Monday, November 23, 2009
Ranting at Life
I have truly been having difficulty with work lately.
As many of you who are readers of my blog know, I am very introverted. But as you also know, I am in very extroverted jobs. This causes some problems! One of the biggest problems is that I have a difficult time finding space to regroup and re-energize.
This is especially a problem at BUX. We are a licensed store, not a corporate store. And we are in a very confined space. And while I am at work, I am confined to this space with my coworkers and with the people who are coming to get coffee. There is really no way to get away from it.
Now, in the very introverted, when the threshold of stimulation has been reached, any more stimulation becomes VERY uncomfortable. (Common guys, you know what I am talking about!) The problem at work is trying to find ways to allow the stimulation to abate.
Then I also work with two VERY (I might even say PAINFULLY) extroverted. The one is the twink I talked about before. The other is the (I would bet BIG money that he is closeted) Lead Barista who has an ego that is so big that it will not allow anyone near. Everything that happens has to be tied back to him. (Said to a customer: "That cookie isn't nearly as sweet as me." Or "This drink is filled with Hossiness!" (His name is "Hoss")) He also is constantly referring to himself in the third-person.
Now, I am sure to most of the customers, this is nothing. But putting up with this for eight hours a day gets to be a bit much. And being introverted and having to deal with this is psychically painful. As I said, most people who come into the store probably do not understand what the problem would be. Hoss seems like a nice guy and seems like he would be the life of the party. But for me, the repetitive jokes and the "patter" gets really tiresome.
It has gotten to the point where thinking of working at Bux leads to an anxiety attacks. And although it may sound like I am being a drama queen, the coffee shop has begun to feel like an attack. I become frustrated and anxious just thinking about it.
Unfortunately, weekends do not provide a respite, either. Most weekends are spent preparing a sermon, preparing Sunday worship, doing Sunday worship, and going with Nick to his Sunday Worship. Oh, did I forget the 200 mile round trip journey in all of this?
I am not complaining about traveling with Nick, I enjoy hearing him preach and I enjoy the people in the congregation. I also want to be along to provide Nick with some company during the trip because it is a long trip for him too. But it just become more things to do and no time to regroup.
I also do not know where the whole church thing is going. We are holding, but not growing. I have been told that things are going well, but I still have bills that are not getting paid. I want to trust in God, but I am getting tired of waiting. I need to get people to go out and bring in new members, or give more money, or both!! But that is not happening.
I have now spent about 5 hours doing NOTHING and feel guilty about it. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I also know that I should be looking for a different job.
And so the anxiety continues.
*End of rant*