More whining...

I give a lot of credit to those of you who have stuck by and waded through all the whining and self-pity. I just find that in the course of one day, I can go from the heights of sunshine to the depths of gloom.

I wonder how this process compares to the Kubler-Ross model of grief? I now seem to find myself floundering between Anger and Depression. Bargaining doesn't seem to enter the picture. Actually, right now, I am really angry. I am angry that the world seems to have it's collective head up it's collective ($%&#()# and is not willing to take it out long enough to see the amount of pain and damage it is causing.

It is frustrating that those who claim to be loving seem to be anything but.

I so want to disappear right now.

Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

Music Artist: Tism Flash Artist: Bernard Derriman This was a flash video created in a music video contest for the song "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me" [a bit long of a name huh?...]

...If only his followers were more like him.

The title of this is part of a quote from Ghandi, "I like this Jesus, if only his followers were more like him."

How does love and forgiveness get twisted into judgment and hatred? I so often feel embarrassed to call myself a Christian because of what I see people do in the name of Christ. Jesus ate with the tax collectors, he didn't bang them over the head with the Torah. Jesus lived with the people who were down and out, he didn't just look upon them and say that they got what they deserved.

So many people claim to be Christian and then go out and act in totally unchristian ways.

Back to the Grind

Well, I came back to the office and got thrown into the currents of life. One person had died during the night, another was having a heart procedure, mid-week worship needs to be planned. And in the midst of all of this, my impending departure lurks in the background.

I keep putting off doing the paperwork for the Episcopal Church. I think I feel that if I put it off, I will not have to leave the Lutherans. But as I read The Lutheran (the magazine of the ELCA), I get the feeling that the Lutheran church is never going to change.

Will I ever find a denomination that I can be an adherent of? I am a universalist and that is not accepted by the Lutherans. But I could not love and follow a God that was not a universal God.

Sometimes I will just sit in my office and have to fight back the tears. I hear people say that the Lutherans are so accepting but I am proof that they are just as judgmental as all the others. It gets despressing.

Look what Nick got for me when got home last night. Got to love it! Roses and beer! He really knows the way into a guys heart! 

Home again, Home again, Jiggity jig.

Well, I am home. I didn't die in some flaming fireball of an airplane crash.

I am glad the gathering is over. But I am also glad that I have gone. In some ways, I think I may have gotten more out of the trip than the kids did. (Although this is a bit presumptuous.) I did get a lot out of it. I am sure I will be processing this for some time to come.

Now I am off to the process of ending my ministry where I am and looking to what is going to happen.

Going Home

Sometimes I get frustrated at the kids of today. Maybe I have forgotten what it is like to be a teen, but I don't think I have ever been so callous as to think that I don't have to try to help the poor. It makes me sad.

Have we created a generation that feels so entitled that they don't have to even try to make the life of others any better? Is the thinking, "As long as I am comfortable, who cares about what anyone else" going to be the mantra of our teens? Maybe it is just the kids that I have encountered.

I am definitely not sad to see this Gathering end. It has been a pain from the get go. I know God has moved in me and I hope God has planted seeds in the kids, but the whole thing could have ended about 4 days ago.

Actually, it could have ended a day sooner and I don't think anything would have been lost.

It will be good to be home. I am a bit leery of the flight but that is just me.

Hug someone you care for and help someone you see in need.

Ok, God, already!

If you have read any of this, you know that I will be leaving my call in about a month. I have to admit that it is bothering me. So I am here, in San Antonio, dealing with the National Youth Gathering. Almost all of the speakers are talking about letting go of what is comfortable and venturing out into the world that God has in store. Leave what is safe and travel into the adventure. Now I am feeling tears welling in my eyes and am anxious about what is going to happen when someone behind me puts a clothes pin on my shirt that says, "Peace, Jesus Loves You." Again, it was nothing big, but the timing was uncanny.

Well, things are getting better.

I was looking like the day was going to go down the tubes again, but then I decided to follow my own advice. I didn't try to change the people around me and just tried to love them as they were. It seems to have worked.

I have been seriously thinking about what will be happening in the future. I am getting more the feeling that I need to let go and let God. I keep looking at a future that seems uncertain. If it is going to be uncertain, I might as well go full force.

More to come...

Thought while in the shower

NO! Not that kind of thought!

What if we went through life appreciating people for who they were and not trying to change them?

Today, then Tomorrow, then Home.

Passive aggressiveness is interesting.

We are having a problem with walking. Not that we can't do it, it is that some people in our group walk at a different pace than others. It would seem that the ones who walk fast, walk faster so as to keep the slower ones at a "reasonable" pace. The ones who walk slow, walk slower to slow down the fast ones. In the end, what we end up with is two groups of people, each thinking the other is terrible because of how inconsiderate they are.

I should back up a bit for some information about the last post. The person I am with started off by telling me when I first got to the church I am serving that she did not vote to call me. Really makes someone want to be cooperative. Well, now whenever I do something, I immediately assume that she is looking down on me thinking how right she was. I know that this is my problem, but it flows over into other situations. In retrospect, I would have done things differently, but in retrospect, wouldn't most of us?

Today is off to the Alamo and maybe to the Tower of the Americas. Hope things go better. Although, after some sleep, yesterday was not all that bad.

Why do people expect us old routine-oriented people to do this silly stuff?

Oh well, it is for the kids, right?

Hell Continues

I don't know what it is with people.

Maybe people would say the same thing about me.

I am constantly confounded by the assumptions that we (yes, I will include myself in here) about other people and other peoples' motives.

We seem to always assume the worst of people. We seem to assume that people do things because they are mean, lazy, stupid, or obstinate. When we do something, we do it because we forget, are tired, are tense, or some other reason. We give ourselves the luxury of an excuse while we assume the other person is just an idiot.

Why do we have so much trouble extending to others the same luxury we give to ourselves? Why do we assume of others the same things we would not like others to assume of us?

It is just so much easier to assume that someone else is a jerk. But assuming that someone else is a jerk does nothing to help the situation. All it does is create hard feelings.

Enough of the philosophy part of it.

Don't ever take a group of kids to Texas with someone who thinks you are a lazy jerk. No matter what you do, it will never be ok. The filter the person has set up will always spin your actions in the least flattering way possible. When taking kids on trips, have another chaperone that at least thinks you are pretty good. It makes it so much better.

The thing is about half-over. If there is a God (and I believe there is)the rest of this thing will go better. If not, there better be a couple of stiff drinks waiting when I get home.

The Innermost Circle of Hell

Yes, I have found it, The Innermost circle of hell is in San Antonio. No offense to anyone out there who may be from San Antonio, the city is very nice. But there seems to be some kind of convergence of fate, karma, and luck that is hovering over the city just waiting to strike me dead!

Yesterday I just couldn't catch a break. As any will know who have read my blog, I am not a details kind of guy. My would is painted in broad strokes. IMO, big picture people should not be in charge of things that need attention to detail. Detail just kind of doesn't even make it onto my radar screen.

Case in point: Everything else is happening at the Alamodome, why wouldn't registration? And where did it say to bring a check? Everybody accepts credit cards now days. Having six hot kids and one "I told you so" adult waiting does not make for clear thinking.

But after that, we did make it to Schlitterbahn for a few (read 3) hours. Now what kind of park is it where there are two parts that are not connected? We didn't find the really good part until we had an hour left and then it was almost too late.

Also, one adult leader, along with about 3 kids, who wants to be at the mass events really early to be up close and one (me) who really hates large crowds and four kids who really don't want to be clapping along with everything. Maybe the death that I was dreading a couple of weeks back was not the death of crash and burn but the death of a fractured community.

We seem to have split along gender line. My way of functioning seems to work for the guys. They (not necessarily because they are guys) seem to be able to deal with the lassez-faire style that I use. The girls seem to be a bit more uptight.

Oh well, I keep telling people that this is the reason I don't volunteer to do stuff like this. But do they believe me?

The Gathering itself is not too bad. It was interesting to see thousands (like 20,000) kids together to praise Jesus. It was also interesting to see cell phones used instead of lighters during one of the performances of the bands.

It was good to hear the speaker to challenge our kids to move beyond the pursuit of money and strive for the things that are worth more. A couple of good groups too! There was on group, Superchic[k] that really impressed me.

Well, I talked to Nick last night, just to talk to him cheers me up. He is still healing from the ankle thing just before I left and I hope he gets better soon. I don't like to see him in pain.(ok, gooey stuff is done)

Well, the kids will be up soon and we are off on another day. Today, we will be taking a boat trip down the San Antonio river. Should be fun.

Peace

I made it!

Well, I am down in San Antonio. Haven't really seen much of the place since we got here at about 11:00 pm last night.

We are staying at this great little boutique hotel. Kind of Art Deco Hollywood Glam kind of place. I certainly couldn't afford it if I were to pay for it.

Today the whole festivities start but before the whole thing kicks off, we are going to Schlitterbahn. I am looking forward to it but I hope no one (including me!) gets sunburned.

The flight in was great. It was cool being able to watch fireworks from almost hundreds of communities at once. When I looked down from the plane, you could see bright flashes of light across the ground. In some of the bigger cities, there would be some really big fireworks. In the big cities, the pattern of the fireworks was even discernible from the air.

I think flying is just a "magical" thing. Not so much magical in the Disney sense of things but in the "this really shouldn't be happening" sense. We really shouldn't be a couple of miles above the ground. But it is so cool to be looking out over the land and the clouds.

I know that the lack of control is one of the things that bothers me when I am flying. I have to trust in the pilot. And when the brakes go out in the car, you can try to save yourself, if the brakes go out in the plane, well...

But enough thinking about that. I am here and it is going to be a good day!

Peace

Happy Fourth

Heading out for a few days with the kids from the church. I hope it all goes well. It is a great group of kids so I think we will have a good time.

We are flying so we will be doing the friendly skies thing. We won't get there until about 10:30 pm. I am hoping we will see some fireworks from the air. That would be cool.

With all the stuff going on in my life, leaving for a week was the last thing I really wanted to do, but life goes on even when we would like it to slow down.

I went back to show Nick the billboard from the Episcopalians. But when we drove by, the billboard was gone! Something else had been put up in its place. But a little while later, we say one that said, "My God is Peaceful." I needed to hear that as I am a little anxious about traveling.

I feel so sorry for my kitties, I think they know I am going again. Maybe they will lock me in so I can't go! Darn!

I guess I just have to "Let Go and Let God."

Nick and I went to a park yesterday, and I have found two deer ticks on me! Yuck! I hope that is all because deer ticks can carry Lime disease. I will have to keep a look out.

Hope your fourth is going well and give a hug to those you love.

Sunday Sunday

Hey! Church went well this morning. I think I did a pretty good job preaching. For those of you who are "Pew Jockeys", preaching is not easy. There is always the worry that I will say something totally heretical or will put everyone to sleep. And just because I find something interesting, will anyone else? But, I think it went well.

Then it is off to a surprise party and then off to Nick's. We might go out to a movie or something or maybe just stay home. I bought a bunch of meat from a guy out of the back of his truck. It felt kind of "reality show crime sting" but the meat is good. So we will probably have ribeyes for dinner. It is also cherry season so there is nothing (well almost nothing) better then fresh cherries!

Unfortunately, "The Bugman Cometh" so Nick needs to be there tomorrow morning. But after the bugman does his spraying, we will come back to my place on Monday. Maybe check out some fireworks (or make some of our own!) on Monday night.

Then it is off into the "wild blue yonder." I am becoming more relaxed with flying but I will feel better when I am on the ground next Sunday.

Don't know if I will get to post much next week. I will try to share some pictures.

Another Great Picture

Another great picture!

I am finding all these great pictures after Pride month. Bummer

Stolen from HBJock

Flying Dogs ARE Funny!

A little late for pride but still cool!

Wouldn't this be great! Stolen from Joel