Saturday, June 17, 2006

I am so tired of the process...

This will probably be a whiney post so I apologize.

I gave my letter of resignation to the senior pastor. Each step of this process just wrenches at my stomach and makes me just want to run and hide.

Part of the problem is I don't know what is going to happen to me. Will I have to sell my home? Will I have a job? Will I have a call? I don't know what is going to happen but I can't just stay where I am.

I just wish once the senior pastor would say, "This is just wrong. We need to change things so this will not have to happen in the future." Unfortunately, I don't think this will ever happen. Can he not see how wrong this whole thing is?

I guess there are people who think that homosexuality is wrong and those who participate in it are also wrong. But, according to the Bible, gossip is wrong, gluttony is wrong, bearing false witness is wrong. And still, we are not chasing pastors out of their calls because they may be fat, gossiping, liars.

There are just so many things that feel wrong about the way I am leaving. It feels as if I am trying to sneek out in the dark (which I guess I am). I hate having to concoct a story to cover the questions that will inevitably be asked. I would rather say, "I am gay and the silly rules of the denomination mean that I have to leave. These rules that are causing me to leave are the same rules you voted for at the last national convention. When you vote, you make changes in the lives of real people, not just some hypothetical person 'out there.'"

I am angry, sad, scared, and confused.

Why would anyone CHOOSE to go through something like this?

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