What Classic Movie are You?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What are we doing to ourselves?

I read something today that got me upset. Now before I continue, I want to state that I could be totally off base. I could be misunderstanding what was happening. And I may be opening myself up for similar attacks in doing this. But hey, I could get killed for this or for telling someone that they dropped their napkin when they threw it out of their car.

I am going to be rather vague about the situation, it is not the situation itself that is sad but what the situation says about us, as gay people. If you recognize the situation, great, if not don’t worry about it.

The situation appears to be a group of bloggers attacking another blogger. Now, this was done on Oct 13 (which was a Friday) and may have been a joke. But, to me at least, it wasn’t very funny. The bloggers that were being attacked are a long-term, happily partnered couple. Their blog is a slice of their life, including all the small things like where they went to dinner and what they watched on television. It sometimes can be a bit sugary, but what is so wrong about that?

Then on October 13 there was a spate of posts parodying this blog. These parodies were not in fun but were mean-spirited. What it felt like is a bunch of bloggers who were not happy with their own lives needed to attack another. So therefore, they could not allow these others to be happy either. Since these bloggers that were attacked were happy and leading a normal, boring life, the other bloggers decided to make them the objects of ridicule.

I think it is sad enough that we have people running around telling us that we are abominations and we that we don’t know how to live a “normal” life. But when we have people who have been together for eight years and are still going strong, who have jobs and are happy, who do not go out and cruise the streets, become the object of ridicule; well, we, ourselves, have become as much a tool of the fundamentalist as Jim Dobson or Alan Chambers. When we attack each other, all we are doing is presenting the world with another point to say, “See, THEY are just a bunch of immature deviants. They don’t even want to try to act civil.”

Now, maybe it is the age that I was when I came out, but I want the white picket fence. I want the person waiting when I get home at night. I want the dream. And I don’t think we should ridicule the people who do actually have that dream. If that is not something you want, fine. But just because you don’t want it doesn’t mean it is wrong.

You Pollute My Air, I'll Pollute Yours!

See of Change

Yes, I know, you are probably thinking, "He spelled 'sea' wrong!" Well, no, I really wanted to use the word "see."

What I mean is that I have been seeing a change in myself. By looking back at my blog postings, I have noticed that they have moved from angst about being gay to more angst about life in general. Now, I would like to be rid of the angst all together, but if I have to have angst about something, I am glad it is not about being gay.

When I started this process, I wanted to get to the point where I was not "Gay Pastor Ottaia." I wanted to move to the point where I was "Pastor Ottaia who just happens to be gay." I think I have moved in that direction. Now granted, I am not even "Pastor Ottaia" at this point, and that may have something to do with my attitude. I am in an area where being gay does not really matter. I wonder if my attitude will charge when I get involved again in the whole church process. I hope not. I know that the ECUSA is less worried about sexuality, but there is still there.

"Thank you for calling..." Part Deux

Ok, I made it through my first day ... sort of. I actually took three calls and didn't do too bad. Granted, they were fairly simpl things like resetting passwords, but I did do it! Then, for some weird reason, they sent everyone home; in effect closing the helpdesk. I was getting kind of charged to take more calls and then "poof" we are sent home. I don't get it.

Oh well, tomorrow is the big day, the new build is going out over the whole system and we are expecting a large quantity of calls as people become acquainted with the new system.

"Thank you for calling..."

Well, I officially "go live" today. Done is the "training" (I use the quotes because I really didn't feel like I got a whole lot of training) and now we are really answering questions. I also have an additional assignment of contacting people who have had a patch put on their computer. I have to remove the new patch and put the old patch back on.

I am really kind of nervous about all of this. I wish I could feel more comfortable. I know that once I get in the flow of things, I will be ok. I am a fairly bright guy and I am sure I will pick up on things once I can get them into context. Oh well, que sera, que sera.

After work I have to quickly drive across town to rehersal. I work from 10 am to 6:30 pm and then have rehersal from 7 until 9. It makes for a long day, but I have done long days before.

Nick has been great, putting up with my mood swings as I deal with my perfectionism and fear of failing. He is great to put up with me. Now we just need to find him a job here so we can quit playing this "house tag." I am almost to the point where I can drive from my house to his and back, and many permutations of the trip, in my sleep.

One of my kids is getting more comfortable with Nick and Amber. Madeline will come into the room and will actually come up to me even with Nick and Amber sitting on the futon. Claudia is a different story. I haven't seen here in a couple of days. Hopefully she will come around too.

"Battle Shits"

Here is a great scene from "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle"



The other day when I was at work, I had to "go"! So I went to the bathroom and unfortunately, there was a person in the other stall. Well, I tried to not just let it all out but there comes a point where you really cannot moderate the rate of expulsion. So things just kind of went. Then I started to think of this scene and almost couldn't keep from laughting. Little snorts would come out between spluts and splashes. I quickly got out of there and then started to laugh once I got out of the room. I figured the guy next to me would not understand if he heard a toot and a splash and then heard uproarious laughter!

Beta Problems?

Has anyone had success using Picasa with Blogger beta? I can't seem to get it to work.

National Coming Out Day

It is kind of odd, this year.

Last year, I remember National Coming Out Day, I don't remember if I told anyone or not. But I do remember e-mailing some (gay) friends and telling them that, hey!, this is my first Coming Out Day.

This year, after The Letter, and The Talk, there is not too many people who don't know. I guess I could have told people at work, but since I have just started and because it is a temp job, I really don't want to be too out there yet. I have not denied being gay, I just have not felt the need to state it either. Maybe that is a cop out. Oh well...

HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!

Let There Be LIPS!

With Halloween Coming...

We need a little ROCKY!

Funeral Music

I was tagged by Janna over at One More Drop In A Bloggy Ocean to do this meme. It is kind of interesting. The question is: What five songs do you want played at your funeral?

Now, this is kind of hard, because there are the songs that I would like to have and then there are the songs that would be more appropriate to a funeral.

First off, I will give you the "appropriate" songs I would like for my funeral.

First, I would like the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. I know it is an advent song, but I like it and I think it is appropriate for a funeral.

Second, I would like the song Soon and Very Soon.

Third, I would like Give Me Jesus

Fourth, would be We Are Called. Sorry, I could not find a link to this one.

Fifth, would be an old standard like Amazing Grace.

Now other songs that I think would be fun at a funeral would be:

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

I'm Going Home


I think that is it. It was kind of fun! Now I think I will tag Lemuel over at The Greedy Maelstrom.

"Why do gays only talk about being gay?"

I read a post over at A Rainbow Flag in Narnia where Steve was answering a question about people feel that "being gay" is the most important thing in a gay person's life. What is interesting is that I was just thinking how "Flaming Heterosexual" so many people seem to be.

Case in point: I have just started a new job. I already know that my trainer is married, has lived with his wife before he was married. Does not go to strip clubs because of what he has at home. Has a wife that likes to initiate sex. And "you know you are married and you want to go to bed to sleep."

Now, if we were to place a gay person in that situation and the same things were said, the person would probably be out of a job.

To the heterosexual population, they don't see what they say as being out of the ordinary. So when they hear us talk about our life, we are "throwing it in their face." What they don't realize is that their activities are constantly in our faces. We are just supposed to say nothing about it.

I actually am kind of upset at the actions of my trainer. I find the conversation to be totally inappropriate for the work-place. I wonder if I should say something or if then I will be written off as someone who isn't willing to have some fun.

I really don't know if I am offended because I am offended or if I am offended because of the disparity in treatment.

October Crickets

I find crickets in October to be kind of bittersweet. Especially here in the upper Midwest, it is, well, difficult. It is a comforting sound, but it is also sad. You know that eventually the weather is going to freeze and the crickets will be dormant until the next spring. It is a wonderful sound, but a sound full of feeling that it cannot deliver upon.

Today it was warm. Tonight there are crickets. I wonder how much longer they will be around. Soon, they will be gone.

Today, at work, I was listening in on the conversation of some of my co-workers. It kind of made me sad. They were talking about gays.

The guy said that he really didn't mind "them" as long as they didn't hit on him.

I got to thinking. He probably considers himself very open and hip. But what he said is still homophobic. How would he like it if he had to worry that every time he talked to a woman, she just might deck him or maybe even try to kill him.

And then another guy said something about "and then they get so mad if you say that they chose to be gay."

Then the first said, "And why do they have to talk about it all the time?"

I probably should have called them on it. But I just sat there and said nothing.

I am shocked how much heterosexism permeates our society. If I were to do to Nick in public what I see others do in public, we would probably be in jail. But for the hets, it is ok.

Arrggg....

The job is interesting. I am getting paid to sit in class, learn about 20 minutes worth the stuff, and play computer games for the rest of the time. I guess I would rather get paid almost $17 per hour to play games there than to sit at home and do it for nothing.

The Heterosexual Agenda - EXPOSED!

Here it is! Possibly the most explosive news of our decade!

For Ur-Spo

Distracting

Man, to steal a term from Lemuel over at The Greedy Maelstrom, my "Hunkdar" has been working overtime today.

Although the trainer for my new job is nothing spectacular, I am kind of glad I am not in the other training session, I would never get anything done! The guy is just the right height, just the right body build, and BALD! I wouldn't be paying attention to what I was supposed to be doing and I would have to stay sitting all day. Nick said he was happy I wasn't in the other class either!

Then there was the guy who was sitting next to me during rehearsal for the choral I am in. He was kind of my "other ideal." (if that is possible.) Dark, goatee, a little cheek bristle, hairy, and a great bass voice. He was kind of a jerk though.

The picture is a barn on I-80 in NW Illinois.

Let's Rush The Seasons!

I saw a commercial advertising Christmas toys for Wal-Mart, today. Way too early!!

New Job Tomorrow

I start my new temp job tomorrow. What is really kind of sad is that I have been unemployed long enough that having to get up for work seems to be a bit daunting. But I am sure I will get used to it. Yes, I am whining, but that is why I have a blog!

I also have my second rehearsal tomorrow for the choral I joined. It is fun being part of a semi-pro choral, especially since my sister used to hassle me, as a kid, that I couldn't sing. This is something I couldn't do before because there was so much always going on at the church.

It will be nice getting back to doing something more than just sitting around the house.