuscripts. To put the chapter break where it is is also arbitrary. If we read the parts together, we get the condemmation of the ungodly, yes, but then we get, "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on soneone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, becasue you who pass judgement do the same things." (Romans 2:1, NIV) ...becasue you who pass judgement do the same things! This is a "we are all sinners" kind of thing. You cannot judge because you are just as guilty. So, if we don't want to get into selective reading, then this pretty much ends the discussion. We are being told to quit judging one another. Period.

longo15 said,"What baffles me is that you have read it [Romans 1] so many times and still managed to ignore it."

I "ignore" it because it does not apply to me. Although I may question God, (which has a long and glorious history) I continue to give glory to God. I have not ceased to give glory. So, if what I am doing is causeing me to be gay, then I would need to cease belief in God to become "not gay"? That sounds silly. Maybe you are suggesting that I have not given glory to God; that is hubris. That is also not for you to judge.

When we look at the list of sins in Romans 1 26-32, can ANY of us say that we have not been given over to these sins? "They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. THey are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderes, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heatless, ruthless." (Romans 1:29-31) If you wish to claim that none of these can be applied to you, then again, this conversation is over because you: a) do not exist or b) are dillusional. In either case, it does not lead to a good discussion.

The Biblical truth here? We all fall short in faith. We all have logs in our eyes. We need to be loving in our interactaions with others because there will be a time when we will want and need a loving, compassionate, judge. Ok, I guess this is a third thing that is true for everyone. We all fall short and we all desire loving comapassion.

To not provide loving compassion is to not be a follower of Jesus. Calls us to follow in his ways. Jesus did not condemn, he forgave. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." "Love your neighbor as yourself." Herein lie the law and the prophets. It is not that hard.

longo15 said:

For a man in your situation who teaches scripture, it is so important that the correct interpretations are taught. If you are throwing certain parts of scripture out on supposed interpretational errors, you are placing distrust in the word of God.

Huh? We constantly throw parts of the Bible out. We interpret the Bible with the Bible. The Jesus who calls people to love their neighbor as themselves would not be calling people to buy, sell, or bequeith slave as we find in Lev. 25:44-46. And no amount of contextual analysis will save it. But we do not go around allowing slavery. Jesus' law of love would not let us. We disreagard that one every day and are appalled when we hear about those who keep slaves even though to do so is "Biblical."

And nowhere is it found that one group was held up as righteous in a historic context throught the repression of another group. Whenever mass repression has occurred, history has never been kind.

longo15 said:

Many cannot interpret the Bible for themselves; this is why the foundation of the Catholic Church is so essential! Do not close your mind to the whole truth while twisting scripture to mean what you would like.

Sorry, I cannot go there. I am a recovering Roman. A church that would silence and excommiunicate people for seeking the truth is not someting that I wish to be part of.

Various Thoughts

Well, a year ago today I became an Episcopalian. I guess my life has gone through some changes, but really, I haven't seen too much of a change. I guess now I am under employed, not unemployed. That is a start. I still don't have a call though. I sure hope that changes soon.

I can't believe some people. My manager told a joke to the guests at work that I had told him. The joke: A man and a woman were arguing about making coffee. The man said that women should make the coffee because of the whole "women in the kitchen" thing. The woman said that the man should make the coffee because it is Biblical. "Biblical?" asked the man. The woman opend the Bible and pointed to the book of He-brews. Later, a woman asked to see the manager (who just turned out to be the one who told the joke!). She complained that she was offended that an emplyee would tell a joke that would make fun of the Bible. GET A CLUE LADY! I have told that joke from the pulpit. What was even better is that she didn't realize that the manager she was complaining to was in fact the one who told the joke.

And I couldn't care less about Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant. I just think that a wonderful opportunity to be really responsible and decide to place the child for adoption has been missed. Of course she will keep the baby. How better to be a role model for future teen moms who will lose such a big chunk of their childhood. (Sorry if I offend anyone.) If kids are going to have sex (and they will) we need to make sure they have the tools they need so they don't get pregnant.

Just my opinion...BUT...

NOBODY! Looks good with a soul patch. If you grew one and thought it looked cool, IT DOESN'T!

To Those In My Home State: PAY ATTENTION!

Christmas Presents: This Year and Last Year

Well, here are the angels, or as Nick referred to them, "The Heavenly Hostesses."

Also, hanging is Nick's Christmas present from last year.

"It's Ok to say Merry Christmas to me"

Ok, have we become so passive aggressive that we need to start attacking each other over Christmas?

I just saw a commercial about this button. "It's Ok to say Merry Christmas to me" What a stupid thing to say! If someone wants to wish me a happy anything, I should graciously accept the wish and return the kindness.

It is ok to say "Merry Christmas" to me, or "Happy Hanukkah," or "Festive Kwanzaa." or even "Joyous Solstice." What have we become when we repay kindness with anger and disdain?

I saw a post about "Joyous Solstice." Sorry but I forget where. I just loved the buttons they said we should be wearing: "12:21 - It's Not Just A Palindrome" and "Axial Tilt - It Is The Reason For The Seasons!" Maybe that is what we should all do anyway. We can agree on that one.

Why can't we just be nice to each other?

I Can Live With This...

Cash Advance Loans

My Brain Hurts!

(If the picture does not appear to be turning, click on it to bring it up in a new window.)

Take a look at the above picture.

Now, before you do anything else, which way is this girl turning? Think about your first reaction, before you read any further.

If she was turning anti-clockwise, your left brain hemisphere is dominant.If she was turning clockwise, your right brain hemisphere is dominant.Both are equally valid.

• Left Brain
• Logical
• Sequential
• Rational
• Analytical
• Objective
• Looks at parts

• Right Brain
• Random
• Intuitive
• Holistic
• Synthesizing
• Subjective
• Looks at wholes

I can make the dancer turn counter-clockwise (or anti-clockwise as our Aussi friends would say) but only with much mental work. Interesting.

(Hat tip to VolaciousNet and YarravillePaul.)

More Creations for Presents

The flower is picking up a combination of reflected light and natural glow from the setting sun. The "color" of the glass is frosted.

This is one of three. The other two will be coming. I must admit that this is my least favorite of the three.

Biblical Truth vs Literal Truth

(A nice calming picture is good for everyone!)

I hope kirb doesn't mind, I am again posting his comment into another post. I think points that are brought up are worthy of more than just a comment section.

kirb said...

Actually, doc, i do happen to take everything in the Bible as "Bible truth". It seems as though you have written off the Bible in your explanation. Some of the laws were certainly written for that time in history (for example: in Matthew 19:7-8 the pharisees asked why Moses allowed divorce and Jesus answered because of the hardness of their heart, but it was not so from the beginning). Others, such as the Ten Commandments, were written for all eternity. You can not merely throw all of them out. does that make sense?

I would argue that homosexual acts are eternally forbidden based on Paul's letter to the Romans chapter 1. Here, Paul puts it in a theological context. He says that homosexual acts are the result of a darkened mind, those who have rejected God's word. They were also penalized for their perversity.


I encourage you to check out a book called "Beyond Gay". Also, i beg you to look into a group i know of called "Courage". It is for those who have been involved in homosexual activity but are now trying to live chaste lives. I agree that you have been going through some rough times and that makes this all the more important. You, as a paster, are put in a position in which it is crucial to teach the whole truth. I urge you to meditate on Romans 1, and ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit of Truth, who will "guide us into all truth" Jn 16:13 i'll keep you in my prayers constantly, as i am sure all the saints will!!

I would also like a reply.

Ok, there is a difference between "Bible truth" and "literal truth." When we get these mixed we get into trouble. "Biblical truth" - adultery is a serious problem and we need to work to preserve the sanctity of marriage. "Literal truth" - stone those caught in adultery. If you are of the assumption that "Biblical" = "Literal" truth, then our conversation is over. I can appreciate your view of the Bible, but I think using the Bible in this manner is idolatry. I know that we do not speak Greek, let alone Aramaic or Hebrew, so what we are getting in the Bible is already in translation. Even if we could go back to the "original Greek" that is still a translation from the spoken Aramaic. And each time you encounter a translation, you are encountering an interpretation.

Even in English which we both purport to speak and read, we have interpretive problems. I can type the words, "Who cares?" (And, yes, this did really happen to me.) I meant it as in, "Who cares, it is good to have it presented." What was interpreted from the words was, "Who cares, it was a stupid idea to begin with." So even when we can agree on the meaning of words, we have trouble in finding definitive "intention" to written words, even today. How much more when the words we are talking about are close to 2000 years old and from a totally different place and understanding? (And again, the translation thing comes into play.)

If you have not read the article, consider reading just pages 9-13 concerning Romans 1. There are many interpretive stumbling blocks there. To say that one interpretation or translation is definitive is hubris. If you are claiming to have "THE" interpretation, then I wish you well and live well the truth you have found. But I think God has more respect for the intelligence God has given to us all. Conversation is the tool through which the Holy Spirit moves.

Someone (for the life of me, I can't remember who) said that we bring the wrong questions to the Bible. The Bible is not a "how" book but a "why" book. So many of the places people get hung up on things is when they use the Bible for "how."

When I lived with the Bible as a "how" book, I was depressed, despondent, frustrated. I prayed to be changed. I prayed for the power to live a celibate life. I prayed to not notice that really cute guy who was kneeling at the communion rail. I prayed that no one would be in the locker room at the pool when I went to swim. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide me. I PRAYED! I assume you did not mean to be rude, but your comment, "I urge you to meditate on Romans 1, and ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit of Truth, who will 'guide us into all truth'" is one of the rudest things a person can say to another. As I said, I DID pray for guidance. I prayed for guidance and was lead to a therapist, a supportive community, a supportive family, and a wonderful partner. I believe the guidance and truth I sought was found in my partner, Nick. (A pastor also.) Maybe it is you that needs to pray for the truth of the Holy Spirit?

All who use the comment about praying for the truth seem to think that they have already received the truth. Then they say that those who disagree with them will continue to badger them until the badgerers (is that a word?) get what they want. What never seems to enter the mind is that maybe the badgerers are the ones who have the truth of the Holy Spirit. The "church people" of Jesus time did not want to hear the message of Jesus and his followers. I believe they were good people who were trying to do what was good. They followed their scriptures in the way they had learned and had been told. Even when the ultimate "New Interpretation" of the word was in their midst, Christ himself, they did not see it. God is still at work in the world. Revelation did not end with John.

Even God "changes." (I am not going to look up all the chapters and verses because that would make blogging too much like work.) God presents to Peter clean and unclean food and tells Peter to eat it (Acts 10:9-16, I know, I looked up the verse, I lied!!) God says not to call unclean what God has called clean. I have been called. This has been shown repeatedly by various communities of faith. Even with my "gay persona" faith communities have looked to me as a leader. If God has called me to be a leader, why should there be those who say I am "unclean?"

I am sure as you read this, you could envision me as all "wild-eyed" and ranting, but I assure you, I am very calm. Please read it with that tone running through your head. (I almost typed "heart" instead of "head." A Freudian slip of the best kind!) Have calmness running through your heart, too! This post could be used as an example of how the written word could be misinterpreted and how our initial expectations can cloud how we read and interpret. We need to be careful when we make definitive judgement of written words.

I guess this was more testimony than academic, but, hey, the Holy Spirit seemed to be directing me in that direction.

Peace, Kirb.

Response to Kirb

A person who goes by the name of "Kirb" left a comment on a post from a while back.

hello, doc so i was just wondering how you can justify homosexuality in the Bible. due to the fact that you are a protestant and all your beliefs come from the Bible alone, i would like a Biblical explanation of homosexuality. Also i have recently spoken with a lutheran [sic] who says Pastors are not allowed to express homosexuality and that the stand of the Lutheran church is No gay pastors.
One thing that scares me about your whole situation described above is your willingness to throw God out on a whim when you are merely going through one tough time. i would hope that all the preists [sic] who guide me, although they are not homosexuals, would not let hard times effect their faith.

This is the same post someone else decided to post a critique of my ability to deal with life. I find that interesting.

My answer to the first question, how do I justify homosexuality? Well, there are plenty who are far more eloquent than I and whom have taught many lectures I sat through, who have addressed this question. Of course, if you approach the subject from the prospective that the "question" of homosexuality has been absolutely and definitively answered, then these essays will not change your perspective. If, Kirb, you truly want to learn, read the material from the perspective that the Holy Spirit could be working in our world today and God is not done with educating us.

A quick, off the cuff, answer is, "We don't take everything in the Bible as "Bible Truth" (stoning adulterers, silencing women) why are these six verses lifted up for special consideration? While I was in seminary, there were people who were divorced, there were people had tattoos, there were even people going to Red Lobster and wearing blended material! And although these are things that are prohibited by the Bible, there was no problem with ordaining them. But if, as this past week's lectionary states, you will know the tree by the fruit, the fruit of the spirit I see in many GLBT people far exceeds that which I see from hateful fundamentalist churches.

To address your questioning of a leader who can question the existence of God. Well, from what I can see, I am in good company. John of the Cross, Mother Teresa, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, and even David in the Psalms, have their moments of doubts. If you have read any other parts of my blog, you would see that things in my life have been quite difficult. I do not consider that I was "throw God out on a whim when [I was] merely going through one tough time." Well, if you consider the prospect of losing my job, my home, my car, my friends, my family, and my whole self-identity as one tough time, then I guess I am spiritually weak. But if you would have read, you would have seen that my whole basis of self-identification and every facet of my life were about to change. I was feeling that if I weren't gay this wouldn't be a problem. I was feeling that I had gone through a ton of self-deception to try to convince myself that I was not gay. I keep hearing that all that I have to do is pray and trust and God will deliver me. I have prayed and trusted but God did not deliver me. So either God did not exist or God was some kind of sadist that enjoyed my suffering. It was actually easier to assume God did not exist than to believe that the God who created me and the world wanted me live in loneliness and despair.

Now, if you think that I should have remained depressed and despairing and believing God was purposely not answering my prayers, and just "shut up and believe," well... All I know, is I would not have been good to anyone until I could come to terms with God. Thank God for the billboard! It is through our struggles that we are able to help others. If this were not so, support groups would not exist.

Thanks for your comment, Kirb! I truly mean that! Please look around and ask more questions!

Peace

The More Things Change...

I turned on Logo today and was hit again with all that seemed to pain me over the past year or more. Logo was showing a documentry called Call to Witness. This documentry chronicled the events of the ELCA in the 1990's concerning the ordination of openly gay pastors in the ELCA. How sad, the comments that were made in this 2000 documentry are the same comments that were said last August in Chicago. The same "We said/they said." The church of the reformation is letting others do the reforming.

I would just like to ignore the stupidity in the world. But there seems to be so much of it! Do people go out of their way to be dense? Sometimes I just want to ask people if being that stupid hurts.

Then there is a simple statement of fact; if you do not like homosexuality, don't do it. And all you who protest so much, what are you so afraid of? Start dealing with your life and leave our lives ALONE!

The Latest Creation

Spamalot

I FINALLY got to see Spamalot! It was great!

I have been a Monty Python fan since I was a kid. I grew up watching Monty Python's Flying Circus on public television when I was a kid. And I guess being exposed to so much absurdity at such a young age has an effect on one's outlook on life. I sometimes find myself chuckling at the most inopportune times because I will think of something "Pythonesque."

The show was wonderful! I am sure I was not the only person in the audience having difficulty not making the whole thing "audience participation." Everyone's favorite lines from the movie were there, ("Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries")plus some new ones. A wonderful addition was the "diva" Lady of the Lake and her complaint of not getting enough stagetime.

The only unfortunate part of the evening is that Nick was not able to go with me. I was able to get one ticket at over half off because someone in the congregation had misplanned. We could not have afforded two tickets at the $68 price. As is, we really couldn't afford one at $30 dollars. But, as Nick put it, "Ben, you have been talking about this show for over two years," so casting financial caution to the wind, I bought the ticket and went. And as I said, I loved it!

I just hope to have an opportunity to go again, this time with Nick next to me!

Self Definition

I have been thinking about the whole concept of self-definition; you know, how we describe ourselves to ourselves. I would have to say that his is different than how we describe ourselves to others. This is our basis for how we function in the world.

Ur-Spo had mentioned in his post about how there are times when a therapist will help someone with a problem, but instead of being thankful for having that "something" gone, the person is upset or even angry. Some had theorized about the person having to admit to a problem or some other things. I think it has to do with the person's self-definition.

If a person has a self-definition as a pathetic mess, that becomes the basis for that person's life. Everything the person does comes from the framework of "pathetic mess." Even though the person may define themselves to the world as competent, to the person, he or she is still a pathetic mess.

To try and help that person change that definition can be the cause of stress. The person may understand how being a pathetic mess is pulling him down, but it is still too scary to abandon that definition. A whole lifetime had been spent on maintaining that definition and creating a life with that definition. To take that definition away means that a whole new set of behaviors need to be learned. Either that or the old behaviors need to be modified. And learning or adapting behaviors feels uncomfortable; uncomfortable and it takes a higher level of energy than just doing "what comes naturally."

I think when I was "hetero," that was the self-definition I wanted to truly believe. I didn't want to give it up. Even though I knew I was not hetero, I was not going to give up the definition and the dream. It took much work to change the definition. It took such things as actually looking in the mirror and saying, "You are gay. You are a homosexual." I had to work to change that self-definition. I had to learn new behaviors. I had to adapt. It was not easy.

Now, I am dealing with changing another self-definition. I am trying to change from a Lutheran pastor to an Episcopalian priest. I know that being able to quickly make the transition would make life so much easier, but then I would have to change all the things I had learned. It feels uncomfortable and it takes a lot of energy. If I could go back to being a Lutheran, at this moment, I would. I know that I will probably be better off as an Episcopalian, but right now, I have difficulty in thanking those who are moving me along this path.

I had to tell the rector that is working with me that I do deeply appreciate her help. Even though at times I may not seem appreciative, I am. I am just fighting an internal battle that will take time. Eventually, the self-definition will change and life will go on. But until then, it is difficult.

World Aids Day

Yesterday was World Aids Day and I didn't post anything. So I saw this on Lemuel's blog and decided to steal it. When you find something this good, it is silly to try to top it!

We need to remember that….

Beyond the ribbon…
Beyond the day of observance…
Beyond the statistics…
Beyond the cause…
Beyond the research…
Beyond the politics…
Beyond even the awareness…



…there is a person.