Monday, September 07, 2009

Such as it is...

I have been in a really funky place as of late. It seems as if the stress will never let up.

Between work, church, finances, and pets, things have just been nuts. It feels as if life is just pushing me farther and farther back into a corner. There seems to be no way out of this corner.

I have felt this way before. The first time I remember would have been around when I was five or six years old. I remember having what seemed to be all the kids in the neighborhood making fun of me. Calling me names and calling me stupid. I felt trapped. I felt misunderstood. I felt flawed and hurt. It seemed that no matter what I did, I was not going to be able to make these people stop. I kept being told that I was no good, I was bad. It seemed that the only thing to do was to run away; to get as far away from these people who were hurting me as possible. So off I rode on my bike, trying to get as far away from these people who were hurting me as possible.

This is the feeling that I have been having lately. I feel hurt, flawed and misunderstood. I feel like no one cares and that I am totally trapped. I feel like to voice my opposition is just being dramatic, but to not oppose what is happening is to just succumb to the situation.

It seems like the world has just become a bunch of complacent people who don't want to make any waves. Those who know how to take advantage of this complacency just cruise through life. And everyone else around them just finally give up because they get tire of beating their head against the wall. I feel like I am a bleating sheep, but is seems as if no one is listening.

I begin to wonder: Am I the crazy one?

1 comment:

Urspo said...

That is the trouble with being in an insane world; you begin to think you are the insane one. But don't succomb.