Lent 2 A "Stop Confusing Us!"

Lent 2 A

After reading today’s gospel lesson, you just have to feel sorry for Nicodemus.  He just isn’t getting it, is he?  He is so close to understanding what is happening, but he is missing that little piece of faith that will help him figure it all out.  He is so close to understanding but he cannot let go of the world he sees around him long enough to grasp the world that can be.

Really, we should not be too hard on Nicodemus; we really can’t expect him to be right on top of things.  Christianity isn’t even a religion yet!  He doesn’t have the benefit of the New Testament to help him to understand.  All he has is what he has been taught in the past, all that the world has been telling him throughout his life, all that his colleagues expect of him, all of these thing.  Things he is familiar with and can understand.  But then there are these odd signs he has been seeing.  And try as he might, he can’t seem to make all the pieces fit together.  His teaching, his worldview, and his colleagues, all seemed to make sense.  But these signs, he can see them and they were presenting problems.

I can imagine poor Nicodemus, a Pharisee, a man of God, having a crisis of faith.  He knows what he learned as a child.  He knows what he was taught.  He believes with his whole heart the teachings of his past.  But things have changed.  Things are now different.  Things he had learned in his past no longer seem to fit.  This Jesus was giving signs that seemed to point to him being the messiah, the anointed one, but this Jesus is not acting very orthodox.  He cannot seem to make the situation into one that works with his world view.  Nicodemus would have liked to write Jesus off as just another of the street preachers of the time, but his conscience won’t let him do it.  He would like to disregard it, he may even had gotten a bit angry about all the things happening, not wanting to change; but the signs are just too strong to ignore.

So Nicodemus decides to go to the source (something we should all do) and speak with Jesus himself.  Now, in going, we cannot be too sure what Nicodemus expected.  Possibly he was expecting a rousing discussion and debate between two equals.  Perhaps he was looking for something to discredit this man he was about to see.  We do not know what he expected, but we do know that he was ashamed to be seen with Jesus.  We know this because he would only see Jesus at night.  Nicodemus would not go to Jesus in the day when people could see him.  But whatever he was expecting, I am sure Nicodemus was expecting some kind of respect for his status in society.  So Nicodemus was expecting a discussion between equals, but instead of a discussion between equals, Nicodemus gets much more than he bargained for.

Now the person that I do give credit to in this situation is Jesus.  The first thing Nicodemus does when he meets Jesus is he tries to flatter Jesus by proclaiming him a teacher who has come from God.  But we can assume that Jesus would have seen through the flattery by the sole fact that Nicodemus was ashamed to be seen with him.  Jesus would know that Nicodemus’s role in society would proclaim that Nicodemus was above Jesus but also because Nicodemus is coming to talk at night.  Remember, Nicodemus was a Pharisee, it would not look good for him to be seen associating with the street preachers. 

Now if I were Jesus, I would ask Nicodemus why, if he says I am from God, is he afraid to be seen with me?  If he truly believed I was from God he should be proud to be seen with me!  I would have booted him out of the door.  Good thing for Nicodemus I am not Jesus!

No, Jesus does not boot Nicodemus out the door.  Jesus takes the time to teach Nicodemus.  Nicodemus asks Jesus questions and Jesus answers them.  Now, I am also sure Nicodemus was expecting some straight forward answers to his questions, but that is not what he gets.  Fortunately for Nicodemus, Jesus does not give him the type of answers he is expecting.  Fortunately for Nicodemus, Jesus gives him answers that make him think.  In his response, Jesus is moving Nicodemus onto a different road, into a different way of thinking.  Jesus was moving Nicodemus from just looking at the superficial aspects but to move onto searching for what is deeper.

I believe Jesus answered Nicodemus in the way he did so as to engage Nicodemus.  Nicodemus was a man of thought, so if Jesus had just answered straight out, Nicodemus would have made a decision, judged this street preacher and that would have been the end of it all.  But Jesus gave Nicodemus a puzzle.  Jesus gave Nicodemus something to think about; something to get stuck in his head and make him a bit uncomfortable.  And it is this sort of frustration with the answers that plants the seed of faith.

Are we frustrated with life?  Are we feeling like we pray for answers but all we get are riddles?  Are we feeling like life just isn’t going the way it should and God is doing nothing to help?  This can be frustrating!  When we pray, we want answers.  We want Jesus to tell us what the signs mean so we can judge them and be on our way.  If we know what the signs mean, then we feel we can control them.  But so often Jesus will not give us the meaning we are looking for.  So often when we pray it feels like all we get in return is just a bunch of random mumbo-jumbo.  When we pray, we probably often feel a lot like Nicodemus must have felt.

But let’s not lose track of what really happened in this encounter between Jesus and Nicodemus.  Jesus didn’t give Nicodemus the answer because Jesus wanted Nicodemus to move in a new direction, Jesus wanted Nicodemus to travel down a new road.  Jesus wanted Nicodemus to stop and think about his life and to ponder the answers he did get from Jesus.  Jesus wanted to nudge Nicodemus out of his complacency and get him moving.

We know this method of Jesus’ did, in fact, work.  The next time we encounter Nicodemus in the Bible, it is day.  Nicodemus is now publicly defending Jesus when the Pharisees want to arrest him for speaking in the temple.  Nicodemus has gone from seeking Jesus in the night to defending him in the day.  That is quite a change.

The final time we hear of Nicodemus, he is helping to care for Jesus’ body after Jesus was crucified on the cross.  This was not just some social nicety.  Nicodemus was threatening his whole way of life by caring for Jesus.  He was giving up his position of power.  He was a Pharisee caring for an executed criminal.  Our friend has gone from seeking Jesus in the dark, to defending him in the light, to publicly honoring Jesus through ministering to the dead. 

We are not told whether Nicodemus and Jesus ever talked after this meeting in the dark.  All we know is that in allowing Nicodemus to struggle with the answers to the questions, his faith in Jesus grew immensely.  He went from worrying about himself to placing his life, or at least his livelihood, on the line for Jesus.

It is frustrating when it feels like our prayers are going unanswered.  It is difficult when it feels like all we get for our faith in God is some twisted riddle or convoluted pathway.  We get tired of God being hidden.  We may feel like Nicodemus and feel like we just want to know the answers.  Like Nicodemus gong to Jesus, we may feel that when we go to God in prayer that we are batting around ideas with an equal.  We may think we know the way of the world; we know what we have been taught.  We know what God should be doing.  But God often doesn’t seem to want to play by our rules.

What I wonder is, can we let the words of Jesus make us uncomfortable enough to deepen our faith?  Even if we don’t readily understand what is happening in our lives, can we trust God to lead us down a new road to a deeper faith?  Can we continue to be faithful even when things look dark?  Can we trust, knowing that in the end, the Lord of Light will reign victorious?  Can we use the dark times in our lives to strengthen us to proclaim Jesus in the light of day? 

Unlike Nicodemus, we have the Bible to help us.  We know the story and how it will end.  We know that God will reign supreme.  Christ will be Lord of all.  And even though we know this, we still become lost.  But we can rest assured.  Even though we may feel lost, even though we may not see the way, we know we can trust that where God is leading we can follow.

We, as a congregation are moving into places that are confusing.  We may not like the answers that we see before us.  But we are challenged to trust in God and struggle with the answers.  We are challenged to look beyond our own understanding and place our faith in Christ.  We are being prodded to travel down a new path, to where?  We don’t know.  But we can be assured that no matter where God leads us, Christ has already traveled there first.

The TV Meme

 Stole this from Cubby at Patently Queer who borrowed it from Hanuman Das over at Ashram at Pooh Corner.

Back in the Day — 5 TV Shows You Loved As A Kid
Vegas
The Brady Bunch
Lucas Tanner
Space: 1999

Johnny Quest (The old one!)

That’s Hot — 5 TV Characters You Would Do
Michael Weston (Burn Notice)
Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Jack Harkness (Torchwood)
David Tennant (Dr. Who)
Noah Wyle (ER)

“Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs” — 5 TV Theme Songs You Know (and Love) By Heart
The Flintstones (and the line is "Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet")
Gilligan's Island
The Brady Bunch
All In The Family
Maude

Meh — 5 “Hit” Shows You Never Could Get Into
90210
Lost
Dallas
Two and a Half Men
Mad Men

The Starting Line-Up — 5 Channels You Go To First When You Sit Down to Watch TV
LOGO
SyFy
Science
MSNBC
History

“That’s What She Said” — 5 Quotes That Still Resonate

Saturday Night Live
Chevy Chase: "Jane you ignorant slut."
Diff’rent Strokes
Arnold Jackson: "Whatchu talkin’ ’bout Willis?"
Alice
Flo: "Kiss my grits!"
Southpark
Many Characters: Oh my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!
The Simpsons
Homer: [to Bart] "I always knew you had personality. The doctor said it was hyperactivity, but I knew better." 

“Gimme More” — 5 Shows You Can Never Get Enough Of
Glee
Burn Notice
1000 Ways to Die
RuPaul's Drag Race
Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Congregational Meeting

Well, the congregation met and voted unanimously to close the congregation.  There was some discussion of how we could find ways to keep the congregation going, but in the end, it was decided that anything we could think of would only be a band-aid.  To truly make changes, we would need  much more money than we could raise.  So, sadly, the vote was taken and we will be closing.

The soonest we would be closing is three weeks from now.  The congregation wants to go until Easter, but that would be very difficult.  It would also be dragging out the process for a long time.  If I learned anything from the closing of Nick's congregation, it is that dragging out the closing process is not generally a good idea.  But the congregation is saying that is what they want to do.  We did not follow this train of thought too long, instead reminding people that it is quite an emotional vote and we will discuss closing dates after we receive more information from the Bishop's office.

News on Dad

Dad is doing much better!  He is supposed to get out of the hospital today.  Thanks all for prayers and well wishes.

Now for Something TOTALLY Different

Enough of the downer stuff.

I could look at Bradley Cooper all day.  He is gorgeous!

The Move Starts

We have the Christmas closet cleaned out and moved to the storage unit.  We have boxes everywhere.  We have some major furniture that needs to get moved.  (On a happy note, the furniture is PAID FOR!!  This is another of the things that was left from the last time I had church problems.)  We have about a month left before we have to leave, so we can take some time to get the stuff in storage.  But we do need to get some of the big pieces into storage so we can pack around them.

Hopefully, we will be able to have professional movers move it from storage to where ever.  But this is just a hope.  Right now, the work is going into closing the church here.  I will be meeting with the board on Saturday and with the congregation on Sunday.  Then we will be looking at Easter Sunday as our last worship service.

News on the family:  I have been in contact with my family, my father went into the hospital with an extremely low blood pressure.  I still am not over being pissed, but I will not let my pisstivity get in the way of dad's health. There will be plenty of time to deal with my siblings abandonment.

A Song For Today

A One-Hit Wonder!

Lent 1 A

I said on Ash Wednesday how I really didn’t like Ash Wednesday and how I really didn’t like Lent.  And having said that, I have continued to think about it.  I am a priest!  These things are part and parcel of what I do!  I should be looking forward to these events.  Yes, I like Easter and all the cheer and smiles and fun that comes with it, but I really don’t like having to go through Lent to get there.

While writing this, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just board a plane on Transfiguration Sunday and fly over all the nasty stuff of Lent right to Easter?”  It would be nice!  No Ash Wednesday, no Good Friday, no fasting, no repentance.  Just a quick jump from one happy event to another.  It sounds like it would be nice, but would that really be helpful to us? 

About seven years ago, I drove, alone, from Iowa to Spokane.  As you can imagine, it was a very long and a very tedious journey.  There were times while driving through Wyoming and Montana that I thought I was going to go totally crazy.  Mile after mile of road, and the only thing to keep me company was the radio and my own thoughts.  It was long and it was tiring, but it was not a totally bad thing.  Actually, there were some very interesting things that happened.  I met people who I probably would never have met.  I helped a homeless man get a step closer to finding his estranged son, and I even got to sit in a small town in Wyoming and chat with the locals as my flat got fixed.  (Having a Saturn with metric tires is NOT a good thing in rural Wyoming!)  But mostly, I had time to think, to pray, to contemplate what was going on in my life and to think about what I really wanted to do with my life.  Granted, I could have flown out there and had gotten to Spokane much faster, but taking the time to drive was really a very good thing.

Anymore, in life we like to avoid the difficult things.  I think this ability to avoid the difficult has made Lent even more tiresome.  We have so many things to help us avoid the unpleasantries of life, why should we have this 40-day stretch to remind us of them all again?  I think there is a temptation to just avoid all the nastiness of life and just focus on the good things.  But I think in doing that, in giving in to the temptation, we deprive ourselves of the possibility for some radical, life changing, events.

In our gospel reading for today, we have Jesus being tempted by the Devil in the wilderness.  Now, we need to remember what has happened to Jesus; he was out in the desert for 40-days, which is “Bible Speak” for a “Very Long Time.”  I am sure he was very hungry, very thirsty, and very tired.  Oh, and he was alone during this time.  My trip across Wyoming and Montana only took about a day and I was a bit crabby, imagine 40 days of this!

So, after being out in the wilderness for a Very Long Time, the Devil starts to tempt Jesus.  And the Devil is very crafty about how he goes about doing this.  The first thing that the Devil does is tempts Jesus with food.  (Seems logical.)  After food, the Devil tempts Jesus with power.  And finally, the Devil tempts Jesus with being able to show off just how much power Jesus actually does has.  These would be difficult temptations in and of themselves, but to be tempted with them after being in the wilderness for 40 days, well…  But Jesus does not give in; Jesus stands firm and emerges victorious.  Jesus goes through the wilderness and emerges, perhaps a bit worn, but successfully emerges at the end.  Jesus does not avoid the temptations and difficulties of life, but proceeds through them and is stronger for it.

Now, one of the easiest ways to disregard this whole wilderness event is to say, “Well, Jesus was the Son of God.  He knew he was the Son of God because he had just had it broadcast from the sky.  He really didn’t suffer that much.”  But that would be to disregard the fact that although Jesus was the Son of God, he was also fully human.  And I am sure that the fully human Jesus was sorely tempted to make a couple of loaves of bread for himself.  However, to have done that, to have given into the temptations, would have been to use the power Jesus had been given for the wrong purpose.  In traveling though the wilderness and fighting off temptation, Jesus, the Son, learned that he could, in fact, rely on God, the father, to care for his needs. 

If Jesus would have just taken a direct flight to the end of the story, I can’t help but wonder if Jesus wouldn’t have always had questions as to his ability to resist temptations when they would be present.  The human Jesus may have always wondered if he could do it.  But having gone through this testing and having emerged victorious, the human Jesus could have confidence not only in his own abilities, but also total confidence in the promise of God.

I am pretty sure Jesus would have like to avoid the whole roaming in the wilderness and avoid the whole being tempted by Devil thing, but it was these experiences that helped to prepare him for the other events in his life.  It was in passing through the difficult parts of the journey that gave Jesus the strength and courage to continue on the path the God had set out for him.

Our trip through Lent is very similar.  Granted, we probably won’t be wandering in the wilderness for a very long time.  And we probably will not have a face-to-face encounter with the Devil, but the disciplines we participate in during Lent give us the courage to trust in God and to trust in ourselves.  Avoiding the quick and simple ways to Easter helps us to truly understand the gifts we have been given in this life.  And sometimes when we take the way that is more difficult, we are gifted with something truly miraculous.  And then when we get to the final destination, it is that much more enjoyable.

When we skip right from Transfiguration to Easter, we are missing the work that goes into the journey.  We fail to appreciate the price that Jesus paid for our salvation.  When we make that jump, we experience what Dietrich Bonhoeffer would call “Cheap Grace:” The grace is given, but when we avoid the discipline, we really don’t know what to do with the grace.  Just like playing an instrument, if we don’t take time to practice, we are really never going to sound good.  Lent is one of those times that we set aside to practice our faith.

It is also appropriate that we are looking at the future of our congregation during Lent.  We can face our future honestly and humbly.  We can face our future as Christ faced his future; truly trusting in God.  During this time of Lent, we can look at our congregation, our whole lives, and our time together with the strength that comes from faith, but also with the trust that comes from knowing that even in this, God is in charge.

Yes, we can fly right to Easter and pretend that Lent never happened.  Yes, we can bypass the tough decisions and the tough realities.  Yes, the promise of Easter will still be there, even if we don’t go through the depths of Good Friday.  And yes, we can try to avoid the time in the wilderness, but we do it to our own detriment.  Jesus shows us the way of faith and the way to trust.  Jesus shows us and begs us to follow.  I may not like Lent, but I have come to appreciate the journey.  There may be faster ways to get to the end, but when we follow the way of Jesus, the gift we receive is so much richer.

Chapter 5: In which our hero loses his job

Well, not me, but Nick.  Yes, the temp job Nick has had for about 2 years had gone away.  I feel like the Fates are laughing.

Thankfully, we are not out on the streets, but we will not be interacting much (if at all) with my family.

Ok, enough of the depressing stuff!

Futzing in the Dark

How did life get to this point?  Am I really as big of a baby as my sister said I was?  Why should I associate with these people who only seem to cause me distress?  I know that cut-off is not a good thing, but is interaction with disrespect better?

When I wanted to share that Nick and I might get married due to the change in Iowa laws, did we find joy in my family?  No.  I was told, "You will kill Dad."  Not that Nick has never raised his voice to me, never struck me, never cheated on me, nor ever needed treatment for drug addiction.  No, my siblings' spouses, all of whom have fulfilled these criteria are met with open arms and lavish parties.  When I want to share my joy, I am told that I will kill Dad.

When my world is collapsing and I am losing all visible means of support.  When it looks like we will have to move and have to worry about paying bills.  When it looks like the only way to keep our heads above water is to spend a couple of months in my folks basement as Nick and I search for new calls, is this ok?  No, it will kill Dad.

My siblings are very fond of telling me that whatever I do, whether good or not so good, is going to kill Dad.  I have to wonder if "Going to kill Dad" is actually code for "We don't want you in our lives"?

There was no concern as to why we needed to move into mom and dad's basement, just that it was going to kill dad.  No thought that maybe a 46 year-old and a 62 year-old might not really relish the thought of living in the basement.  No help with possible other ideas.  Just the tirade of my lack of consideration and the "fact" that it will "kill dad."

So after being told by all three siblings on my voice mail that I am selfish and inconsiderate, I choose to tell them (not on voice mail) that I will be removing myself from their lives, I am called childish and that all I do is pop into their lives and then leave.  Do they not remember that I live about 400 miles away?  Am I supposed to move there so we can "bond?"

I guess it is good that one cannot wish oneself away.  Or maybe it would be a good thing.  IDK.  I do know that I am stronger than I had ever though because as soon as I feel like I am about to implode, something else seems to come along and up the ante.

Sorry about the rant, just seems like the head moves faster at night.

Tranfiguration

Transfiguration Year A

I don’t know if anyone famous said it, but if not, someone should:  To be human is to fear.  It makes sense.  We are fairly fragile critters.  We have lots of soft vulnerable parts and there are a lot of things out in the world that can hurt us.  We can be bit by a snake.  We can be crushed by rocks.  We can be stranded in the wilderness without food, water, or shelter.  There are lots of ways that our world can get to us.  Since we are so vulnerable, we have developed various ways of staying safe.  We build buildings.  We wear clothes.  We have ways of protecting ourselves.  We gather together in communities as a means of staving off dangers and as a means of staving off our fear.  Our fear keeps us alive, really, so fearing is not necessarily a bad thing.  Actually, having no fear at all is a great way to die early.  So, yes, to be human is to fear.

But the ironic thing is that while fear can keep us alive, fear can also kill us.  If we are so afraid of the world that we never go out, we will starve to death.  If we are so afraid of others that we never interact, we will we will slowly die until we are just a shell of a person.  If we fear being expelled from the group, we will sink to the lowest level of the chain and eventually be trampled.

So fear can keep us alive but also fear can lead to a life that is not worth living.  It is the balance of fear to living in our lives that make our lives fulfilling.  It is having a healthy amount of fear but not too much fear that keeps us not only alive, but living and thriving.  It is this level of life that Christ is calling us to.

Again, this week, we hear Jesus telling his disciples to not be afraid.  The disciples had just experienced something that was totally beyond their understanding.  Let’s face it; it is beyond our understanding, too!  The disciples had just seen Jesus become blindingly bright and was surrounded by Moses and Elijah.  Then they had heard a loud voice proclaiming Jesus as the Son of God.  Some pretty frightening stuff if you ask me!  But when the disciples become overly afraid, Jesus gave them the words of assurance, “Get up and do not be afraid.”  This was not a rebuke but the loving words of one who cared.  Jesus was reassuring the disciples that as long as Jesus was present, they would be kept safe.  Even when things looked scary, the Shepherd was they to keep the sheep safe.

We have been having some frightening conversations lately.  We have been stepping out into scary territory.  And I will say that many of my first responses are to be afraid.  I am scared about what is going to happen here at St. Swithin’s.  I am afraid of what is going to happen to the people here.  I am afraid of what is going to happen to Nick and me.  The road ahead of us is anything but obvious.  And it is this lack of clarity that often leads to fear.  But it is in this time of fear that we need to most remember that Jesus tells us to “Get up and do not be afraid.”

We may wonder why this whole Transfiguration thing had to happen.  Why did Jesus have to change?  It obviously was not for Jesus sake, but for the sake of the disciples.  This happened so the disciples could know that the one they called “Teacher” was not just a huckster of a teacher, which were very prevalent in Biblical times, but was a teacher in the tradition of Moses and Elijah.  Jesus wanted to show the disciples that even in the midst of the strange happening of their time, Jesus would see the disciples through, also.  Moses and Elijah were great and revered teachers in Jewish tradition, and for them to stand beside Jesus, in a very concrete manner, shows that the teaching of Jesus is in line with the teachers of the past.  The disciples can look to how God had worked in the past and trust that even though they may fear, Jesus would not abandon them.

But also, the event of the Transfiguration leads beyond a tendency to look back and can only be fully understood by looking forward.  The disciples would not have understood the significance of what they were experiencing because they had not as yet experienced the resurrection.  They had not experienced the Glorified Christ in their midst.

We have the luxury of time to see the hand of God at work throughout all of this.  Epiphany starts with the story of Christ’s baptism and God’s words, “This is my Son, my Beloved.  Listen to him.”  Now again, at the end of Epiphany, we hear these same words, but in a different context, the context of Jesus going toward his eventual crucifixion.  But we are to lean on the promises and listen to thing one, this Son of God.  And finally we can see how the Christ’s glowing face and clothing points us toward the resurrection.  We are pointed toward the resurrection where even death will be destroyed and fear can be finally released.

Jesus, in his glorified state, walks up to the frightened disciples and raises them up and tells them not to be afraid.  It is as if the teaching of Moses and Elijah are rolled up into the glorified Christ and promises of history brought together in the Son of God.  And it is in the Glorified Christ that the disciples are told not to fear.

We are the children of the resurrection.  We have the promises of the Glorified and Risen Christ.  The promises that were made to the Jews are rolled up into the Glorified Son and have been handed down to us.  It is with this whole background that Christ then reaches down and touches each of us and tells us to “Get up and do not be afraid.”

Just like the disciples, we may not know what all this means or where it is leading, but we are told to have faith, to not be afraid, and to believe.  When we look to the Glorified Christ, not only do we see the love and forgiveness, but we also see Moses and God leading them through the desert and God giving the people the law by which to live.  When we look at the Glorified Christ, not only do we see our Good Shepherd, but we also Elijah and the prophets speaking the truth to the people, even though the people may not have wanted to hear.  We see in our Savior, the teachings of the past, but also the promises of the future.

As we venture forth, this is the image to hold near.  We may want to hide in fear, but Christ tells us not to fear.  No matter what lies in store, we can step out in faith, knowing that through the risen Christ and the Holy Spirit, we are not alone.  We may be overwhelmed by what we see around us, but we are not left to parish; the God of our ancestors and the God of our future is still here.  It may not feel like it at times, but all we need to do is look to the Glorified Christ to show us our way.

Chapter 4 in which our heros find aid from a friend

Thanks to wonderous friends, we have a place to move to for at least a couple of months.  It is only a stop gap, but at least we will not be living on the streets.

Chapter 3 in which we find our hero homeless

It had been said that God gave us families so that we could learn to deal with people we don't like.

Although my Mom said we could live in the basement, my sister has decided that for us to move into their basement would kill my father.  My brother agrees.  Now granted, my father is going to be 90 but if you remember, the concept of Nick and I getting married was going to kill my father.  Not that my sister and her boyfriend didn't live in the basement in years past.  Not that my brother has not taken loans and pirated cable from my parents.  Not that anything that I am asking pales in comparason to what they have asked.  No, I am going to kill dad.

Now, of course, we cannot go there because if anything were to happen to Dad, it will be my fault.  I know that break-off is not a good family dynamic, but I am so tired of anything that I will do being the impetus that will kill Dad.  Yes, he worries, but he worries at 6 am whether the sun will rise or not.

This really sucks.

The Dreaded Late-Night Post

It is raining outside, I guess that is appropriate.

It looks like we are going to be moving in with my parents.  Yes, at 46 and 62, we are going to be living in my parents basement.

I am so angry.  I feel betrayed.  I feel shafted.  I don't want to move again.  I don't want to go through all the shit I went through 4 years ago.  I am finally getting my credit repaired and getting my credit rating back up to something respectable.  And this is not my fault!  I feel horrible.

I know Nick is getting sick of moving.  And I am sure he is just loving the idea of moving in with my parents.  I know the why questions are totally unproductive, but WHY?

I know, God will work through this too, but there comes a time when the narrative begins to wear thin.  When it seems that everything in your life breaks when you touch it, you have to wonder:  Is the world that fragile, or are you that big of a klutz?

Sorry about the pity party, but honestly, there has got to be a point where it is realized that the common denominator to all that is happening is me.  Do I bring this stuff on myself?

Ok, I want to get off the ride now...

Just heard from the Bishop's office, there is no severance.  There are no places here that I would be appropriate.  I will get a good review, but I have to go out and find that call!

So, after getting bashed, berated, slandered, and generally attacked, I get to put on a happy face and start asking for a job.  No severance, no unemployment.  "Thanks and didn't you have somewhere to go in the morning?"

If I had known this, I would have worn a cup.

Stress Levels and Other Things

Well, as of right now, I have no idea what is happening. 

Are we closing?  Probably.
When?  Elephino!
What am I going to do afterward?  Elephino!
Will we have to move?  Elephino!
Will we have to break our lease?  Elephino!
How are we going to pay bills?  ELEPHINO!

I think this  is time the when the pastor has to truly step forward, but it is also at this time when the pastor wants to just jump in the car and drive south.  I am so incredibly stressed at the moment that I can barely function.  I don't know what is happening both in the church and in my life.  Depending upon what is happening in the church, our life could take some completely different turns.  I have been in this situation before, and I really don't like it.  The congregation is losing their church but for Nick and me, our life is in a tailspin.  The concept of making any kind of plans feels like an exercise in futility.

I will be getting into contact with the Bishop's office, so hopefully there will be some answers.  But I just want to sleep until this is over.

Fateful Meeting

Well, we are still alive as a congregation.  We may be gone in a month, but as of now we are still here.

The meeting was a whole lot of fun.  The one council member who decided to dog me when I was gone decided to come to the meeting.  But this was only because another council member asked her.  She would not respond to any of my notes, calls, or e-mails.  Even when confronted with her behavior, she would not say anything.  Then she was told that the Bishop had removed her from the council.  Another council member wanted to tell the congregation that she quit.  The assistant to the Bishop said, "No, she was removed from the council.  If she wanted to quit, she had plenty of opportunity."  When she came to the meeting, I asked if she would come into my meeting so we could talk, and she would not.  If finally took the Assistant to the Bishop almost lifting her up to make her go to the office.  When she found out she was not going to get the "quit" out, she walked out of my office and out of the church.  She sent through the other council member that she had also quit the congregation. I am sure in her mind I did all the wrong things and that I should not have called her or her friends on their behavior.

We finally got the meeting going.  We talked about what we did well and what we needed help with.  The favorite thing was the "Family Atmosphere" but their least favorite thing is the decreasing/aging population.  So if we don't want new people, how are we supposed to grow?

The big thing is that we have enough money to keep the doors open for about 30 days.  We shall see.

The Assistant had mentioned something about training me for interim ministry.  This might be a good thing.  I think I could do it.  It is one thing going into a troubled congregation knowing there is trouble and knowing you are going to be there for a limited amount of time.  When you come in expecting to stay for a while, there is a whole different way of approaching things.  The Assistant said that no matter what happens, this is not my fault and that I have done the best I could.

We shall see what happens.

And, yes, I am VERY tired.

Epiphany 8 A Where are your priority?

When looking at the situation our congregation currently finds itself, the first thing that I wanted to yell was, “WE NEED MONEY!  HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIND THE MONEY?”  I am sure many of you out there probably are in the same situation.  Truthfully, our situation looks dire and if we want to do anything, we DO need to take care of this financial shortfall.  This was where my head was, and this was the type of message I was pulling together.  I was all ready to approach our financial situation head on and grab that bull by the horns.  I was ready to hit everyone over the head with the checking account balance and say, “So what are we going to do about this?”  But then I saw the gospel reading for today.  We are to trust in God; we are to serve God, not money.  How am I supposed to preach on that?  WE HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS!  But with some guidance from a wonderfully insightful Canon to the Ordinary, I began to see that I had it backwards and that we, as a congregation, seem to have it backwards too.  If we approach our situation from a purely financial viewpoint, if we just focus on how we can make money, we are indeed trying to serve wealth and not God.  But God does not want us to be focusing on money, God wants us to be focusing on God.  And it is in bringing our focus back to God that we can find our way out of the valley we seem to be currently stuck in.

Our gospel reading for today would have us look at how we, as a community of faith, are serving God.  How are we showing the world that we are a community who is looking beyond itself to the greater truths we are taught in Christ.  Our vision is to be toward those ideals that Christ sets before us; feeding the hungry, tending to the sick; going out and making disciples.  That is what we are to aim for and where our energy is to be focused.  Once we have our focus set on God, then, and only then, are we to start focusing on other aspects, such as “how are we going to make this happen?”  Once we have our vision, it is then that we are to look for the practical tools to make the vision a reality.

You know I just got back from a vacation, so I am still thinking in a vacation mindset.  But when we go on a vacation do we just start saving money and then decide where we are going to go?  Generally not.  Usually we have a destination in mind and once we have our goal, then we start thinking about how we are going to finance this endeavor.  First we plan what we want to do, and then we look for ways to make this happen.  When we start out with the financial end of things, when we have a pool of money sitting there for “whatever,” it becomes too easy to just tap into it for “whatever.”  We need money to paint the building?  Just go to the piggy bank.  We want to buy a new instrument, just go to the piggy bank.  When we have the piggy bank sitting there, we can just keep taking money out of it for whatever reason.  And eventually we will find that the piggy bank is empty and we really don’t have anything to show for it.

But when we first focus on God and on serving God, we have goals for the money in the piggy bank.  Just as we are more likely to save money if we are planning a trip to Italy; we are more likely forgo lunch at McDonalds if we know that money will go for the Food Pantry.  We are more likely to find the financial resources we need when we see those resources being used for projects we have a passion for.  In our congregation, service to God and a passion for that service MUST come first.  If that passion is not there, then anything else we do WILL fall flat.  Without a passion for service, and without placing God as our priority, we will become a ghost.

Now when we turn our attention to God, we must also open our minds to what God wants us to know.  Short of a psychotic break, God is not usually talking to us in actual words.  God gives us our talents, our passions, and our desires, as a way of leading us to find our full potential.  God brings us together as a diverse people to give us the tools we need to spread the word.  God uses our “God Given Talents” to help us be about God’s work in the world.  When we pay attention to these gifts and passions, we each can bring our part to the working of God in the world.

But why do we have such difficulty with setting our sights on God’s will?  Why are we afraid to casting a vision?  Are we afraid of falling short?  Are we afraid of missing the target?  Are we just afraid, period?  Often when we look to the future, fear is an understandable emotion.  But what is the thing that the risen Christ was saying to his disciples?  That is right, “Do not be afraid.”  Quite often we fear when we turn our focus away from God.  We fear when we place other things in place of God.  But we are told to trust in God and not fear.  And we too are told to not fear by the risen Christ.

The prospect of change usually brings fear, but why?  What are we fearing?  Are we fearing being left alone?  Are we fearing God abandoning us?  Are we afraid that our plans may not be God’s plans?  Are we afraid of not being in control?  We fear and then we stop moving, stop acting.  We fear and we place blocks to the changes that are occurring.  We become afraid and we move away from trusting in God and begin to place our faith in our own limited vision.  That is a very easy thing to do, and a very human thing to do.

But Jesus asks us to move beyond the easy.  Jesus calls us to seek the righteousness of God and to trust that God will provide for our needs.  Jesus commands us to aim for the vision that the Holy Spirit has placed in us and trust that God will provide.  The risen Christ tells us to not be afraid and to seek God’s vision and then to step out in faith.

HOWEVER!

We have also been given reason.  Going back to the vacation example; we may want to go to Paris, France, but we may only have the money to go to Paris, TX.  Just because we cannot go to France, does that mean we don’t go on vacation at all?  No, we keep the dream of France and work toward what we can do.  We might not be able to afford a full out pipe organ, but does that mean we stop dreaming?  No, maybe a different keyboard.  Maybe we need to give everyone tambourines.  We look to God, we dream our dreams, and then we trust in God’s working in our lives.

I believe God still has a plan for us.  I believe God wants us to trust and to believe.  I believe God wants us to be a community of faith that can be a beacon of hope to others.  I believe this, and that is well and good.  The question is do you believe it?

10 Months but this should warm you up!

A Bit of a Rant (or something)

(A bit of the same old, same old.  If you are getting tired of it (as I am) move one, there is nothing to see here.)

Well, as I said, vacation was a great thing.  Unfortunately, we have to return to the real world.  So I am back in the real world and I am not so happy about that.

I know that searching for "happy" does not make one happy, but is it really a bad thing to want to be happy more than one is unhappy?

I got back to the church only to hear that one of the council members, the one that has missed the Annual Meeting and the council meeting before that, and is also a friend of the Former Secretary, was in church when I was not there and was maligning me when I could not defend myself.  Then, of course, she was not at the regularly scheduled council meeting.

At the meeting, we found out that we may be broke by April.  So we have a member of council having a snit while the church she supposedly "loves" is going down the tubes and she can't get over things enough to come and try to save it??  I am confused.

Maybe I get in my own way, but I have to stop and think:  Why does it seem that the places I get called to are in crisis?  I look and see that the common denominator is me.  I have to wonder if I am appropriate for this life-path.  I always feel like I just want to pitch the whole thing and do something else, but when I look for what else, I can't seem to find anything.

All modesty aside, I am a bright guy.  It just seems like I have painted myself into a career corner and now I cannot get out.  At this time in my life, I should be nicely ensconced in a thriving church and having a wonderful time.  That is all I want.  I want to have a great time with my congregation reveling in the love of God.  Why does it have to be so difficult.

Again, I have to wonder if every time I get into a church I get frustrated; is this what I should be doing?  I can do stained glass, sort of, but not enough to make a living at it.  We can not live off of Nick's earnings so I could go back to school.  (Again!)  But I am frustrated.

I just sit in the living room and sink deeper and deeper into despair.  Am I trying to force something that I should let go?  I hope I am not expecting too much from life.  I mean, I only get one shot at life, why can't it be more enjoyable?  Maybe I am just damaged like my father would tell me.  (That probably is more what is behind this.  But years of programming by my dad are not easily removed, if ever.)

I have already written one resignation letter to the congregation.  Even though I am on "Happy Pills," I still get to the point where I just want to run away from all of this and do something else.  It used to be hang out in the woods, now I can add "being a beach bum" to that list.

I keep thinking of the veterinarians who have to deal with animals who do not understand that the treatment is meant to help the animal.  The vet keeps working and loving the animal even though the animal is trying to bite.  I wish I could be that magnanimous.  I am tired of being bitten.

I read in a joke psychology journal an article about "Thanatos Therapy."  This is where you, the therapist, get so tired of hearing the patient whine about their life that you agree that life is not worth living just so the patient offs themselves.  I don't know if it is me that wants to off myself, or if I want my congregation to off itself so that I can move onto something that could be better.

Of course...

we gay people are pushing our sexuality into the face of the world...

Thoughts on Congregational Life

I know it probably seems like I court adversity.  Maybe I do need to have crises to feel alive, but I don't think so.  But with that being said, my congregation is facing another crisis and this could be fatal.

What I find so difficult is we have become a congregation of stagnation.  The youngest adult in the congregation is over 40.  We have four children who attend.  And the modal age must be somewhere in the 60's.  The congregation had been very active, but through things such as alcoholic priests, power struggles, and just following the path of least resistance, it has become tired and complacent.

It has lived off of money it had invested after selling the parsonage some years ago.  Now with the decline in the economy and the fixed income status of the members, that investment has been taking a harder and harder hit.  We are now hitting the account at the rate of $2000 per month just to pay our bills.  At this rate, we have about six months left.

I want to believe that God can work miracles, God brought forth the nation of Isreal through Abraham and Sarah, but when I look at the "Sea of Gray" in the congregation, I feel frustrated.  How can we be a thriving vibrant congregation when most of our people are not willing to drive at night and are ready to have "the younger people do it"?  The "younger people" are getting burnt-out and there was no concerted effort to evangelize.  Also, many people have left because of tension and strife in the congregation.

Change has started to happen, some of the "poison people" have moved on, but I think it might be too little too late.  The poison has started to dissipate.  But we need to make some big changes, fast!  I would like to say I am optimistic, but I would be lying.  I feel guilty that I cannot authentically say the congregation is going to live.

And with all the crap that happened earlier this year, I cannot say that I would be sad to be moving on to another location.

Epiphany 7 A Love Your Enemies

Somewhere along the way, someone told most of us something that will probably trip us up for the rest of our lives.  And just what was this “something?”  Well, it was the idea that being a Christian was something that would make our lives easier.  Somewhere we got the idea that the ways of Christianity were going to lead us to a life of leisure and ease.  If we just became Christian, we were going to have an easy life.  But what usually happens is that we find Christianity often makes our lives more difficult.  Our gospel reading for today gives us a view of how difficult being a Christian can really be.

The way the world would tell us to behave is to return evil for evil.  And actually, returning evil for evil is in the Bible!  In Leviticus and Deuteronomy we have laws of retribution.  We know these laws: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”  This seems to make some sense when we think about it; if you hurt me, I hurt you in equal measure.  If you take something from me, I take an equal amount from you.  Sounds logical.  And it is also a means of making sure that we do not over punish or under punishing someone.  It does make sense.  But as Gandhi would say, if we follow this law of an eye for an eye, all it does is leaves “everyone blind.”  Frankly, if we follow this law, it does not bring any kind of closure to a situation, all it does is makes the situation worse.

But this is the world we live in.  Even if we may not acknowledge it, we still do, on some level, feel entitled to equal justice.  Many people justify shop-lifting by saying that the companies have taken so much from us for so long that they owe us the candy bar we popped in our pocket.  Or that the frustration we cause another is justified because of how mean that person was to us.  We feel justified in cutting someone off in traffic because that person is being an aggressive driver, or we feel ok gossiping about another because we feel that person has wronged us.  So, although we may say that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” it is pretty well ingrained into our system that if we are wronged, we can wrong that person in return.

So how do we go about trying to live up to the standard Jesus has set for us in our gospel reading for today?  How do we make the change from “getting closure” (which in my opinion is just a nice way of saying “getting revenge”) to truly loving our enemy?  What practices or disciplines can we set up for ourselves to help us become the people Christ intended?

Christ tells us that we are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  Those can be very difficult things to do!  But if we stop to think it through, hopefully we can see this practice as a way that can help us through the troubles in our lives.

I think one of our big problems is that we get tangled up in what it means to “love.”  We just got over Valentine’s Day with all of its images of little cherubs shooting arrows and big lacy, frilly hearts.  We get movies that present love as this big warm-fuzzy that will bowl us over if we are not careful.  This is what is presented as “being in love” and this is what we often think of as love.  But for anyone who has been in a relationship for more than a few months, there will come times when leaving the toilet seat up will not be met with, “Aw, isn’t that cute?” but met with, “How often have I told the idiot not to do that?”  There will be times when the warm-fuzzy can feel like a cold-prickly.  But just because we are not feeling the warm-fuzzies, this does not mean that we do not love the person.  What it means is that we are frustrated with the behavior of the person. 

And so it is with our lives.  Just because we do not feel like we want to jump for joy every time we see the person does not mean that we do not love the person.  And in truth, we may not even LIKE the person but we can love the person.  Love means wishing for that other person what we would want for ourselves.  Love means seeing the world through that person’s eyes and helping that person to achieve their dreams just as we would like others to help us achieve our dreams.  Love is more than a feeling, it is something that we actively DO. The pop psychologist, John Bradshaw, would say that the emotions are exactly that e-motions; energy in motion.  So Love as an emotion is all about how we place our energy in motion, again, what we actively do.

One of the things that I love about our God is that God is really practical.  God knows that doing good things for people who are our persecutors is going to be difficult, and in some cases down-right impossible.  When someone seems to be actively hurting you, trying to act in a loving manner can test even the most saintly among us.  So Jesus gives us another option; Jesus tells us to pray for those who would persecute us.  I think we can all do that, can’t we?  Can’t we all pray for those whom we feel are opposing us?

Who knows what will happen if we pray.  When we pray for God to shine God’s light into the life of another, quite often that light will spill over onto us.  When we pray for God to lead that person to understanding, we are often also led to understanding ourselves.  When we pray that God changes THAT person, we are often given the tools to help THAT person see a new way.  And sometimes, when we pray that THAT person sees the light, we find that it is actually US who are fumbling around in the dark.  When we angry or frustrated with someone, prayer is the first thing we should do.  I know that there has been more times than I care to count where I have said something to a colleague and the colleague’s response was, “Have you prayed for them?”

Praying for the person whom we find angering, frustrating, or persecutive, is a wonderful way of moving ourselves out of the way and allowing God’s love to work in the situation.  Praying for those with whom we are troubled allows the Holy Spirit to enter our lives and show us ways to be a friend to that person.  Prayer allows us to “get into that person’s skin” and see life from their point of view.  It doesn’t necessarily give the person a free pass, but it often affords us a way of dealing with situations beyond the knee-jerk fashion to which we often get used.

I had been told that one of the best ways to settle something with someone you dislike is to sit down and eat with the person; it is hard to remain angry with someone when you are eating with them.  The same can be said for prayer:  It is hard to remain angry with someone when you are praying that God being blessing into their lives.

This is not easy to do.  But if you are looking for easy, then you need to join a country club.  God is asking more of us than the path of least resistance.  God is asking more of us than to just do what is easiest.  God is asking more of us but God is promising more too.  In the easy life of the country club, we may get exactly what we want, but we are paying for it too.  We pay through our cash, through our segregation, and through the  rules and mores that are present.  With God, more is asked of us, but we have the promise of love, forgiveness, and eternal life.  With God, we are wonderful because we were made that way, not because we have lots of cash.  With God, the world is something that we are drawn to; to explore, to share, and to love; not something that we hide away from.  With God, all are welcome, there is no gate keeping people out.

We are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  We are called to go the extra mile and to reach out to those who would attack us.  We are called to spread Christ’s love to those who need to feel this love.  We are called to move beyond our walls and become the church in the world.  We are called to be Christ in the world.

We will be having a meeting next Sunday after worship.  During this time, we will be discussing our eventual fate as a congregation.  We will be discussing the vision for what we, as a congregation, wish to be in the world.  Hopefully we will find ways to move beyond the concept of “church as country club” and move back to the vision of “church as agent of change” that energized the founding of this congregation.  We will be discussing good stewardship of our time and our finances and ways we can keep our doors open as we strive for ways to become the presence of God’s love in our neighborhood.  We are not looking for ways to just put a band-aid on things, we are listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit working among us to make us more than we can imagine!  I encourage you to pray for guidance over the next week and keep your mind open to the workings of God.  I don’t think God is done with us yet, but if we just choose to sit down, God will allow us to do that too.

Thoughts on Vacation and Being Back

Nick and I overlooking Chattanooga from Lookout Mt. 

Vacation was a wonderful thing.  I actually was able to relax and to totally put much of the troubles of the church out of my mind.  It is amazing what a few palm trees and the sound of the surf can do for one's psyche.

One of the things that I did notice while on vacation is how clueless people can be.  I don't know if it is just that they are away from home also so they feel like they don't have to care, or what.  One incident that comes to mind was in Universal Studios.  Nick and I were having lunch in an Irish Pub when a man started to play music on his guitar.  He had a list of songs and we were asked to give requests.  Once the man began playing, a child turned up his video device of choice so that it was louder than the floor show.  I asked the kid to please turn it down and he completely ignored me.  I touched him on the shoulder and he still acted as if I did not exist.  Finally the boy's male parental unit (don't know if it was his father or what) told the kid to turn it down.  Then the parental unit said something about being allowed to drink when the kids are occupied.  Why bring the kids all the way to Orlando just to have them play video games?   And how rude!  We would have been smacked if some adult talked to us and we totally ignored the person.

Then there were the two people breeding in the line to the Simpson's Ride.  If Nick and I had done what they were doing, we would probably have gotten kicked out of the park.  When I told them that I didn't want to see them have sex. they were offended.  But, of course, it is the gays who are constantly forcing our sexuality on other people.

I loved the laid-back attitude in the Keys, I could get to like that.  I know if I lived down there I would be broke!

Re-entry was fun, ha ha.  I was greeted with a letter in the newsletter by a friend of the former secretary telling the whole congregation that we need to get rid of the priest and the secretary so that we have enough money to sponsor a bowling team.  Well, not that simple, but that is the gist.  All we need to do is get rid of the priest and the congregation will just perk up and become a hotbed of volunteerism.  Of course this was not passed by me before it was distributed.  Another example of how there is no respect for any kind of authority.

We will be having a meeting next Sunday to discuss our fate.  A part of me really just wants to get out of here.

Sights in Key West

Views from Universal and Disney

Views from Universal Orlando

Annual Meeting Aftermath

Well, the meeting went better than the I had anticipated.  Of course, the "interesting members" were not there.  I guess this is a blessing.  It was also nice having the observer from the Bishop's office there.  She is a great person and I think she did help to keep things in line.

I have one board member, a friend of the former secretary, who was not at the Annual Meeting.  The observer from the Bishop's office, was not happy and was about to remove here right then.  I am going to contact the person to see what is happening,  We may have one more person leaving the congregation.  Hopefully, at this point, the major poison will be moving out of the system.

Epiphany 4 A

Readings for this Sunday

If you remember last week, we were talking about how each of us, with our various thought, feelings, and life experiences can come together and be of one mind and of one purpose. And we also spoke of how we could maintain our Christian identity and still disagree with each other; how we could disagree without being disagreeable. We discussed this and hopefully started to see how we could bring our gifts and our talents to God and trust in God to use them to spread God’s light and love to the world.


In today’s epistle reading, Paul continues the discussion on how to be a Christian in the world. Last week, Paul asks us to be of one mind, and this week he helps us to understand the challenges we have when we bring our message to the world. Paul tells us that the message of Christ is going to sound very different than the message we hear from the world. In fact the message of Christ is going to sound like foolishness.

In our world, I don’t think it would be a surprise if I were to say that when we are allowed to our own devices, we will usually take the path of least resistance. In fact, there is an adage in psychology that says to change a behavior, find an easier way to get the reward. Why is gambling so popular? If we can win money, it is much easier than earning it! It is easier to do drive though than to cook it ourselves. For the most part, we usually look for the easiest way to do things.

And although we so often follow the path of least resistance, we know that the path of least resistance is not often the best way. Quite frankly, the path of least resistance can be very unfulfilling. We have an interstate highway system that can quickly get us from here to there, but in flying along through the countryside, we miss the little towns and the Giant Balls of Twine. When we fly from one place to another, we get there in hours instead of days but we also miss the mountain passes and the roadside artisans. Sure, we have gained something, we are getting to where we are going more quickly, but I also have to believe that we are losing something.

But Paul tells us that God wants something more of us. God wants us to have a full life, not just an easy life. And truly, when we compare the words of Paul to the world, the way of Christianity certainly does look foolishness. And Jesus fleshes out this foolishness in the gospel reading for today. We are supposed to give to the poor instead of keeping everything for ourselves. We are supposed to work toward peace instead of immediately going to war. We are supposed to speak the truth instead of just following the crowd. We are to risk the anger of the crowd in order to speak truth to those in power.

Our world would tell us that we need to look out for ourselves first, but Christ would have us look to the care of our family, friends, neighbors, and community. Jesus is telling us to take the harder path in life. Jesus is NOT saying that easier is better. Jesus is telling his followers, and that would include you and me, that we need to be looking for the better way. And again, this better way is often not the easier way.

When we forget that we are people on a journey, I think we lose a lot. So often we get so caught up in our arrival that we forget to stop and look at the scenery along the way. We get so caught up in looking to our afterlife in Heaven that we forget to look at the world that surrounds us. We get so caught up in the though of living with the angels that we forget to attend to the saints that surround us.

This kind of thing always reminds me of one of those trite saying that used to get passed around the internet: Today is a gift; that is why it is called the “present.” We have been given today as a gift and we are to make the most of the gift we have been given. But quite often, to get the most out of the gift, we need to put some work into it. To enjoy books, we need to learn to read. To enjoy friendships, we need to cultivate a friendly attitude. To enjoy the view from the mountain top, we need to climb the mountain! I guess we could listen to the book on cd or have a helicopter drop us off on the mountain top, but there is something in working achieve the end that brings us greater pleasure than if the end is just placed in our lap. In some ways, the struggle to achieve the results is part of the gift.

I once had a piano instructor who kept nagging me about practicing. He said that even if he could give me a pill that would allow me to play the Bach Inventions flawlessly, he would not give it to me. He said that the beauty of the music does not come from the flawless execution, but from the work that goes into its preparation. It is not the ease that makes the music beautiful, but the work and the insight that comes from the work.

So, too, with life. God knows that if we are to follow the way that is easy, we may have something, but that something in not going to be very beautiful. If we follow the way that is the easiest, we will have a life, but we will not really be living. If we follow the way that the world tells us, we will get from birth to death, but it will be a pretty lonely trip.

As we look toward our future together as a congregation, what are we looking toward? What are we hoping for? Are we looking for the easiest ways to do things or are we looking for the ways that will bring depth and beauty? Are we looking for ways that will just allow us to live or are we looking for ways to thrive? As we contemplate our future as God’s people, what is God asking of us?

Are we content with the easy way or are we willing to trust in God and try what the world may call foolish? Are we willing to just sit in the valley and think ourselves safe or are we willing to risk climbing to the top of the mountain and seeing what might on the other side? Are we content to isolate ourselves from those around us or are we willing to do the work of reaching out, engaging the community around us, knowing that in reaching out we may be hurt? Are we content to grab that which is within reach, knowing that we find the sweetest fruit higher up on the tree?

I will be truthful with you: This is not the easiest to do. This is not what the world would tell us. The world would have us go for the sure-fire pay-off and the safe investments. But our God and our faith is not here to approve of every aspect our lives; our God and our faith is here to challenge us to be more than we ever dreamed. Just like a coach is going to challenge the couch potatoes, our God wants more for us than just the path of least resistance. God wants us to experience more than just the usual. God created this wonderful world for us to experience and enjoy. God created this wonderful world for us to go out and share. God wants us to see the views from the mountain tops! God wants us to be part of the variety and wonder that is our world! God is challenging us to be more than just a little church across from a high-school.

Yes, God’s ways are foolishness to the world. And to those who don’t understand, it may appear to be a waste. But God calls us away from the world, not to make us appear foolish, but to give us a greater gift than the world can ever give. The world can give fame and money, but God gives us love, peace, and forgiveness. These are things that can never be bought. These are only gifts that can be given. And these are the gifts that God calls us to share with each other and our world.

So, What's Been Happening Here?

Well, tomorrow should be interesting.

It is the Annual Meeting.  I am not sure what is going to happen.  I am hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

In preparation, I have an observer from the Bishop's office coming.  Hopefully people will more likely be on their best behavior if we have "company."  I just hope that people will not get nutzo.

As I said before, I sent out  a "play nice or leave" letter.  It was a good letter if I do say so, myself.  I did tell them that I was not kicking them out, but they would need to change their behavior.  I got a letter for the Former Secretary telling me that the letter was hateful and she cannot understand why I am making mountains out of mole hills, that my attitude is what is toxic, and that speaking to my colleagues and finding out about the history of the congregation is rumor-mongering.  She still claims utter innocence on any of this.

I know that I am probably over reacting to this, but it is what it is.  I know that it is a catastrophic response, and I am taking the drugs that I need to take.  But I still am of the assumption that something needs to change here (and quickly!) or I need to go.  When I have extreme abdominal pain and I actually get excited because if I am in the hospital I don't have to deal with the Annual Meeting, I think this is very telling.  So either I need therapy, the congregation needs therapy, or most likely, we both need therapy.

I am actually planning on doing a preemptive strike by addressing the letter to the Former Secretary and the rumors she has been spreading that I kicked them out.  Hopefully by bringing it up first, it will defuse any plans they had.  I hate speaking like I am going to battle, but that is how it feels.

Maybe I should also keep with my initial plan and have a letter of resignation ready, just in case.

Eleven Months Until Christmas!

Being of one mind. Epiphany 3A

NOTE:  I really had a hard time with this one.  I think it may be too close to what is happening in the congregation.

Ok, we have a problem with the epistle reading for today.  How are we all supposed to be of the same mind and the same purpose without becoming carbon copies of each other?  Isn’t that what we think of when we hear this?  Doesn’t it sound like, if we want to be of the same mind, then we all need to agree on everything, right?  And I don’t know about you, but I find the concept of having to agree on everything to be totally undoable.  So if we want to be of the same mind and the same purpose, what does that mean?

I think the first thing to do is to talk about what it is not.  Being of the same mind is not just turning over and agreeing about everything.  Can you imagine how boring that would be!  It is not having an opinion or just biting our lips and saying nothing.  We have God-given brains and God-given intellects.  We each have a unique set of experiences and have gifts and lessons we have learned from these experiences.  We have a life time of experiences that God has given to each of us to build up the church, the world, and each other.  With all the experience that is gathered just in this room, it would be a shame to force everyone to agree on everything and to force everyone to have the exact same attitude about everything that happens.

If we are forced to see everything the same way, we lose the depth of experience we have in the world.  When we restrict the list of acceptable thoughts and feelings to a select few, we lose the emotional color that makes our world the wonderful gift that it is.  Our God created so many thoughts, so many feelings, so many experiences; to say that we all must agree on a select few to be of the same mind is to ignore the great gifts that God has placed in our midst.

So we all are not supposed to have the same thoughts, we are not all supposed to be in lock-step.  So what dose it mean to be of the same mind?  What does it mean to not be divided?

I think the problem with this, for us, is we seem to think that either you agree with us or you are an enemy.  Just look at the world right now.  If we were to pay attention to the news broadcasters, it would appear that the only people we can ever live with are people who think the same way we do.  We can only function with people who have the exact same thoughts and feelings as we do.  Everyone must agree with us.  And if somebody does not agree with us, then that person is not just evil, but Hitler and the Anti-Christ rolled into one.  In our world today, there is no room for any kind of civil discourse; it is an all or nothing proposition.  Either you agree, or you are evil; that is it, cut and dried.  And unfortunately, I think this “all or nothing” thinking spills over into our functioning as the church.

We can see this in the split between the fundamentalist churches and the more main-line churches.  We each take the view that our way of seeing God and understanding God is the only way.  If someone else has a different view, it is often written off.  Some may say that the people are just religious freaks, but others will often go so far as to say that groups are being used by Satan to spread evil.  As Christians, we should be looking for ways to be of one mind, to be united.  We should be looking for ways to see the best in the actions of those around us.  Being of one mind does not mean that we have to agree with everyone on every point, but it does mean that even were we do disagree, we do it with love and compassion.

I think to be of one mind, we need to truly rely on God.  We need to be able to give our egos over to God and allow God to stir our thoughts, our words, and our actions.  To be of one mind, we need to ask God to give us the words we need to say, but also give us the insight to see where we need to be quite and listen.  We need to add our part when it is necessary, but we also need to be open to learning when we encounter a teacher.  And then we also need to trust that God will guide us through the whole process.

When I think about being of one mind, I always think of Brenda.  I think I may have told you about Brenda, but I will refresh your memory:

The thing that I loved about Brenda is that she trusted God and she trusted the system.  She said what she needed to say, but then, in the end, trusted that God would work through the council and do what needed to be done.  She said that after the choice had been made, to keep trying to force her will on the situation was not to act in a Christian manner.

It is not that we can’t have a conflicting point of view, it is how we go about expressing that point of view.  Often a conflicting point of view can make the entire project better.  A conflicting point of view can point out downfalls that may have been overlooked.  A different point of view can enhance what is already in process.  To disagree does not mean that we are not of one mind.  To disagree may just mean that we have different ideas of how to achieve our goals.

When we act as Paul tells and work with the same mind and to the same purpose, we can truly do the work of God.  We are called to bring our gifts and talents to the table, but then we are to finally trust that the Holy Spirit will work in the process.  How this process ends up looking may be way different than what we originally had in mind.  (I was supposed to have a large church in southern California by now!)  But we need to trust that if we continue to work in faith, that God will prevail.  If we are of the same mind, we can approach our disagreements without being disagreeable.

So often I think our ego gets in the way.  We become too invested in “looking good” instead of doing what is good for God.  We want the recognition, we want the glory.  We get caught up in those things that the world tells us is important.  We look for ways to make sure that we are recognized.

Now, being recognized is a pleasant feeling, but it is only a passing thing.  What we are to do as Christians is to work to see that the Word of God is spread throughout the world.  We do what we can, we say what we feel we must, and then we join together and go out into the world.  We add our part and then trust that the Holy Spirit will move us to the places where we need to go.

Is this easy to do?  No.  But it is part of our calling as Christians.  It is part of how we show Christ’s love to the world.  It is part of our humility in being able to admit that we don’t know everything that is going on.  In being of one mind, we are giving the best that we have for the good of God, and then trusting in God to use us to bring God glory.  

I Should Feel Happy

But I don't.

I got a resignation letter from the Husband of the Former Secretary resigning from the council.  Now I don't know if this means resignation from the congregation also. 

I just hope that they will be able to find someplace that will not have as many problems.  I hope they will be able to find a place where they can be part of a community and not be so angry over what has happened previously.

As I said, I should feel happy, but I am not.  But I do hope this is the beginning of the end.