Saturday, August 25, 2007

my christian boyfriend is lustful should i dump hi[m]

The title of this post is a google search that lead someone to my blog.

That search reminded me of so many things that I really dislike about the "Christian" religion. I didn't say Christianity because I do not think the sentiments of that question are necessarily Christian. I just picture a white, middle to lower SES, fundamentalist/Pentecostal/Evangelical, girl, having nowhere to turn. Instead of going to mom and having her say, "Tell him to talk a cold shower!" She must go to the Internet.

And the word "lustful" makes me stop. What ever happen to, "Mom, Joe is getting a little pushy, what should I do?" Instead of learning how to defend herself and stand up for herself, she just jumps to the dichotomy of dump/not dump. I feel it is this type of either/or thinking that is fostered by the fundamentalist religions that leave our children (and even our adults) without any kind of common sense. It is this either/or thinking that steals people, and in this case teen girls, of their ability to make choices for themselves and do what they think is correct.

When you make your entire salvation dependent on one choice, (Do I accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior) then suddenly all other choices become suspect. "Maybe if I choose Jesus but I then think lustful thoughts Jesus will leave me." Or the biggie: "If Jesus hates fags, maybe Jesus also hates people who think about sex. If Jesus can ditch fags who prayed the sinner's prayer, maybe Jesus will ditch me too."

When we tell people to check their brains at the church doors, how do we let people know when it is time to reconnect? When you tell people that what they can see and know is wrong, then you can expert people to start doing irrational things.

I don't think God gave us irrational brains so we could get rid of every shade of gray and just dump the lustful boyfriend.

My response to the question: "Don't dump the boyfriend, tell him you are worthy of respect and make him treat you as a person of worth." And if you are scared because you feel lustful back: "Welcome to the wonderful world of life! How do you deal with these feelings in a mature and responsible way?" Black and white faith deprives us of the ability to become responsible, mature adults.


Ur-spo said...

au contraire
this person should dump him for a saint without any faults at all.
what a relationship that would be...

Anonymous said...

Your post and Ur-Spo's comment left me thinking and laughing about the line in Billy Joel's song that reads "sinner's are much more fun".

As you well know, it is not Christ who tells us to check our brains at the church door, but rather those in control who would lose that control if the flock actually started thinking - as God would have them do.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I think lust gets too much of a bad rap anyway. After all, one definition of lust is simply "intense desire." (Technically, that desire doesn't even have to be sexual in nature.) Quite frankly, I want a long term lover who lusts after me deeply! I'm not looking for a chaste romantic relationship (a concept I personally find a complete oxymoron).

The real problem isn't lust, but when lust is experienced and acted upon without being mitigated by other virtues, such as respect, compassion, humility, and thoughtfulness. The problem is, in some circles, there seems to be this underlying assumption that lust can never be mixed with these other virtues by definition.

Of course, I'll freely admit that I'm an oddball in this area. A few years ago, I also wrote a post in which I described lust as something sacred. A few friends did a double-take.