Pull out those gifts!

1 Corinthians 12:1-11

Just a few short weeks ago we celebrated Christmas.  By now most the decorations are put away or at least sitting in boxes in the living room waiting to go to the basement or attic.  How many of you got gifts for Christmas?  How many of you left those gifts wrapped and stuck them unopened in the closet?  Not many of us would even think of leaving those pretty packages unopened.  No, we tend to tear into them to see what Aunt Mary or that friend from work got us.  Sometimes, we find something special; other times we wonder what the giver was thinking in giving us THAT!  You know the kind of things I mean – kind of like the pink bunny pajamas in the movie, “A Christmas Story”.  Usually, people give some thought to the gifts we give – we take time to consider the person and to give something that “fits the person.”

Our epistle lesson talks about gifts that we are given by the Holy Spirit.  Paul starts this chapter telling us that he does not want us to be ignorant about spiritual gifts.  People in the Corinthian church were aware of the gifts, but the gifts were becoming a source of classism.  People with the gift of tongues, for instance, thought themselves somehow better, more blessed or more important than someone with some of those “other” gifts.  Paul was writing to set the record straight – All of the gifts are important, none more so than any other.

All of the gifts of the Holy Spirit come from one source – the Holy Spirit.  Fortunately or unfortunately, the gifts of the Holy Spirit are exactly that, gifts.  We do not have a whole lot of say in what we get or what those around us might get.  The Holy Spirit does not give us a gift card that allows us to select our favorite gift.  The gifts of the Holy Spirit are bestowed upon us. 

When I think of the distribution of gifts, I picture the sorting hat from Harry Potter – the Holy Spirit carefully considers each individual and distributes to each person a unique blending of gifts that will be suit that person and also best serve the common good.  It is this blend that is important.  And it is this blend of gifts that we need to recognize and celebrate!

Imagine if everyone here today was a brilliant preacher, but no one had the gift of generosity.  We’d have a lot of wonderful sermons, but because we did not have the money to pay the utilities and taxes, we would have nowhere to meet and to listen.  Every person, and indeed every congregation, is given the unique blend of gifts that, when discovered, developed, and displayed, will empower that person or congregation to best function as a part of the reign of God on earth.  But, still, unfortunately, we tend to fall into the old patterns, and the old assumptions, that the Corinthians did all those years ago.

Also, unfortunately, it is these assumptions that get in our way and may prevent us from doing the truly miraculous!  You know, everything we see around us didn’t just appear.  It happened because someone had an idea and trusted the idea.  Someone went out on a limb and decided that the idea, no matter how small, was worth pursuing.  All of this came about because someone didn’t believe when he or she was told that their gift was not good enough or big enough or whatever. 

Martin Luther King Jr. Day is tomorrow.  It would be easy to just look at Martin Luther King and think he was some super human person.  It would be easy to think he was something beyond what we could ever be.  It would be easy to think that he had special gifts and that God loved him more.  But if we are truthful with ourselves, we know that he was not so different from you or me.  He was a person just like us. 

What would be the state of the African American community if Martin Luther King had ignored his gifts or had thought that he should have had a different mix of gifts?  What would have happened if someone had told him that his gifts were not good enough?  We don’t know, but just think what if King had just stayed at his church in Montgomery, Alabama.  The lives of millions of people and indeed the way of the world would have been worse off if he had believed his gifts were not good enough or refused to use the gifts he had been given.  Thankfully, he rose to the call on his life and used his gifts for the good of humanity and through him the world was changed forever.

We may never change the world, but we can change a life.  We may never change the destiny of a people, but we can change the life of our community.  We may never have a day set aside to honor our life, but that doesn’t mean we are let off the hook.  We have each been given gifts and it is in using these gifts, and honoring these gifts in others, that we bring the light of Christ into the world.

I have been preaching about reaching out and going out into the community to spread the word, but unfortunately I think that many feel that we just don’t have what we need to be the love and light of Christ in Middleofnowhere.  We may feel that we just are not big enough or active enough or whatever…to be the Church here and now.  Or we personally may feel that we just do not know enough, or speak well enough, or whatever…to reach out.  Or we may not be comfortable speaking to others.  Or we may not be sure what we, ourselves, are actually feeling about the whole God and Jesus thing.  Or worse yet, we may have been told that what we had to offer was just not good enough.  But to believe that we are just not good enough to spread God’s love is to deny what the Holy Spirit has given to each of us and to us as a congregation. 

Sometimes I believe we do NOT want to be gifted.  Let’s face it, King’s gifts made his life a bit more “interesting” than most of us would like.  But again, this would be like taking a well thought out, conscientiously selected present and placing it in a box, never to be seen again.  I know I would be upset to learn that a gift I gave to someone was put away, unopened.  I am sure God is not happy when we just place our spiritual gifts on the shelf.

Sometimes, using our gifts can be scary.  We do not know how people will react.  But it is at times like this that we need to trust in Holy Spirit, the giver of the gift.  We need to trust that the Spirit carefully selected the gifts for us and that the Spirit will be with us in the use of our gifts.  We can trust that our gifts are not there to hurt us, but to help us!

Through the use of our Spiritual gifts not only is our life is made richer, but that the reign of God is brought to the world.  How sad it would have been if Martin Luther King, Jr. had ignored his gifts and never shared his dream with the world.  How sad if we down-play or ignore the gifts we have been given and not share those gifts with our friends, our family, our community, and those whom God brings into our life.

We have been given gifts.  We are asked to share those gifts with others.  We are asked to help others find their own gifts.  In this process, not only are others blessed, but we are blessed too!  How cool is that?

Counting Down

All kinds of emotions happening right now.  I am happy to be over with this job.  I am frustrated that the time isn't going faster.  I am scared about the future. 

At work, my managers are pretty much avoiding me.  The one who yelled at me because I wasn't doing her job has yet to even acknowledge that she did anything wrong.  Oh well.  The healer in me wants to try to help the system heal, the human in me just can't do it.  I have to realize that!

I still have a crappy work schedule this week.  I work 1-7:30 today, 8:30-5 tomorrow and Friday, and then 5:30 am - 10 am on Saturday.  I am not even going to talk about next week.  Next week they have thrown in the dreaded off at 7:30 pm and in at 5:30 am.  Yes, I love this job.

My biggest problem is that I just keep second guessing myself.  "Am I being a baby?"  "Could I stick this out?"  "Am I a quitter?"  I know this is the best thing to do, but the old tapes keep playing.  And having been raised Roman Catholic, those tapes have gotten transferred to MP3 and are on continuous loop!

Today is the Day!

If you are getting tired of hearing about the whole BUX thing I guess I have some good news.  Today I will be giving work my two-week notice.  If you don't want to hear any more about this, then I would send you to Swimpixx for some pictures of cute guys in speedos.

The resignation letter goes out today.  When I started working at BUX, (over three years ago), it was supposed to be a stop-gap position until I could find a church.  We always hear how churches are in need of clergy, I figured this would be a no-brainer:  Short time doing a seemingly fun job and then get back to the real work of doing the church thang.  Well, it wasn't so fast going back to the church thang.  And being in BUX has definitely lost its luster.

I am a pretty highly introverted person.  In the church, this can be dealt with; office doors can be closed while work is being done.  Or, in the age of laptop computers, sermons and other things can be written while having a BUX instead of making it.  But when you work at BUX, there is no escaping from the thronging masses; even when feeling overwhelmed. 

My feelings about being gay that I stated previously is not that I hate being gay, it is that I get so frustrated when people try to say that their opinions on all things GLBT really has no impact.  Yes, it does have an impact!  Nick likened this to the great doctor who could not practice because he was black.  Not saying I am a great preacher, but prejudice hurts us in ways we don't necessarily consider.  Also, I don't think people know how their opinions (and votes) truly impact actual people, not just imaginary or stereotypical "gay people."

I had to make a decision with work:  Do I change myself to fit the job or do I try to change the job?  Trying to change the job is the bigger task so I first tried to change my thoughts and expectations.  When I reached that "I can't change any more" point, I tried to change the work setting.  (A much more difficult prospect!)  Now that this is not working, I have finally decided that I need to remove myself from the setting.  Too many thoughts of hurting myself or others.  This is not a good thing!  (And me with no therapist or medication!)

Well, that is it for now.  I am sure more will appear as it occurs.

Night Time

Night is always the worst for me.  My brain always seems to be abuzz.  Tonight is no different.

I get angry when I think about my classmates going on vacations, buying houses, having full time congregations.  I get angry when I think of all those "normal" things that a pastor should be doing.  I get angry because I do not have these.  Not because of something that I have done that is bad, but because I am gay.  I left the church because I am gay.  I lost my house because I am gay.  I had to take my sucky jobs because I a gay.  It makes me angry.

I guess I should look at all of this from the viewpoint that I am still blessed to have some kind of income and all that happy horsesh@t, but I am not.  I am not feeling blessed at all.  (Well, that would be wrong, I am blessed to have Nick in my life.)  But besides that, I am not feeling at all blessed.  I am leaving a crappy, mentally abusive job.  I hate the person I become when I leave the job but I have no psychic reserves left to deal with anything.  I am unable to do the things that I love.  I love the people at my congregation, but they are not able to pay me enough money to keep me out of the crappy jobs.  Jobs that pay enough or are not so crappy do not have the  flexibility to allow for ministry.

I feel trapped.  I feel better about leaving, but am afraid that I will get away for a while, get rested, and will then be able to return to BUX.  But, by this time, the job will be gone.

I so want to trust that God will be waiting there to help.  I need to trust that God will be there.  If I don't believe, I am sure I will sink into the pit of despair.  I have been there once and do not want to return.

Nick asked if I would still be quitting if I were still on Celexa, I rightly don't know.  Would I be quitting or would I be allowing myself to be used and abused by a screwed up system?  I don't know.  But I keep on going.

Later Breaking Events

Well, Nick and I have talked about me quitting and I think I am in a much better place.

It may not be the easiest for us, but we will make it through.  The situation had become quite intolerable at work and not healthy for me.  So it is time to leave.

I think I have said before that there are some things brewing in the wings that could be very good!  It is just that I would like to have things happen sooner as opposed to later!  I have a friend who says we need to follow the rules of the Wing Walker and make sure you have a new handhold before you let go of the old handhold.  But right now, I think I am in trapeze mode:  I need to let go and fly through the air for a while.

Panic Setting In?

Every metaphor I think of has to do with drowning.  The most vivid involves swimming toward the surface of the water and seeing the light ahead.  And although the light can be seen, your lungs are burning and you can't hold your breath any longer.  Salvation is just ahead but you cannot hold on any longer.  So you take a breath and fill your lungs with water and sink to the bottom.

My father once told me that I could not do anything right and that everything I touch I break.  I know these words were said in anger, but they still haunt me.  It feels like I am destined to go through life breaking things and destroying what is around me.  Why can't I just go with the flow and be a happy Doobee?

I want to trust that God is in this and that I can just put my faith in God.  I want to believe that this will turn out well.  But I can also see this failing miserably.  I am so scared.

Nick is a good man and said he would stick beside me, but why should he have to go through all of this crap?  He didn't sign on for this.

I am just trying to become exhausted enough so I can pass out.  Sleep is eluding me.  And I have a sermon to write.

To quote John Mellencamp: "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."

I am not quite ready for life to be over, but the luster has sure gone off of it.

Enough is Enough

I will be putting my two-week notice in at work.  Today was the day that did it.

Between working 40-hours/week over the course of 6 days.  Having to do church things.  And just the general frustration of working with a man who can get away with anything; I have decided that my tenure with BUX is at an end.

Granted, we are short of staff, but it is not like this has not been foreseen.  And we are lacking in proper trainers, not that this had not been pointed out.  It was suggested that I be trained as a coach back in August.  We have been without a Learning Coach for almost six months with nothing said or done.

Then today I get yelled at by my boss because I do not know who to call because the equipment is not working.  I had told the Lead weeks before that the equipment was not working properly, but nothing was done.  Now the Lead is not at work and I am supposed to be calling people to fix the equipment.  Hey, I am not trained to do this!  It was suggested that I get the training back in August (see previous paragraph) but that never happened. 

I cannot do church and BUX and keep from going ballistic.  So, the coffee job has to go.  I wish I had a hand hold to move to, but I do not.  But to keep going the way I am going is not going to work either. 

If you are the praying type; they would be appreciated.

How Trippy!

I had a "Twilight Zone" moment happen to me on New Year's Eve.

Nick and I were invited to the home of a parishioner of mine.  These people are life long Episcopalians and were founding members of the my current church.  So what I saw on the counter left me totally speechless.

I walked in and saw a coffee cup on the counter.  Now, this is not something that would be odd except for the fact that the cup said, St. Joseph Lutheran Church, Middleofnowhere, MI.  St. Joseph was the first church I pastored!  Even more trippy, I was the one who instigated the purchase of the cups to give to visitors! 

How weird!  Life-long Episcopalians having a coffee cup from a little Lutheran church that is in a little town about 150 miles away, that I encouraged the congregation to buy about nine years ago.  Sometimes life just gets odd.

The Moving Of The Holy Spirit

A while ago, Dr. Ur-Spo asked me to write something about the Holy Spirit.  I guess the spirit finally moved me to do so!

When I think of the Holy Spirit, I guess there are a couple of things that need to be made clear.  The first is that this is NOT a personal phenomenon, it is the phenomenon of a group.  I guess it may be likened to the Collective Consciousness of Jungian Theory.

Now, having said that it is not a personal phenomenon, it is a phenomenon that happens to people.  The Holy Spirit works with individuals.  I guess the best analogy I can think of is people moving in a crowd or fish in a school, each one acts individually, but together, they create an epiphenomenon.

This is an important point to make.  If the person just functions in a vacuum, that person may be claiming just about anything as "Spirit Inspired."  I had a parishioner who would call at all kinds of weird hours claiming the "Holy Spirit told me to call."  When I finally confronted him by asking why the Holy Spirit would tell him to call when I was out running, or why the Holy Spirit would care how many seats are in an auditorium, he finally stopped.

Now, that doesn't mean that the Holy Spirit couldn't be working through the parishioner, but that is where the whole group phenomenon comes into play.  I believe that if something is of the Spirit, it is reinforced by the community.  This doesn't mean that some truly miraculous things can't happen.  I am reminded of the scene in "Field of Dreams" where Ray tells his wife that he thinks he should build a baseball field.  His wife's response is that it is totally nuts, but she agrees.

The working of the Spirit is something that cannot be nailed down.  It is a series of feelings and intuition.  But it is a series of feelings and intuitions that are guided by a community of faith.  And it is the community of faith that is the important aspect.

In the ELCA Lutheran Church, becoming a pastor is a discernment process.  When a person says they feel called to the clergy, it goes through a process of meeting with various groups to see if this is just an ego trip for the candidate or if this is really of the Spirit.  This process continues all through seminary with continued meetings for discernment.  Finally, the person is not ordained until a church actually calls the person.  I have known people who have gone through seminary only to not find a call to a church and not receive ordination.  These people were not bad people, it just appears that the Spirit was moving in a different direction.

This is NOT an exact science.  Just s each fish in a school of fish may not know why it is doing what it is doing, the group effect is quite impressive.  We may not be privy to the whole plan but we need to be willing to do what we can and be in contact with the community. The community affects our behavior and we affect the behavior of the community.

What Is Happening

Well, I am home alone on a Sunday afternoon. This is kind of a rarity for me. Usually, I am accompanying Nick as we travel  up to his congregation and then back home afterward.  I was feeling tired and decided to stay home.

Tired is feeling that I seem to be getting too used to.  We have lost one-third of the work staff at BUX, and this happened right before Christmas.  We now have four people to staff the place, 13 hours per day, seven days per week.  I had been trying to get LESS hours but now I am back up to 40 hours per week.  We also do not have a learning coach.  This was supposed to be remedied back in August.  Now, we will have to train two people and we have a Lead Barista who likes the limelight.  Last time something like this happened, we ended up doing the training while the Lead got the extra pay for doing the training.  THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

I do know from a credible source the the Lead has been getting more sex in the past three weeks than he has had in his whole life.  I hope this will make the Lead easier to work with.  I do know that he has been in a better mood and less ego-centric.  That is a good thing.

Nick and I have started to take down the Christmas decorations.  I really don't feel like Christmas even happened.  Taking down the decorations is sad, but leaving them up is also rather sad.  Having them up reminds me that Christmas was a bust, but taking them down feels like we haven't even celebrated.

I am not sure how long I can keep going at this pace.  I already see things I do not like in myself.  I find myself getting snappy with my coworkers.  I had trouble focusing during church this morning.  I hate it when I cannot keep track of what has been happening.  I should be able to do a church service with my eyes closed, but now twice within the past two weeks I just drew a complete blank.  (How embarrassing!)

I need to get some things done here.  I need to finish Nick's Christmas present.  I told him that I would rather give him his present late as opposed to giving him a piece of crap.  (Unless I were to give him a Mr. Hankie!)  So I have some things I need to do.

I am also a bit frustrated.  My computer is about to die.  I have had it for almost 10 years.  I need it (well, I guess I don't NEED it, but it makes my life a whole lot easier!) for sermon writing.  I cannot even afford a netbook.  I also know that my congregation could not afford to buy me a computer.

I so hope a full-time call comes through soon.  I am not sure how long I can keep going.

Home By a Different Route

Matthew 2:1-12

I think one of the problems that we, those of us who are life long Christians, have is that we tend to approach the various Bible stories in an “I already know that story” manner.  I know I have mentioned this before.  And, yep!  This Sunday we have another of those stories that we can just gloss over if we are not careful.

We know the story:  Wise men see star.  Wise men bring totally impractical gifts.  Wise men go home never to be heard from again.  Now if we want to get a little deeper into the story, we may bring up the idea that we are not really sure who the three wise men were or if there was even three of them.  We also may bring up the fact the wise men did not return to tell Herod that they found had in fact found the baby nor where the baby was.

We know these things, but what do we learn from the whole thing, the whole story?  Really, with that understanding of the arrival of the magi, all we get is a few more figurines to place in the nativity scene.  But with this understanding of the story of the magi, we don’t find the life-changing message that we should expect from the Good News of Christ’s birth.  I suggest we take the story apart and look at the characters and see what we can learn and how we might possibly be able to apply what we learn to our lives.  I suggest we look at how the good news of Christ’s birth and see how we can make those life-changing transformations that could be a New Year’s Resolution that we actually look forward to fulfilling!

One of the first people we should look at in this story is King Herod.  You know, he really doesn’t get a whole lot of thought when we think about the story of the Magi.  He is often seen as just a stumbling block in the Magi’s journey.  But we can learn some things from him.  As the Magi approach the region where the star seems to be leading them, they stop to speak to King Herod and to ask where they might find this one whom they seek. 

Herod’s reaction to their question is one of anger and angst.  He feels threatened – this baby is destined to become King?!  What does that do to Herod’s position?  He is fearful of losing his position of influence and power.  What’s more, he reacts in anger to the thought of being unseated, not by the army of a rival, but by a baby!  Not only is he angry that he is about to be unseated, but he is also angry that this news was brought by a bunch of foreigners!  Why was he – The King – not kept informed of potential threats against his kingdom?  Why didn’t he know about this threat long before?  If what the Magi say is correct, then Herod know that things are going to get quit difficult for him.  And you can bet, he is angry!

How many people do we know today react to the news of Christ with anger or worry?  Those who truly believe that Christ is “God with us” often worry that their actions of the past or present will be brought into the light and that they will be punished.  They believe that Christ is God, but do not believe that the gift that Christ brings is the gift of forgiveness. 

There are others who react in anger at the very hint that there might be one in their midst who is more important than they are.  We tend to live in an age where position and power seem to be everything, and for a lot of folks, having either of those threatened draws the same kind of response as that of Herod.  A lot of people do not want to hear about Jesus.  They don’t want to hear because hearing and receiving good news would mean that they might have to change, have to give up some of their “self”, and recognize the presence and grace of Christ in others.

But Herod is not the only character in the story.  When Herod receives the Magi and is questioned about the birth, he calls in the chief priests and other religious leaders to ask them what this is all about.  It is interesting to note that the chief priests seem to have an immediate answer.  The priests are aware of the prophecies, but they appear to be apathetic to the possible fulfillment of those prophecies.  The priests should have been on the forefront, they should have been watching for the one the prophecies spoke.  The priests should have been the ones rejoicing at the possibility that, after waiting for centuries, the prophecies might finally be fulfilled. 

Of course, if this prophecy were fulfilled, that would take away their authority over the religious lives of the people.  They were very happy with the way things were and didn’t want it to change.  They were respected, listened to, consulted by the king, and wielded immense authority and power.  They had all they wanted.  Why mess with that?  Why let it be known that they did not have as much power as the people though?

Believers, and the church, have recognized and claimed the incarnation of God and all that accompanies that recognition.  Yet, sadly there is much apathy in the church – news that should be met with true life changing joy and that should be proclaimed from the rooftops is often locked away Monday through Saturday.  For too many, the public proclamation of faith in Christ would upset the status quo.  Our positions and priorities would be threatened.  The world, sadly, meets the good news of Emmanuel, God with us, with the same apathy that the priests showed 2000 years ago.

So, we have seen that the people who should have rejoiced the most met the events with anger, angst, and apathy.  But now we come to the Magi.  These strangers from far off lands came seeking something.  Very possibly they weren’t even sure why they were there other than for sheer curiosity.  Yet, they followed that star and when they neared the end of their journey, they sought help.  Then they went on to Bethlehem and there they came into the very presence of God – they met this event with awe and adoration.  They brought gifts; they knelt in reverence.  Their lives were changed in that very moment. 

How did the Christmas event affect these wise and learned visitors?  I always find it interesting that the angel warned them to return to their land by a different route or as some translations put it, “in a different way.”  We immediately assume that this change was for their physical route because of the threats of Herod, but what if there is something more to it?  Could it be that their encounter with the Christ CHANGED the direction of their lives?  Once they encountered God, face to face, their lives were never the same.  Once they were able to see the one who was foretold, they were not able to return to their old ways.

How does Christmas and our encounter with the living Christ, affect our lives?  Do we meet him with the anger and angst of Herod?  Do we meet him with the apathy of the chief priests?  Or do we meet him with the awe and adoration of the Magi?  Are our lives changed by our encounter with Emmanuel? 

You know, we never hear of these visitors again, but I cannot believe that they simply fell off the face of the earth or that they remained silent.  I believe that they returned to their lands and told the story of their journey and told of the encounter they had with the Christ Child.  I believe that the transformation that took place in their lives as a result of their encounter with God was evident as they continued their lives.  I believe they told the story with joy, knowing that the truth they witnessed was greater than any story fabricated by the world.

We are coming to the end of the Christmas season.  Soon, the “Welcome Home” bulletin board will be coming down.  If you were paying attention, you will have noticed that we had moved from the small church in the field, through Christ being born, and finally to the magi arriving to give their praises.  But just because the board is coming down, that does not mean that the welcome has ended.  Actually, the opposite is true, the welcome has just begun!

Just as the magi went home by a different route, I hope our encounter with incarnate Christ will send us out into a world in a new and exciting way.  I pray that we look to spread the message of “Welcome” to those whom we may not have initially considered.  The magi did not return to Herod nor to the chief priests, they returned to their home.  They did not go to the ones who had already heard the message and rejected it; they went to those who needed to hear the message.  They were told to go out and spread the message to those who needed to feel the love of Christ.

We have been welcomed home through Christ, but now it is our time to spread that same welcome to others.  It is time to reach out to the ones who may not quickly come to mind.  Our encounter with the living Christ will lead us to New Year’s Resolutions that can only boggle our mind!  The magi didn’t know what they would encounter, and neither do we, but if we are willing to reach out, go a new way, follow a star in the east, I can guarantee, we will not be disappointed.

Christmas Recap

Christmas was interesting this year.  I truly was not looking forward to it in any manner, shape, or form.  I was just looking for ways to get it over.  I did not want to do anything and just wanted to stay home and veg.  Well, I guess it is just such times that surprises occur!

The week before Christmas totally sucked.  I usually don't like to use that term but it is pretty applicable here.  We were working, quite possibly the most busy week of the year, short handed.  And, of course, the customers were idiots.  Some day I will have to post about that, but not now.

The Christmas sermon was a rerun, not that I didn't try to write something.  But after dealing with the wonderful crowds and the early hours at work, I didn't have anything  left to give.

The Christmas Eve service went well.  Nick played the prelude.  We had a member play the flute.  And we had some teens from the congregation playing the guitar.  It was nice.  I felt kind of lost in the whirlwind, but I guess I need to be thankful for people who can pick up the ball and run with it!

Christmas Day involved going to NIck's  sister's house.  Again, I really didn't want to go but had a good time!  How could you not have a good time when you leave with a pooping reindeer and one of the activities involved a reindeer race??  :-)

Unfortunately, I had to open at work the next day, so it was up and at 'em at 4 am on Saturday.  What is getting sad is I forgot to set my alarm and I was still up before it was to go off.  Work was a bit much as I had to open the store from scratch, but I got it done.  Also, the people were nice on Saturday morning.

I was exhausted the rest of Saturday and decided to rerun another sermon.  Not a good sermon, but it was a sermon just the same.  (I really hate not having the time to write a proper sermon.)

Sunday was busy as always with church in the morning at my congregation and church in the afternoon at Nick's congregation.  The drive is getting really old though.  And it was snowing on the way home.  It was pretty, but made driving dicey. 

Now, it is time for work.  Thirty-eight hours in all.  I will try to not get tired and disillusioned. 

If you are the praying type, pray for some breaks on the job front!

Thanks!

In The Beginning

Christmas 1            John 1:1-14            December 27, 2009            The Rev. Benton Quest

“In the beginning was the Word.”

In the beginning was Jesus.  Before anything was, Jesus was with the Father.

When I think about these words in John, I am always bowled over by their magnitude.  “The Word was with God and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through him and without him not one thing come into being.”  The reading starts with this image of Jesus as the creator of the universe.  We start with Jesus as beyond comprehension.

But then we shift our focus from the universal to a little tiny baby.  This baby, this little tiny baby that we find in the manger is the Word John was speaking about.  This vulnerable little person is the one who was with God in the beginning and through whom all things came into being.  A vulnerable baby, weak and newborn.  A vulnerable baby, susceptible to the damp and chill.  A vulnerable baby; but also the creator of the universe.

I find it telling that Jesus came to us in the form of a baby.  We would have expected Jesus to come to us in a form that displays his power and might.  We would have expected Jesus to come to us in a form that would put fear into our hearts and cause us to run in fear.  We would expect Jesus to come in a way that would let us know, once and for all, who was God around here.  But that is not how he arrived in the world.  When Jesus came into the world, he came as a small, vulnerable, baby.

But why come as a baby?  Why not come as a great warrior?  Isn’t that what we would like?  We want our messiah to be one who is strong and mighty, don’t we?  This is also what the Jewish people of Biblical times were looking for.  They were expecting a strong warrior to come and take over.  They were expecting a warrior to crush their foe.  But Jesus didn’t come as a strong warrior; Jesus came as a small, vulnerable baby.

If Jesus had come as a strong warrior, it would have said the wrong thing to the world.  The strong warrior would have told the world that they had better believe – or else.  If the people didn’t believe, they would be crushed by this great warrior.  If they didn’t believe, then they would be forced to at least act like they believed.

But let’s think about it: Is faith by force really faith at all?  If we profess something because we are afraid not to profess it, are we really invested in the profession?  For example, if we tell the school-yard bully that he is the greatest to avoid getting punched in the mouth, do we really believe the bully is the greatest?  Obviously not.  Well, in a similar vein, if we only come to belief to avoid getting attacked by the strong warrior, then that would be a rather shallow belief, indeed.

We see this interplay between the strong warrior and the vulnerable warrior all throughout history.  Throughout history, the dictators and czars would rule by fear and intimidation.  Those who follow these rulers do not do it because they care about them and love them.  No, people who follow dictators and czars do so because they are afraid of being killed or tortured.  Now the followers of kind and gentile rulers are loyal because they love, care and respect the ruler.  The followers remain true to these rulers because these rulers instill love over fear.

Now we should not think of this vulnerable warrior as weak.  Actually, quite the opposite is true.  This warrior can appear vulnerable because this warrior does not doubt his strength.  He does not need to make a show of force to get others to believe.  The vulnerable warrior can be humble because he knows the battle has already been won.

Jesus could give his life in our place because he had a deeper understand than that found in the world.  As Jesus was with God when all that is was created, he knew the deeper truth that was not apparent to the world.   Jesus, as the second person of the trinity, knew that death could not overcome him.  The son knew that although he may appear defeated, that he would in fact emerge victorious.

In coming to us as a vulnerable child, Jesus is in effect telling us to relax.  We can relax because the end is already assured.  We can relax because our warrior, our savior, knows he will succeed.  We can relax because even though it may look like they have destroyed our savior, there is a deeper understanding at work.

It may seem odd to talk about Jesus dying here on Christmas.  We are supposed to be talking about the wonder of the babe in Bethlehem.  But Jesus’ birth at Christmas points us to Easter.  If Jesus did not die for our sins, then why should he come?  We have plenty of teachers who could teach us how to be “good people.”  We have leaders of faith traditions that could teach us how to be moral.  People have created gods that could scare us into submission.  Even Santa is used to scare children into submission.  But it is through Jesus’ death and resurrection that we find our life.  It is through Jesus submitting to the ultimate humiliation that we see and reap the benefits of his ultimate strength.  It is because Jesus came to live among us, or as another translation of the Greek would put it, pitched his tent among us, that we can reap the benefit of his strength.

Jesus came to be among us.  Jesus was born into our world.  Jesus came as a vulnerable baby to help us to realize the ultimate power he has.  Jesus submitted to the ultimate humiliation to bring us to the fullness of life.

This is the life we celebrate as Christians.  This is the life that we honor.  This is the life we look to as our loving protector and friend.  This is the life we lift up, not because we are afraid, but lift up because we are loved. 

In the beginning was the Word.

In the beginning was Jesus.  Before anything was, Jesus was with the Father.  Before anything was, our redemption was secure.  This is what we celebrate during Christmas and what we celebrate everyday!

Let The Shopping Begin!

Hurry! There are only 363 shopping days left before Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my blogger buddies! No time to write much because I have to open at BUX tomorrow and need to get to bed.

Best wishes and blessings!

Christmas Sermon

Christmas Eve 2009        Luke 2:1-20           Fr. Benton Quest

Well, I really can’t explain it.  We were out with our sheep, like usual.  I was a little tired but I knew I couldn’t fall asleep.  Those wolves are just waiting for that moment when you aren’t paying attention to come in an take a sheep.  But I wasn’t going to let that happen. 

I know what people say about us shepherds.  They think we are lazy because all we do is lay around our fields.  And they think we are thieves, ready to steal a sheep when no one is looking.  Then after we steal the sheep, we blame it on a wolf.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.  I work hard and I pride myself on closely watching my master’s sheep.  Those people in the village don’t know what they are talking about . . .

Oh, now where was I?  Oh yeah, I was out in the field.  Some of us shepherds brought our flocks together so we could take turns sleeping while others were watching.  Well, while I was watching, suddenly the strangest thing happened.  In the midst of the darkness, I saw a light.  As I watched, this light began to get brighter and brighter.  I looked to see if it was someone coming up the hill with a lamp, but I couldn’t see anyone.

I woke up my buddy to show him the light and see what he thought.  He looked and was scared.  He said it was a demon light and that we needed to wake the others and get the sheep to safety. 

As he started waking the other shepherds, the light continued to get brighter.  What was weird was that when we looked for the source of the light, we couldn’t find any.  We couldn’t see any torches or lamps.  Then the light got to be as bright as the sun.  It was like daylight.  The sheep were “baaing” but they were not running away.  They were just standing, huddled together.  I think those sheep were as scared as we were!  Besides, the light became so bright I had to shield my eyes.

Then I heard a voice.  When I looked to where the sound had come.  I saw the strangest thing.  It looked like a person but this person was dressed in shining clothes.  The light we were seeing was coming from the person!

        I’ll tell you, although I don’t like to admit it, I can’t think of anything scarier than that glowing person.

        Then the person, well person is the closest thing I can think of to call it, told us to look for a baby, wrapped in cloth, and lying in a manger.  That sounded strange.  Who would place a baby in a manger?  You know, a manger is where they put the animals’ food!  Then the next thing I knew, there were glowing people everywhere!  They were praising God, and saying “Glory to God in the Highest heaven, and on earth peace among those who he favors!”

        Then the glowing people left and we were again standing in the dark.  For a while we didn’t know what to do.  Then I said, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place which the Lord made known to us.”

        When we got to Bethlehem, we found the mother and father, just as the plowing person had told us.  We felt kind of weird, asking to see the baby.  We explained about the glowing people and about their message.  I though for sure we would have been accused of drinking too much wine.  But instead, the man asked us to come in.  We saw the little baby, wrapped in cloth and lying in a manger, just as we had been told.  And when I looked at the baby, he was looking back at me.  And when his eyes met mine, I felt, well, strange.  This was just a baby, but this was more than a baby.  The glowing people said this was the messiah, the Lord.  For ages we had been told of his coming.  Now he was here!

        Why wasn’t he born in a great castle?  Why wasn’t he born somewhere nice and warm?  Where were the kings and noblemen to worship him?  All that were here were the baby’s family and us shepherds.  I don’t understand.

        Yet, when I looked again on that little baby, I began to understand.  The glowing person said that the good news was for all people!  It wasn’t just for the rich and the powerful!  It just wasn’t for those respected by society!  It was for us!  For all of us!  It is for the ones left out of society!  It is for the ones kept out of polite society.  It is good news for all people! 

        The messiah is here!  You just have to look.  However, he is not where you would think he would be.  He is not up on high.  He is here, with us!  He is Emmanuel!  God with us!

        If I were you, I would run, as fast as I could, to find him.  And when you find him, look into his eyes.  You will not be disappointed.

I love Christians....

Yes, today I got yelled at by a customer because I wished her "Happy Holidays."   She sneered, "It's 'Merry Christmas'!"

I said that I was, first off, an Episcopalian Priest, and that I have friends who are Jewish, Muslim, and Wiccan.  Since I want to wish all my friends the best of the season, I tend to go with "Happy Holidays." 

She started to say something about Holidays and "Holy Days" and some other thing that made no sense.

So I just wished everyone a "good day" from then on. 

The love of Christ in action! 

Oh What Fun

Aaarrrggg!!!

Well, over the weekend, our crew at work went from six to four.  That is right!  Four people to work 13 hours per day/ seven days per week.  And we are never supposed to leave the place empty.  So that means that we need people to cover for breaks.  Oh, and did I forget to mention that NONE of our supervisors know what we do? 

I have been trying to REDUCE my hours, especially with Christmas coming.  But do you think that is going to happen?  And we also have the Lead Barista who talks more than he works, even thought he would have you believe that the place would close down without him.  My response when someone asks if the Lead is working is:  "He is on the clock and in the store."

I have been trying to get out of the place, but I am usually beat by the time I get off work.  But I have been checking out the deployment page and there is something that looks good upstate!  It would be nice in that it would be close to Nick's congregation too!  I am guardedly optimistic.  And no, I am not interested in the congregation just because it is logistically optimum.  They also seem like a good place for ministry.  Our lease here is up in April, my contact with my current congregation is up in July.  Sometimes time just flies!  Seems like we just moved and that I just signed a contact.  But hopefully god has some things in store for us.  We really need some things to finally go right!

Peace to all..

12-21 Not just a Pallindrome

Let's Put Saturn Back In Saturnalia!

The Holy Spirit of Christmases Yet to Come

Welcome Home!

Well, two weeks ago, we talked about Christmases of the Past.  Last week, we talked about Christmas Present.  Now, today, we are going to talk about The Holy Spirit of Christmases Yet to Come!  (I wish I had echo on this microphone!)

I don’t know why in the story, A Christmas Carol, this ghost, the Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come, is the ghost that Scrooge fears the most.  I guess it has something to do with all of Scrooge’s “chickens coming home to roost.”  All the things that he had done in the past, all the people he had used and abused, all of the consequences of these behaviors were suddenly made very clear to Scrooge.  And the sad thing was that Scrooge only really changed when he was able to see that all the wealth he had amassed was for nothing.  He only really changed when he was able to see and hear what the people really thought of him.  And then he only changed because he was scared of dying alone.

I would love to rewrite the story.  I would love to have the ghosts tell Scrooge about the real reason for Christmas.  Yes, we hear from the mouth of Tiny Tim, “God bless us, everyone,” but Scrooge does not really get the whole story of Christmas.  Scrooge only changes to save himself.  I guess that is not bad, but there definitely seems to be more.

I would have hoped that Scrooge would have learned that he was a wonderful person simply because he was a wonderful creation in Christ.  I would have hoped that Scrooge would have learned that even before he was conceived he was loved and cherished by God.  That the amassing of worldly possessions and the awe and fear he felt from those who were around him were only a distant second to the knowledge that God loved him.  But, unfortunately, Dickens does not elaborate on this point.

However, for us, Christmases Yet to Come are not something that we need to fear.  We are children of the promise, not children of the threat.  I would hope we know that we are God’s wonderful creations.  And we are the ones who have received the baptism of Spirit and Fire that John speaks of in the gospel.  We do not need to look to the future and see death and abandonment like Scrooge saw; we can look to the future and see the promise of love and forgiveness!  We may have chickens in our past that may be looking on coming home to roost, but, unlike Scrooge, we have the promise of love in Christ, not just aloneness and dispair.

But right here, right now, what is the Holy Spirit of Christmases Yet to Come saying to us?  How is the Spirit prodding us?  What has the Spirit placed upon our hearts?

I guess maybe I should first say something about the Spirit and how the Spirit the Spirit speaks to us.  If this is all old hat to you, then I apologize.  But when I speak of the Spirit, I am sometimes afraid that I may be misunderstood.  When I talk about the moving of the Holy Spirit, I am talking about the thoughts, the desires, and the urgings that we feel in our lives.  You may feel the urge to go over and help someone who seems to be in trouble.  It might just seem like your own idea, but it may also be the working of the Holy Spirit.  You may feel like this is just your own idea, but I also believe that it could be the Spirit at work.

With small things like helping people, going with what you are feeling is one thing, but what about the bigger things?  How do we tell if the bigger things in life are our own ideas or have been put on our heart by the Spirit?  That is a much more difficult task.  Unfortunately, it is often difficult to know what is of God and what are our own wishes.

It is when we are trying to discern the leading of the Spirit that we really need to be part of a community of faith.  When we come together as a community of faith, we are able to help each other discern the way the Spirit might be moving.  We are able to discern how the Spirit is moving us as individuals and for us as a community.  When we come together as a community of faith, we are able to help, guide, and support each other.

So, as God’s wonderful creations, as people baptized into the promises and wonders of God, we can look toward this Christmas and Christmases yet to come with anticipation and excitement!  We can look forward to a world where God not only is there for us, but is there to help lead and guide us.  When we look toward this Christmas and Christmases Yet to Come, we need feel no fear, we can rest assured that when we reach out in faith, we can accomplish what God has set before us.

Scrooge changed out of fear, but God asks us to reach out to those around us out of the assurance that we are loved more than we can ever imagine.  God asks us to reach out, knowing that the one who baptizes with the Spirit and fire blesses us so that we may be a blessing to others.

Hopefully we see how God has been at work right here at St. Swithins’s and hopefully we can also have faith that God will continue to see us through.  No matter what we may feel, no matter what we may fear, we need to go out into the world in faith.  We need to remember that in this and all things, God is with us.  No matter what, we must rejoice in the Lord, always!

We are starting to near the day of Christmas.  We are approaching birth of the one foretold.  We are nearing the fulfillment of the promises of the ages.  Our God has been with us, our stronghold and our sure defense.  Our God has been with us through our past Christmases, and our God will continue to be with us through our Christmases Yet to Come.  As we approach Christmas, as we approach the manger, I pray that God removes our fear and fills our lives with peace and courage.