Tuesday, September 12, 2006

If I Told You...

Well, I made it through the work day I dreaded. I have to admit that I am a bit sore. I am not getting any younger.

I had to sign all kinds of confidentiality wavers so all the great corporate secrets I learned (yeah, right) I cannot sell on e-bay. Actually, all I did was check to see if the attachment thingy (love thoes technical terms!) was ok so the wiring could be used in a car. It was not bad except for the bending and the lifting. Lifting 30 pounds of wiring gets kind of old. I am getting too old.

I am still a little (little!) worried about bills coming due. I was walking through my house wondering if I will be able to keep it. My house is a 1929 Cape Cod and I love it! It is brick with arched doors and a fireplace.

But I now am in the place where I may lose my house.

This is the first house I ever bought. I bought it when I figured I would never meet a woman and would never get married so I might as well get about making a life. I was in a good congregation and I found a house I loved! (It even has gargoyals!) I wanted to just get on with life insead of waiting.

Unfortunately (unfortunately?) in getting on with my life, I found out what I was really about. So now I am faced with losing what I have finally achieved. My neurosis says, "See, you deserve to have anything nice."

Another part of me says that if I only had kept my mouth shut, I would still have my call, my congregation, and my house, the ability to not constanly worry how I am going to pay all my bills. I would still have Nick but I would also have a job!

Sorry, I am kind of whiney today. Too much in the "Unknown" column. But if we think about it, isn't most of life in the "Unknown" column. Isn't it just a illusion that we have any kind of control?

Have a great day. Hug someone close to you. I would be my huggee is about 100 miles away.


Old Pastor said...

your huggee (and no, not the disposable diaper) loves you. Hang in there and know that it will all work out somehow!

Ur-spo said...

I recall some one telling me that all brave acts have a price; mostly about being 'apart', but also with loss of security/usual.
I hope it all works out well enough for you.
Hugs to you by the way.