Sleep is not coming easy tonight.
I suffer from the logical error that plagues many with depression: the thought that what is now will be forever. It causes all kinds of problems. It creates a feeling of helplessness that is very difficult to drive away. Also with this thought is the underlying thought of: Is this really worth it?
The thought of "is it worth it" would not be an active suicidal thought, but more a passive feeling. It may be manifested in some lack of attention to detail or a carelessness in critical situations. I also wonder if it manifests as an "accident" to finally push the system to change? This last question is a bit frightening to me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that just about anything seems better than what I am doing.
Being tired, unable to sleep, and having a propensity to depression is a bad combination.