Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Sleepless Night

Sleep is not coming easy tonight.

I suffer from the logical error that plagues many with depression: the thought that what is now will be forever. It causes all kinds of problems. It creates a feeling of helplessness that is very difficult to drive away. Also with this thought is the underlying thought of: Is this really worth it?

The thought of "is it worth it" would not be an active suicidal thought, but more a passive feeling. It may be manifested in some lack of attention to detail or a carelessness in critical situations. I also wonder if it manifests as an "accident" to finally push the system to change? This last question is a bit frightening to me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that just about anything seems better than what I am doing.

Being tired, unable to sleep, and having a propensity to depression is a bad combination.

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