Sunday Evening Thoughts

Hi Everybody!

Hope you have had a great weekend. Here, the weekend went well but got rather hectic toward the end.

Friday night was pretty low key. My back was still hurting so Nick and I just hung out at home. It may sound corny, but just having him here makes it more enjoyable to be at home.

Saturday morning I made the mistake volunteered to help some former congregation members. They needed help in moving their antique business. Now I don't mind helping people, but when I am asked to be at the shop at 10 am and we don't start putting stuff in my truck until almost 11:45 am, I get a little miffed. Finally, at around 1 pm I got home so Nick and I could go to a movie.

We went to "300." It wasn't too bad. Actually, for someone, like me, with a jock fetish, it was GREAT! Who would think that Spartans would all have 6-pack abs (There were more 6-packs in this movie than you would find at a frat party!), wax, and wear leather speedos. Now, from the front, these leather speedos looked to all the world like leather jock straps. It was wonderful. There is a butt shot but no frontals, bummer.

What miffed me was that there was a family who brought what looked like a 1 year old and a 6 year old to the movie. I don't know what the 1 year old may have gotten, but the movie was WAY too violent for the 6 year old. In my opinion, this is bordering on child abuse. A 6 year old does not have the mental faculties to deal with seeing someone get his head chopped off.

Saturday night was again pretty laid-back. But then came Sunday Morning!

Nick was getting ready to go to church. He was a little flustered because this is the last time he will preach for this congregation. I was still in bed. Then my phone rang. It was my realtor reminding me that we had an open-house from 2:30-4 that afternoon. Suddenly I was up and Nick was going quickly trying to get the house ready for the showing.

Finally, Nick had to leave and I continued to clean. I then had to get ready because I was presiding at the communion service at the local Episcopal church. The house was about 1/2 ready at this time.

I went to church and the service when well. I need to do more of these so I can learn how the whole Episcopal thing works. I am sure I will get it, it will just take time and an understanding congregation.

I got home and again went into a cleaning frenzy. Now, most of you would not understand how out of character this is. I score WAY HIGH on the "P" scale of the Meyers-Briggs test; in other words, I am NOT a very organized person and cleaning to me means that the piles don't run into each other.

I am pleased to say, that when Nick came home, he was pleasantly surprised with the state of the house. And we were able to show the house at 2:30 pm.

So, while the house was showing, Nick, Amber (the dog), and I went out to the Home and Builders Show. The cats got to stay at home because they would probably hide anyway. Not too much to see at the show. Yes, there was a lot of nice lawn layouts, and ponds, and all of that. But the eye candy left something to be desired. The best view was a guy at the concession stand as we were walking out of the show.

Well, we got home and had a roast that Nick put in the crock pot in the morning. Now we are doing computer stuff (Nick is checking out insurance prices and I am blogging, of course) and watching TV as they save the west coast from sliding into the ocean.

Tomorrow I get to go and stuff envelopes again. It doesn't pay much, but it is a job.

I hope to hear from the Deployment person about some calls in the church. He went to a conference last week and hopefully he will have some good news.

Hope you all are having a great day and hug someone you love!

Some Observations

(In writing this, I may sound like a pampered poodle, if so, please forgive me!)

One of the "blessings" of being unemployed is learning how difficult it really is to navagate "The System." All modesty aside, I am a pretty bright guy. But the process of trying to access the system is totally nuts!

I didn't know about medical help until I was on the phone to find out why I couldn't get unemployment. Then I was told that it appeared I didn't make ENOUGH to qualify. I was shocked! I needed to make more money so I could get some support because I didn't have a job.

I also am thankful for my therapist. What he did is probably not conventional, but he got on the phone and called my MD to get my meds adjusted. I truthfully don't know if I would have called. When depression hits, people do (or not do) weird things.

I hope that I will be able to use this experience to understand those I encounter who are trying to navagate the system. It is a weird system and I am getting a first had look at it.

Thanks for the kinds words and prayers from you all.

Hey all

I had an appointment with my therapist today. And things are looking much better. My therapist has a way of kicking me in the butt and waking me up. He also helped me to find how to get my psychotropic meds even though I don't have a job. I had been "rationing" them because I could not afford to get another prescription so I was not taking them the way I should. I also had to promise that I would not off myself or hurt myself before our next appointment next week.

No Sleep Tonight

Well, the moment I try to close my eyes, I ruminate on all the bills that need to be paid. My mind whirls with shut-off notices. I am so frustrated that nothing seems to be happening.

I am on the futon so I don't keep Nick up because he has to work tomorrow. But that just means that I will be home alone tomorrow, dodging phone calls.

I am tired of life but too chicken to end it. I cannot see an ending to this. Something has to give soon: either the world needs to change or I am going to give out.

Where is God in all of this? I am beginning to think that God is some kind of construct we create so we don't have to face the terror that this is all there is.

I'm ready to quit

Well, faithful readers, your host is getting tired.

Between not finding a job, not having a job, and not having the money in my account to pay the bills, and my back hurting every time I move, I am really losing any desire to go on.

Would the world notice if I were not here?

I don't know if this is a cry for help or just a statement of fact. Maybe both. I want to be rescued. I want to just have this all go away. I feel like I have nothing to give that anyone in the world wants.

I apologize to Nick in writing this. He has done his best to be supportive and loving. Sometimes neurochemistry just is more powerful.

Wrap-Up and General Thoughts

First off, Saturday was the 69th day of the year. I hope you all celebrated it appropriately!

I am back from New Orleans and it has been bittersweet. I am happy to be home but upon coming home there are all of the problems to come home to. While I was in New Orleans, it was possible to forget about all the various things and to just enjoy the time. Now I have to worry about the bills and worry about how I am going to make ends meet. I am so happy to have Nick with me, but I feel bad about really leaning on him.

I have been procrastinating getting my paperwork done. When I procrastinate, it generally ties back to something I am fearing; and I am fearing being back in the church. My experiences in the congregation have not been overly positive and I am not so sure the congregation is where I want to be. Nick thinks that maybe I am just a little gun shy and that I should give it a try. However, to look for a congregation that will be open to new and challenging ideas.

Seeing the damage in NOLA helped me to get some perspective, but still the problems are here. Granted, I am not homeless, but I still have the problems. Oh well.

Thursday Morning Thoughts

Well, today is our last day in New Orleans.

First, I'd like to clear up a misconception that Ur-Spo voiced in a comment about the picture of Jackson Square. (Spo my friend, I am not trying to pick on you!) One of the misconceptions is that the French Quarter got the attention because of tourist bucks. That does make sense, but the truth of the matter is that the quarter, being the oldest part of the city, was also built on the highest part of the city. So when the flood waters came in, the quarter just got some wet streets. Where other parts got lots of high water (some places do not have a "bathtub ring" because the water went over the top of the houses)the French Quarter was spared. (Makes you wonder about the people who said that the flood was the wrath of God against the city for its decadence and its support of GLBT people!)

But the trip has given me time to think and time to talk. One of the hard things about being a member of the clergy is the, in my opinion, artificiality of position. I guess there is an aspect of this with all jobs, but sometimes it just feels stifling. So much of what makes me "Me" has to be hidden because it does not conform to others expectations of what a "good clergy" should be.

How can I tell others to be true to themselves and be the wondrous creatures God made them to be when I, myself, am not following this advice? Do we need to crash the image of the clergy? Will people be ready for that? Can the church survive without the "Pseudo-god" standing in front of them each Sunday (or whatever day is the worship day)?

Some More Sights of New Orleans

There are so many pictures of the destruction that is here in New Orleans. Yes, you can find neighborhoods that are empty, but that is not the whole story. New Orleans is a city that is fighting to rebuild itself. So in honor of the spirit of these people, I am posting picture not of the destruction, but of the beautiful sights that are still to be found.

Nick, This One's For You!

Sharing A Little of New Orleans

For those of you who can't be here. It has been fantastic!

Tuesday

Today has gone great so far. The temprature was around 75 degrees and there was a gentle breeze. I kind of smile when I see that they are dealing with temps in the teens back home.

We are going to go to Bourbon Street again tonight. Last night we were there and I could have sworn it was "Family" Night! Some nice sightings in the French Quarter!

The days have been tiring and somewhat difficult. It is hard to believe that after 18 months there are still home in New Orleans that have not yet been touched. We worked with a family that had lost the roof to their home and had moved out. And we gutted two homes where the people moved to Mississippi. It is kind of jarring to be carrying things out of a house and realizing that this is a person's whole life we are throwing in the trash heap.

Not much in the line of pictures. We have been asked to not to take many. The group we are working with don't want people surfing the internet and find their homes as blog posts.

Monday Morning

One of the things I really don't like about getting older is the whole "waking up at the same time" thing. I used to be able to sleep-in forever but now, I am up at 7am whether I am in the Eastern time zone, or, like now, in the Central time zone. So I am awake and posting on the blog.

Last night we went to a local seafood restaurant in New Orleans. It was a small place but the food was good.

I find it kind of eerie how there are still so many houses without anyone living in them. In the area we are staying, there are more empty houses than occupied houses. I am guessing that before Katrina this was a fairly upscale neighborhood due to the proximity to Lake Pontchartrain. But now, things are dark and quiet here at night.

Today we actually start the work of gutting. I don't know what to expect. I know that my body was built for comfort, not hard work. Oh well.

I have been slowly outing myself to some of the people on the trip. The general question that brings up the topic is how I came from being a Lutheran pastor to being an Episcopal priest and why I am not in a church. When asked, I will joke about "wanting the Reader's Digest" version or the "Mini-series." Mostly, though, they just get the "Reader's Digest" version.

At the risk of jinxing myself: This trip is going so much better than my last church related excursion! I was kind of scared to go this time because of what happened in San Antonio. I guess we just have to get back on the bus when we get kicked off.

In Baton Rouge

Well, I made it to baton Rouge. I was drop dead tired. Riding a bus (a nice bus, but a bus just the same) for 18 hours can be pretty tiring. And we had a driver who thought 70 mph was just a suggestion. Why drive the speed limit when you can drive 55 mph and get there three hours later!! Oh well

I am shocked by the job market here. They can't get enough people to do the jobs. I think I could handle the sun and the warm. There are some church possibilities too, that would be nice. Nick told me that this could be a networking opportunity and he may be prophetic.

We will be going to New Orleans soon and then all the work will start. I guess that is good. But for now, I am totally enjoying the warmth. It is so nice to just sit in the sun and listen to the birds.

Going to New Orleans

I am going with Canterbury MSU to New Orleans to help with the continued Katrina clean-up. You can follow along at the blog, here.

An Ironic Twist

I didn't hear about this before. I am not advocating embezzelment, but I think it is funny when the laws rebound on people.

http://www.washblade.com/2006/11-3/news/national/twist.cfm

In short, Michael Kopper, who embezzeled something like 19 million from Enron put a bunch of money into his partner's account. Since Texas does not recognize gay marriage, the court cannot treat the pratner as a spouse and must treat him as a "third party" which makes it harder to get the money. If Texas would recognize gay marriage, they could have gotten the money back.

Letter to Dr. Laura

I stole this from an ad for a place that sells "adult toys." I know it is kind of old, but I thought it was funny.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Thank-you.

Various Thoughts...

Sometimes we see things about ourselves that we don't like.

One thing that I noted was that I was secretly hoping people I had worked with get fired. I know that seems horrible and it scared me when I noted it. I wanted those people to get fired so I didn't have to feel bad about losing my job.

I also have noted that I have been wanting to hurt people. Not just anyone (no, I am not going postal) but those people who (I feel) have hurt me. I guess it is the childish desire to "get back" at those people.

I guess I am still trying to heal some hurts. We all have hurts, but these never seem to have time to heal. Or maybe healing is occurring and I am just not aware of it. I look back and see the healing, it just dosen't seem like the healing is occurring while the events are happening.

Other Thoughts: I have started hanging out again at the Christain Forums chat site. I guess I need to go there every now and again to realize how closed minded people are. What makes me even more sad is how the people who claim to be the "stongest Christians" are the most closed minded. Some of them I want to tell, "You are not being treated badly because you are a Christian, you are being treated badly because you are a jerk."

I think it is the Tim LaHays of the world that propegate the notion that everyone is out to get rid of the all the Christians. (Read: Born-Again, Fundimentalist Christians.)

Humm, Green... I'll need to think about that.

Lemuel came before me in the chain of people trying this, so I thought I would too!

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourbrainquiz/">What Color Is Your Brain?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope Cupid makes a stop at your house!

Hug someone you love! (Better yet, hug someone you want to love!)

Lightning Struck

I just got a call telling me not to come in to work. I guess I am happy they waited until after weekend. That way I got to enjoy the weekend without futzing over it.

I had no idea I was on the block. I thought I was doing well. I was trying to do my best, to give what they asked, "world class service." I guess my best wasn't good enough.

So I am back to being unemployed. I know God is still in this, just where?

Who would survive a new ice age?

Nick and I were talking and I got to thinking about all the end-of-the-world scenarios that seem to be on tv lately. I was thinking, "What if Yellowstone were to explode and we were thrown into another ice age? Who would survive?"

I thought and finally came up with the answer: Martha Stewart! Let's face it, the woman can do anything! If we had another ice age, Martha would know how to tan dog hides to make a matching jacket and muffler. She could prepare frozen "meat" to make a tasty and quick meal. She could arrange an igloo to make room for entertaining the few people who were left.

Martha would survive. Heaven help us all!

If You Will...

I just really hate this phrase: "If you will..."

I mean really, what does it mean? I was listening to NPR the this morning and a guy who was being interviewed said "If you will" something like three times during a two minute response.

I hate "If you will..." It is like saying, "You are too dumb to understand what I really want to say, so I will make it easier for you."

Every time I hear, "If you will..." I want to shout, "What if I won't?"

Lightening From The Blue

Two people got fired from work in the past two days.

Now, I know they cannot say why these people got fired, but it definitely sent a chilling effect around the office. We all can't help but wonder, "Are we next?"

These people seemed to be doing their work well. At least I didn't see anything wrong. So we all are wondering if our head is on the block next.

I have said it before: I don't think I was cut out for corporate culture.

Current Events Rant

(DANGER! This is really disjointed. Stream of thought)

I have been thinking about a couple of things lately. The two are related although some may think it is a stretch. One is the Snickers commercial on the Super Bowl and the second is Ted Haggard’s miraculous trip through reparative therapy.

I guess first, I will talk about Pr. Haggard. How quickly was that reparation therapy? I know Jesus can do anything, but people spend years coming to the realization that reparation therapy doesn’t work in prayer to make a change in their sexual orientation. Now suddenly, Pr. Haggard is able to make the change in just three weeks. A miracle has happened to him!

But think of how much he has at stake in this “miracle:” He is the “chosenest” of God’s chosen. To validate the whole mega-church thing, Ted would have to propagate the idea that God has a special relationship with him; so God would, of course, answer his prayers quickest.

I feel it is almost like Ted is trying to get the “official” things over with so he can fade into the background. He goes to treatment and suddenly he is cured! Now he can go on with life without a lot of people watching. I may be wrong, but that is the feeling I am getting.

However, Pr. Haggard will never be able to fade into the background. He will be watched for the rest of his life. Especially since he had such a “miracle” change. People are going to be waiting for him to fall again.

The other thing is the whole Snickers fiasco. How could anyone in a leadership position NOT thing that commercial was offensive? And I am not just talking about it from a GLBT position.

The GLBT stuff is offensive enough. People would be willing to mutilate themselves and others just to prove they are not gay. As if being gay is so reprehensible that one would prefer to indulge in self-mutilation than be gay. Or one would rather drink noxious liquids (possibly poisonous, e.g. commit suicide) than be gay. That is totally offensive!

If the commercial had people committing suicide because they were black, then the whole country would be in an uproar. You would not be hearing people say, “Humor is subjective.” The boycott would be on and the president of M&M/Mars would be out on a rail.

But all we hear is hardly an apology. Yes, they have yanked the commercials and the web site, but is that enough. Are they yanking the commercials because they were wrong or because they will be bad for business?

But what both of these events are saying is that “We need to get rid of homosexuality at all cost!” We have to have divine intervention or pound it out of each other. We need to have it miraculously removed or kill ourselves. We have not gone as far as we hoped.

This is kind of rambling, sorry.

I Just Don't Get It.

I got called into the boss's office last Thursday. The boss handed me the case number and asked me to come see him when I had the chance. I checked the case and I remembered what happened: I user called with a problem that one of her programs were running slow. Now, we knew that one of the servers was running slow, but we were also told to troubleshoot the problem. So I troubleshot the problem. I assisted the woman in cleaning her cache and compacting her drive. I also told her how to clear some things from her computer so she would have have to reboot her computer when a program would not properly launch. The woman was extremely happy for the information.

I look at the case and tried to figure out what I did that would cause me to get called into the office. I couldn't think of any except maybe I told her the wrong thing in clearing the memory.

I went into the office and said, "So what did I do wrong?" My boss said, "Nothing, it was great customer service to help the woman tweak her computer." I thought, "Wow! I am going to get an 'atta boy' for doing somethin right!"

But then he continued, "But this was a known problem, so you should have cut your losses and just gotten off the phone."

????????????????

We are told almost daily that we are trying to be a "World-Class Service Desk," how does not helping the client make us World-Class? Aren't we there to assist the client? I can't believe I got called into the office for being too nice to a client.

Maybe I just don't understand the corporate world. I work for the "Hearding Cats" company and sometimes just working there feels like hearding cats.

I just have to remember, this is not a career, it is just a job. I will do my best, but I need not get overly upset. I guess I just get frustrated because I am a people pleaser and it just seems like there is no way to please anyone!

The trail continues

Well, some good things have been happening here! It is about time!

Nick and I were talking about the situation of the Episcopal student union at the local university. They currently do not have a priest and I currently do not have a call. Wouldn’t it work well if I could help fulfill their need?

Well, last Sunday, I was at church and one of the college students came up to me and told me that we needed to talk. No usually I am leery about these word, but I stopped and listened. She told me that the student union needed a priest and that I needed some experience in the Episcopal church. I said that she was right! I told her that I was about to call the bishop to see if there was some way we could tie these needs together.

She told me that she had already talked to the bishop and everything was ok. We are going to talk and see how our schedules can mesh.

I just about dropped over. Here was God working in the background while I thought nothing was happening.

So a new path is opening. I am excited to see where it is going.

My Blog

Check it out HERE

So I Ain't Normal

You Are 45% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Thanks to Wayne

Kick 'em When They're Down

I just don't understand mortgage companies. As most of you know who read my blog, I am having some difficulty in making my mortgage payments. Well, will all of this difficulty, what does my mortgage company do? Do they try to work with me so I can at least try to make payments? NO!

I got a letter yesterday telling me that my mortgage payment is going up! My mortgage went up about $200 dollars in October and is going to go up approximately another $100 dollars in March.

I get the feeling they smell blood in the water. So, since I am down, the company is going to keep stabbing.

What I find interesting is the lack of business sense this makes. If I had a permanent job, I would be looking for another mortgage company, but right now I can't. So I can't pay and they up my interest, if I could pay I would leave but I can't pay so I go into default: either way, they lose my account. This doesn't seem to make any sense to me.

Well, ah Duh!

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Thanks to Jimmy for the idea!

11 Months 'til Christmas

Or, maybe we could say, "1 month since Christmas."

I am always surprised how fast Christmas goes away. A month before Christmas I had my tree up already. Now, the tree is wrapped in a sheet and waits in the basement. But is it possible to keep that level of expectation, life, for more than a month or so?

We love the special days and seasons, but we need to have the down times. In the Roman Catholic church, they referred to the time as "Ordinary Time." In the Lutheran church, the time was either "Epiphany" or "Pentecost." Now granted, it helps us to know what was happening in the church year, but I still wonder if the RC folks have it right.

I think we need "Ordinary Time." We need to have time when nothing special happens. It is the times like the "Ordinary Times" that actually make up what is life. It is an interesting paradox; the "Ordinary Times" are the times that really are life. But we cannot just exist in "Ordinary Times." We need the special times to make life worth living. But we also need more than just the special. We need the "Ordinary Time" to recharge and regroup.

Sometimes I feel like life has not been "Ordinary Time" since I have started to come out. I would say especially since I came out to the senior pastor. There hasn't been a time when I could just kick back and relax.

Nick and I did take some time when I left the church, we spent some time at a cabin on "the lake," but it was not enough. Now, things are still going nuts and I feel constantly tired. I know it has got to get better, but for now, it seems long in coming.

Hope you are having an ordinary day!

Thoughts on being a person of faith.

This whole thing about the clergies’ place in the world has really gotten to me. I think the whole thing about the separation of lay and clergy leaves something to be desired. And yet, I am not sure I want to totally do away with the separation.

Maybe part of the problem is that we just don’t seem to understand moderation. We assume that if a person makes one off color joke, then that person is a pervert or something. I don’t know.

Maybe I find the “trappings” of being a clergy confining. I find that people will talk to me about things in their lives and things in their faith that they would never think of talking to a priest about. I find it sad that they would not talk to their priest about it, but the truth is as it stands. I find that I seem to fill a void in peoples’ lives.

A few years back when I was between calls, I also had some temp jobs. I was amazed at the number of people who said, “I wish I had a pastor like you.” But I wondered, would they really want a pastor like me? I think they like the concept but I think that they would try to push me into the old box, make me into a “Holy Joe.” I think a pastor outside of the box is possibly too challenging to most people. It is nice to think that what Jesus asks of us is just too much for most of us and can only be done by a few “special” people.

I think we see this in the Roman Catholic view of Mary as “Ever Virgin.” She is special, that is why she could endure so much. We are lowly, we could never do that.

Reply (Rant?) to an anonymous comment

"Father, 'We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.' -M. L. King "

This comment was left by an anonymous commenter on my limerick post. Now, the comment was made on MLK day, so it could have just been an MLK post, but I think the preamble, "Father" would make me think it was a judgement.

First: Please, if you wish to judge me, be considerate enough to take responsibility for your judgement. If you are not secure enough with your opinion to claim it, maybe you should not be passing it around yet.

Second: God made sexuality and God made humor. Have we really contemplated what Superman Sex would be like? My humor is part of who God made me to be. My sexuality is part of who God made me to be. My blog is where I chat with my friends. If my friends can't handle my humor, then...

Third: Do we expect more of our clergy than we expect of ourselves? If so, why? Maybe we should question the double standard.

Fourth: I think some of the problem with our churches today is that we have lost our sense of humor and we have lost touch with our humanity. We are human and God does not ask us to be anything more. I find that I actually seem to touch more people when I am not in a call than when I am. Maybe because people get to know know me as a person and not as a title.

Well, that was a bit of a rant. Sorry. Maybe Fr. Ben should not rant either. Maybe clergy should be just what the media portrays them to be: laughable, clueless, milk toast, bumbling, simpletons.

Kitty Addictions

We have a guest writer today! Claudia, one of Ben's (and now Nick's) cats takes to the keyboard.

Hello, My name is Claudia and I am a plastiholic.

I just can't help myself. If I see a plastic bag, I have to lick it. I just can't help myself. I feel ashamed when one of my dad's catches me doing it; but I would risk a scolding just to lick plastic.

And as I lick, I begin to chew. The feel of my fangs piercing the plastic just makes me purr! The thicker the plastic, the better I love chewing it! Oh, PURRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr...........

And if I can't find plastic, Styrofoam will do. Styrofoam is a little more dangerous. I have more chance of getting caught; the foam makes more noise when I chew on it and my dads are more likely to bust me.

But there is a new love in my life... BUBBLE WRAP! I can't help myself when it comes to bubble wrap! Oh the thrill of having my fangs pop all of those tiny little bubbles! On it is so great! I will go searching out bubble wrap. Even when my dad's put it up so I can't get to it, I search out that wonderful wrap! I will go searching on chairs and table just to find the wrap.

Sometimes I am so ashamed, but not often!

My name is Claudia, and I am a plastiholic.

New Poll

Vote on my new poll!

A Sunday Morning Limerick

There once was a man named Clark Kent

Who sperm out his penis had sent

When it hit Lois Lane

It shattered her brain

She should never have sucked on that gent.

Letters I Wish'd I Had Sent

This will probably make no sense to anyone out there, but "them's the breaks!"

Dear Subject Matter "Expert"

I am so sorry I asked you to do your job. You are paid to be the "expert" on the subject, so when I have a question, I would expect you to know the answer. Maybe that is too much to ask. I keep forgetting that you were the one who trained us, so, since you trained us, and we still don't know it, why should you know it now?

Just telling me "It's in the database," doesn't tell me that I am looking to create an "office location document." All that I know is that the little thingy on the bottom of the screen doesn't say, "Office." The database doesn't say, "How to make the little thingy on the bottom of the screen say office." So when I ask you for help, it is not because I am lazy, it is because I am being asked to do something that YOUR training didn't prepare me to do.

And making me feel like an idiot while I have a customer on the line is an ideal form of customer service. Let's make the customer wait while I learn my lesson. This is a great way to make our goal of being a "World Class Service Desk."

Maybe if during training you actually did some training instead of showing us on-line videos or talking about your sex life, we might know what a location document is and not have to come running to you for help. But you didn't teach us that. Frankly, you hardly taught us anything. Now, you get pissed when we ask you questions. Maybe we are pointing out just how bad a teacher you really are?

Don't you ever again just look at me like I am stupid and then walk away. I almost quit this evening, but it is not me who is doing the job badly, it is you who did a bad job of training and are now feeling pressed upon because we all are coming to you for help. Just because it is in the database doesn't mean I can find it. (And we won't even mention the stuff in the database that is over seven years out of date.) If I have not gotten enough training to let me know what to look for, I will NEVER find it! So asshole, when I ask for help, help me! We can have the "teachable moment" later. Now, there is a customer on the phone who is getting pissed. And I am getting pretty pissed too.

Living vs Existing

This has been the struggle of my past few days.

I go into work and count the hours until I leave. Then I go home and try to get some life in before going to bed. Then it is up the next day and back to work. Then it is the count until the weekend and the all too quick weekend and then back to work.

Is that all there is?

It seems to me that there has got to be something more. I feel like I am existing but I am not living. I want to look forward to the day, not dread the coming day. Joseph Campbell talks about "following your bliss" and that is what I want to do. I just don't know how to go about doing it.

I actually think selling the house may be a good thing. A smaller place with smaller payments opens the door to other jobs. If I don't need to make a ton of bucks to afford to live, maybe I can do more living.

Part of my problem, also, is that I am "flighty." Things capture my attention and then I am on to something else. I get bored with things quickly. I want to try to use this, cause that is the way God made me, instead of cursing it. Society tells me I should curse it, but what does society know? (Society told me I should be with a woman too!)

Humm....

Time to go to work.

Weekend Havoc

Well, it was a weekend.

Nick told how fast this weekend went. I almost feel like it didn’t happen! At least we were not driving all over eastern Michigan. I guess that was a good thing.

We got most of the Christmas stuff down, which is always a sad thing for me. I got teary realizing that this would probably be the last Christmas in my house. This is the first house I have ever bought and I had plans of staying here for a long time. So as I turned off the tree lights for the last time, it kind of hit me hard.

I was wondering why this would hit me so hard and why this would be so different than if I were just moving. If I were just moving, it would be a choice that I made. I feel that this is something that is happening to me. I know that I chose the path I am on, I just get so frustrated at the direction this path is moving.

When I moved into the house, I was planning on being here for a good long time. I had dreams of what I could do with this house. Now I have only been in the house for two years and it feels like my home is being dragged out from under me.

And then there are all the Christmas things tied into it. There is the hope that is drilled into us from a million Christmas movies that suddenly everyone will be nice, good, and loving. There is the expectation that the world will find peace and all of our problems will go away. There is Ebenezer Scrooge running through town in his nightshirt, all of his problems gone. But Christmas didn’t bring those gifts. The problems are still there and the deconstruction of the Christmas tree is a reminder that things will not be getting miraculously better. It was a hard jolt.

Nick keeps reminding me to trust that God is in this, and I do trust. But sometimes I get so tired. And then poor Nick has to listen to me lament when he is going through some pretty major transitions for himself. Sometimes this just blind-sides me.

I did go to the local Episcopal church this Sunday and I think it will be good. I can get back into the “church thing” and hopefully find a congregation. I am looking forward to being in a leadership position. It was also nice to be with Nick in a church, other than an MCC church, and be open about Nick being my partner. Actually, this weekend had many moments of Nick and I being a pair. That was nice.

I am going to end this now. Probably more later.

Trump on Today

I was watching the Trupster today on Today this morning, and the guy went down a whole lot of pegs in my book. Actually, so much that I’m thinking of deleting my TIVO programming for The Apprentice because of it.

If you didn’t see it, Meredith asked The Donald about the feud between he and Rosie O’Donnell. Good ol’ Donald proceeded to make comments about Rosie’s weight and comments that could only be categorized as homophobic.

Someone with that much power should not need to stoop to name calling. I may not have always agreed with the Trumpster, but at least he seemed to be a man of character. Now, I don’t know.

Angie's Is Open in Coral

I wanted to ask, “Ok, where is the camera hidden?”

For months, Nick and I have seen these signs all over the place stating, “Angie’s Is Open In Coral!” Now when I say all over the place, I mean even where two roads cross in the middle of a bunch of fields, there is a sign. And not just one sign on an intersection, multiple signs.

So, Nick and I decide to go to Angie’s for a late lunch, early dinner after moving a bunch of Nick’s stuff. I had driven through Coral earlier that day and saw a 5 ft. chalkboard telling that Angie’s had all you could eat fish for $4.50. We both thought this was a good deal so we went inside.

I should have just turned around and left upon entering. The place was dark and smelled of smoke. It reminded me of my Grandma’s kitchen but not nearly as welcoming. There was a sign over the cash register which said, “All You Can Eat Fish, $4.50. In the middle of the room was a table with a young girl and a little baby and a woman that I can only describe as a crone. The crone was smoking. There was a plasma screen TV along the far wall among stacked Christmas decorations. On the TV was the National Geographic show, “In the Womb Animals.” The show was dealing with the gestation and birth of an elephant. (Watching 250 lbs. of slimy baby elephant emerging from mama elephant’s nether regions really makes for a wonderful dining experience.)

We found a table as far as possible from the chimneys, which was hard considering they were sitting in the middle of the room. We sat down and the waitress came over and asked us what we would like. We both ordered the All You Can Eat Fish. We were both told that, “We only have that on Friday night.” We were then told if we would like it, the waitress guessed they could make some for us. We both decided to order from the menu.

I will have to say that the wet burrito I ordered and the chicken strips and fries Nick had were good. And for the price, it wasn’t too bad. But when one of the customer’s began to speak to us and I felt like it was Boomhauer from “King of the Hill,” I knew it was going to be the last time I went to Angie’s.

It was real, and it was fun, but it wasn’t real fun.

But I did learn that a baby elephant’s toe nails become soft before it is born so that it doesn’t rip up its mother’s birth canal. Now, you couldn’t have had lunch without knowing that!

Some Initial 2007 Thoughts

Well, Happy New Year!

When I look back, I really don’t know what I will feel about 2006. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the year of my discontent.”

I would like to say that 2006 was a horrible year. It was the year that I lost my job. It is the year I butchered my credit rating. It is the year I spent a fortune on cell phone bills. But it also was a great year. It was the year I grew closer to Nick. It is the year I came out to my family, friends, and congregation. It is the year I went to San Antonio. It is the year I became an Episcopalian. So good things and bad things have happened. In some ways, it is so yin-yang, some of the bad things had to happen for the good things to happen.

It is so hard to anticipate the good things when you are in the midst of the bad things. It is hard to trust in God when all around you God seems to be hiding. But it is that trust, that faith, that kept me going. (Well, faith and the strong arms and strong heart of Nick!) And it is that faith that keeps me going now.

I certainly hope this upcoming year is a whole lot easier than the last. But in saying that, I have probably jinxed myself. That would be the case if I believed in jinxes. But I do believe things will get better.

I hope for you all the New Year is challenging enough to be interesting but predictable enough to be comforting.

Happy New Year!

To all my cyber friends out there!

Happy New Year!

I hope this year brings you all much love, joy, and happiness!

Life Passing By

Someone I work with says that life is too short to work at a job you don’t like.

I wonder: Is he onto something or is he just too naïve to know better? I really hate living my life waiting for the time I can leave the job and then dreading the time when I have to go back. It seems like there should be more to life than just that.

There was the one guy, many years ago, who really convicts me. I forgot his name, but he said that everything we do, we should do it for the glory of God. I guess I am a bit too self-centered for that. I just wish I could get to the point of realizing that I can offer my day up as a gift to God.

I guess I just get too ADD. I want the good stuff to happen NOW! But I guess what I forget is the good stuff IS happening now. As that country song says, “This is the good stuff.”

I have four days off. That will hopefully be enough to allow me to again approach the job with some excitement.

First Walk Through

I had the realtor over today. We walked through the house looking at what needs to be done. (I mean other than just cleaning the place up.) Actually, it really does not need a lot of work. The house has a ton of character and we just need to play that up. Tons of stuff in boxes and those in the basement. Now, all we need is about three inches of snow to make the whole neighborhood look clean and crisp.

Nick moving in will help. He is bringing a bed and that can go in the spare, spare room to make it look more like a room. The spare room will stay an office, just a little cleaning to do there.

Nick Mentioned It, So I will Post It.

Nick posted about the glass Santa I made for him this Christmas. He loves it (or he is a good liar) and I am pretty proud of it.

Christmas Rehash

Christmas was really quite good this year. It was really different for me. I usually have a bunch of stuff to do during the Advent/Christmas/New Year season. There is usually the Advent stuff. There is the Christmas stuff. There is the Michigan Youth Gathering between Christmas and New Year. As a pastor, it was kind of a blur from the Sunday after Thanksgiving until I just about coughed my lung up from a cold after the first of the year.

This year, none of that happened. I did "direct" the choir at Nick's church during Advent, but that wasn't too bad. That is why I put direct into quotes; I just arranged practice, not much directing there. But for the most part, I could make Christmas presents, relax, and enjoy the season. And I am so happy I don't have to go and spend four days and three nights with a bunch of teens in a hotel.

I again spent this holiday with Nick's family. I spent Thanksgiving with his family and so it was more comfortable because not everyone was new. But you know, families are families. I had a good time.

I have to go to work tomorrow, but it should not be too bad, it is classes all day, so the worst thing will be trying to stay awake. I also have to work on Thursday, but since most of the GM people are gone, the phones should be pretty quiet.

Nick is on his way home right now. We are getting our heads around him moving in. I think it will be great! I am just a little afraid; I have lived alone for so many years I am afraid I may be too set in my ways. But I do want this to work. I know it will. Nick is so nice. (Ok, mushy stuff is over.)

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

As you find yourselves surrounded by wrapping paper, empty boxes, and screaming neices,nephews, parents, and partners, just take a moment to give thanks for the people and things around us.

This is the first Christmas I actually woke up next to someone. And no, it was not my brother as in Christmases past. I actually woke up next to someone who I loved. It was nice. Actually, I was questioning what I did to deserve such a good thing.
I remember past Christmases that were just the same-old, same-old. I was surrounded by my family, but I still felt alone. Now, I have a kitty lying next to me, a puppy sleeping near my feet and the man that I love wrapped in a blanket watching "A Christmas Story." It don't get much better than this.

Here is wishing that you are surrounded by what is important and special to you.

Merry Christmas!

That would be Fr. Ben to you!

(Heavy sigh of relief!)

Well, in a very brief ceremony in the conference room at Episcopal Central, I went from being, Pr. Benton, defrocked ELCA pastor to Fr. Benton, Episcopal Priest.

Due to changes in the canons of the ECUSA, the change-over had to happen quickly. So with two priest, the bishop, and me in the room, there was the laying on of hands, a few prayers, a poof of smoke (just joking!) and I was changed.

It kind of reminded me of a joke I heard:

Ole, a Norwegian Lutheran, moved into a neighborhood that was primarily Roman Catholic. It never ceased that on Fridays in Lent, Ole would be out back grilling venison. The odor of the meat would waft around the neighborhood and torment the good Catholics who were eating bland tuna casseroles. Finally, it was too much for the poor Catholics and they went to their priest and complained. The priest said, why don’t you invite Ole to church and we will convert him to Catholicism and then he will also have to eat fish on Friday and the problem will be gone. So the people began to invite Ole to church and Ole decided to join the Catholic Church. Eventually, it was Ole’s day to be baptized. Ole stood in front of the congregation, eager to start his new life as a Roman Catholic! The priest came up to Ole and said, “Ole, you were born a Lutheran,” sprinkled more, “and you were raised a Lutheran,” and a little more of a sprinkle, “but now you are a Catholic!” Everyone cheered and Ole grinned. The priest thought, “This should take care of that meat problem!” But again, Lent rolled around that the smell of venison was wafting over the neighborhood. The priest went to Ole’s house and found him with a big piece of venison on the grill. The priest was just about to say something when he saw Ole shaking salt on the meat saying, “You were born a deer, and you were raised a deer, but now you are a Walleye!”

Christmas Lights in Grosse Pointe

Let There Be Turds!

There were turds in the litterbox! No trip to the Vet! Life is good!

Turd Watch

It’s time for Turd Watch!

My cat, Madeline, is not feeling so good. She has mega colon which sounds like it should be something good but in effect is not so good. The crap just starts stacking up inside the cat and won’t come out. ( I bet you all could have gone through the day without that image.) So the poor kitty starts acting lethargic and gets really clingy.

The unfortunate thing about this that it usually costs over $100 a trip to “Pop the Poop.” It can get expensive!

Right now, Madeline is in the bathroom with a litter box, food, and water. I need to know if the “gifts” I find in the litter box downstairs are hers or Claudia’s. I hope to find a whole lot of crap in the box. That would be a good thing.

If there is none, I will need to take Madeline to the vet tomorrow morning before going to the Bishop’s office. I can hope.

Please Be Nice.

I think there are just some people who are nasty.

I work on a helpdesk which means people call me and I try to help them solve their problems. My job is to get them the best help in the least amount of time. I try to get the right techs to the right people. And I also try to track down the right help even if the person calls the wrong helpdesk.

But when you get people who call for help and then do everything in their power to prevent us from doing our job, is there anything else to call it than nasty? I want to say evil, but I will not go that far. But why would you call for help and then be totally mean to the person who is trying to help you? Shouldn't the person be nice to me? I am the one who can delay the sending of the tech.

Then there was the person who was complaining about having to wait 20 minutes on hold. I am sorry she had to wait, but what did she think I was doing? I was not sitting around having beer and pizza. I was trying to track down the proper help for her. She called the wrong place and I was trying to help. All she could do is complain. It is not like I just put her on hold and sat and did sudokus. I would have liked to, but I was really trying to help. Why would she be so nasty?

I though we were in the season of Christmas, Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All and all of that. I have not noticed people being nice, they actually seem more mean.

Maybe they are angry because they are at work while all their coworkers are gone. Maybe they are angry because they are at work and the computer fails. But maybe they ought to realize we are at work too and we don't like being treated as if we are just placed here to make their lives difficult.

When you are out and about, or calling to a helpdesk, be nice to these people. They are just trying to make a living.

Dayflate

Dayflate - verb

A contraction of the words "Day" and "Deflate."

What happens to those air-filled lawn decorations when the power is turned off during the day.

"Frosty looked like he had spent too much time in the sun in Maui when he was dayflated."

Thanks to Nick for coining the word.

My Seduction Style

Yeah!

I so want to say, "It's about time!" but I won't. I will just say, "Thank God and Thank Jesus!"

The Episcopals have finally moved! Friday I got a FedEx letter stating I had an appointment in Detroit on Wednesday and at the end of the appointment, I would be an Episcopal Father. Because of the change in polity that will go into effect on January 1, 2000 (and) 7 ( Sorry Nick!) that will make transferring much harder, the ECUSA wants to get the change in soon so that we can avoid a bunch of red tape.

I hope the frustration was worth it. At least there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Family Phots

One of my favorite Christmas Memories!

My uncle hands my Godmother a piece of paper and tells her to read it out lout.

So in her most dramatic voice, my Godmother says,

"It you think Burt Reynolds is hairy,

you should see Mike hunt!"

I was totally shocked! I was also 10 years old.

Christmas Traditions

Nick has been talking about Christmas traditions so I thought I would share some of mine.

When I was a kid, I would look forward to going to my Godparent's house. It was always a houseful of people. Often there was hardly any place to sit.

The bar and the food was downstairs. Now at the time, I didn't drink, but we still got to have pop on Christmas. For us, pop (or some might say "soda")was something that was a treat. So to be able to have pop was a special thing.

Then there were the kids who were my uncle's nieces and nephews. We only saw them on Christmas eve, but being kids, we made up for lost time quickly.

We would stay for quite a long time. Sometimes we would go to Church before the party, sometimes we would go to Midnight Mass. But we never opened presents on Christmas night. We had to wait until Christmas morning.

When my grandma was alive, it would be off to her house after church. We could pick some toy to take with us and we would be off. Another batch of cousins to see! And more pop!

Finally, it would be home to play ourselves silly with all the new toys we got from Santa.

What I have been doing

I have four more to go! (Click on photo for a better look.)

I haven't been ignoring you

Hi folks, I haven’t written much this past week. I have been busy/depressed and that is not a good combination for being very prolific.

My work schedule is ok. I go in at 10 am and come home at 6:30 pm. I like the ability to either sleep late or take a leisurely morning. I also like getting home before it is really late. However, it is not good for getting things done. It is hard to get people in the office before I go to work and people are gone by the time I get home.

I also have been making Christmas presents. Nick and I were invited to a Christmas gathering with a family from my former congregation. We are very happy to go, I just have to whip out a few Christmas presents. I have been able to get two ornaments done per night. It will slow down a little as I get to the end of the stockpile of pieces and have to produce all the pieces. But I think they look pretty good!

I had an appointment with my shrink, Arnie, today. Arnie is good for lighting a fire under my… uh, feet! He charged me up again.

When I left, I called the person in the ECUSA Bishop’s office and told him that I am willing to go anywhere in the country and I would like an appointment with him soon. If he doesn’t call back, I will call him tomorrow. I am tired of waiting for him. If I piss him off, maybe he will do something just to get me off of his back.

Pizza Party

Well, some wounds have healed, some have not.

I just got back from the beer and pizza party held in my honor by the guys from the Saturday morning Bible study group from my former congregation. It was a good time but it was also difficult. It was hard to talk to people around a table in a restaurant. It was also hard to keep up a smiling face when I was worrying about how to prepare the house to sell. It was nice to see all the people and know that their lives have gone well but it was hard knowing that I was less and less in those lives.

The situations of life have gotten to me lately. I have come to the decision that I will be selling my house. It was a hard decision to make but there really was no other option. I can't make mortgage payments, so moving is the only option.

I am sitting with these people whose lives have gone on pretty much unruffled while my life is falling apart. And what is the difference between us? I love someone who the people who tell me Jesus loves me now says Jesus hates me because I love this person.

At this point, I really don't even know what I want to say.

Monday Chuckle

Happy Holidays

I found this over at Straight, Not Narrow. I would have provided a link but I counld not quite figure out how to do it so I just decided to post the whole post. I think Jim is right on the mark with this and don't we have better things to get upset about.

Merry Christmas...Or Not
The folks at the American Family Association are upset. They want everyone to have a Merry Christmas whether they want to or not! Here's their latest release:

Gap, which owns Old Navy, Banana Republic, Forth & Towne and Piperlime, has become the latest politically correct retailer, intentionally censoring the use of "Christmas" in their in-store, online and printed advertising.

Instead of referring to the season as Christmas, Gap instead uses the word "holiday." As hard as we tried, AFA could not find a single instance in which Gap-owned stores use the term "Christmas." Not a single time!

When one Old Navy store manager was asked by AFA if the word Christmas was in his store, he answered, "We have a lot of Christmas gifts in our stores, but the word Christmas is not used here. Everything is 'holiday.'"

Gap wants you to do your Christmas shopping with them, but they don't want to mention the Reason for the season. Gap doesn't want to offend non-Christians by using Christmas. The fact that their censoring the use of Christmas might offend Christians seems to be of no importance.

I've given the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Hollidays" a lot of deep thought and reached this
conclusion:

Who gives a crap.

Really, why does any organization waste valuable time and money worrying about how you are greeted at a retail establishment? Is anyone really shallow enough to believe that a "Merry Christmas" greeting will instill the Christmas Spirit in anyone?

As Apostle Dale eloquently preached at our church this past Sunday, the spirit of Christmas is all about understanding why Christ was born on earth and why he wilfully gave his life for our salvation. That spirit is not something that can be generated externally--it must come from within our own hearts from an understanding of how Jesus loves us.

If we embrace that, we don't need someone to wish us "Merry Christmas."

If we don't understand what Christmas is truly about, it doesn't really matter what anyone says, does it?

I hope to have a home like this

Six Weird Things About Me

I was tagged by Lemuel to share

Six Weird Things About Me!

1. The letters on the keys of my keyboard are not (for the most part) the same as the letter they type. The letters that are typed are the typical "QWERTY" layout, but the layout the keys show are the Dvorak layout. I had tried to learn how to type in this layout because it was supposed to be faster and better for you (less carpal tunnel) than the standard layout. But I had to think too hard about where the letters were to be able to compose at the keyboard. It made it really hard to write sermons.

2. I really don't like wearing clothes. I am not secure enough about my body to be a nudist in public, but I often walk around my house without clothes.

3. I like potato chips on my tuna salad sandwiches.

4. I have most of the original Partridge Family albums on vinyl. (I used to think I had all of them but I just found out I was missing three. Who knew they produced that many! The Christmas album is really bad!)

5. It drives me nuts when people qualify the word "unique" as in, "That was quite unique." Unique means "one of a kind." Something either is one of a kind or not one of a kind. Something cannot be "quite" one of a kind or "somewhat" one of a kind. It especially drives me nuts when I hear it on commercials.

6. I actually pay attention to, and sometimes sing along with, muzak in stores.

I will tag:

Ur-spo at Spo-Reflections

Milton at Don't Eat Alone

Mikey at Captain Caveman

Steve at A Rainbow Flag In Narnia

Christmas Comes Too Fast

I have decided that is part of the whole Christmas problem. If just comes too fast! Even with Christmas starting back in September, it still comes too fast.

When I was young, Christmas would never come. The anticipation would be almost deadly. The time from Thanksgiving to Christmas would last so long. Christmas would never come. And then there was Christmas Eve, the longest night in the history of kiddom.

The anticipation of childhood is no longer there. The magic of Christmas is no longer there. It doesn't take forever for Chirstmas to get here. Christmas comes too fast.

I miss that expectation, that anticipation. I miss the wait. As a child, the wait is pure possibility. Santa could bring anything. Although I couldn't name it at the time, the present under the tree was almost better than the present opened. Once the present was opened, the possibility was ended and the reality began.

But that time up to the opening of the presents, that time was wide open. The present could be a race track, or an Erector set, or a game. Just speculating was magic.

Now, the possibilities are so much more circumscribed. I can't be anything. The boxes do not hold the unimaginable. And I guess I miss that.

I don't know why the meloncholy, I guess I just must be getting the post Christmas blues early. Even that comes too fast.

States I've Visited

Saw this over at The Greedy Maelstrom who saw that Spider had it and I thought it was fun.


create your own visited states map

A Marvelous Machine

I find the human body to be quite the incredible thing. Just think about it: as I type, I am not jamming my fingers onto the keys, I am just using enough force to depress the key. I am not thinking about this amount of force, I am just doing it. And I am moving my fingers to the proper keys (most of the time!) without having to think about it.

Even something as small as throwing a piece of paper into the trash is a wonder of engineering. I have to weigh the object. Figure ballistic trajectory. Flex my muscles the appropriate amount and let go at the proper spot. I guess more than just engineering but physics too.

I was walking with a cup of coffee and started thinking of how I had to counter the jar of my walking to prevent the coffee from spilling. It is just amazing.

One of My Favorite Songs

How Could You?

Concert

Well, the big concert was last night. I was really pretty good, if I do say so. We really peaked at the right time and the doubts some had about whether we were going to pull it off were unrealized.

A new one for those of you who sing in choirs, yes, they tell you to not wear cologne or perfume, but they should also tell you not to eat anything with garlic. The guy who was standing next to me had garlic wafting off of him all night. It didn't make the singing hard, per se, but I had this strange craving for fettuccine by the end of the concert.

I was sad that Nick was not able to make it to the concert, but I didn't want him in a ditch somewhere.

I got to see a few folks from my previous congregation and that was very nice. I also got treated to a late dinner by some people from my former congregation.

All in all, it was a nice night.

And now, for Nick, here is the picture:

The Christmas Meme

1.Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
I LOVE Eggnog, unfortunately, good eggnog is not good for me! I even like it without the rum!

2. Did you ever do anything for Santa?
I wrote letters and left milk and cookies. We also left carrots and sugar for the reindeer.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
A little bit of both. I like putting white lights deep inside the tree, it gives the tree an inner glow.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope, I like to kiss just about anywhere.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
I usually put things up the weekend after Thanksgiving. But to be truthful, there are usually some Christmas decorations up somewhere in my house all year round. I will usually take them down the first weekend after the Feast of the Epiphany (which also happens to be my brother’s birthday, 6 Jan.).

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Chex Mix!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
I’m going to cheat, I have two favorites: The first one is when we were kids visiting Santa and Santa looked at my mom and said, “Rita, have the kids been good this year?” We just about died! MOM KNEW SANTA AND THEY WERE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS!! Actually, the person who was working for Santa (wink, wink) was in my mom and dad’s wedding, but we didn’t know that then. My other favorite memory was being at my aunt’s house on Christmas eve and leaving the warm (sometimes very warm) house and looking up in the sky to see if we could find Santa.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I found some “presents from Santa” when I was in either first or second grade.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
For a while, we could only open one present on Christmas Eve. Then for a while, we moved to opening them all on Christmas Eve because that was the only time all the family could get together.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
I would describe it as “Down Home Memories.” Just about every ornament has a story.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it.
It’s the most wonderful stuff on Earth!

12. Can you ice skate?
Can I? Yes. Do I? No.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I think one of my favorite gifts was a thing called “Cascade.” It was a thing where you would set up these mini-trampolines (like 3 inches in dia.) and then there was this tower that would carry a bunch of marbles to the top and drop them on the trampolines. If you did it right, the balls would bounce from one tramp to the next and land in a capture box where they would roll down a track back to the tower. It was fun!

14. What's the most exciting thing about the holidays for you?
The most exciting thing about the holidays is seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time. Just catching reliving old memories and making new ones.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
I love the cookies. My mom would make these great sour cream cookies. I don’t get them anymore since I live so far away.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
I loved going to my godparent’s house for Christmas Eve. There was a wonderful combination of wanting to be at the party but wanting to get home because Santa was coming. That wonderful feeling of being pulled into two equally positive directions. I didn’t appreciate it then and I doubt I will ever feel that feeling again.

17. What tops your tree?
A reproduction of the tree topper my grandma used to have on her tree. I just about died when I saw it in a store. My mom and my aunt could not believe I found it.

18. Which do you prefer give or receive?
I love to give. I enjoy trying to find just the right thing or making something specifically for someone.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Mannheim Steamroller’s Stille Nacht is one of my very favorites. Their “big” version of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen also is necessary for it to feel like Christmas. I also like The Christmas Waltz and Karen Carpenter singing Merry Christmas Darling.

20. Candy Canes?
I like candy canes, but starlight mints are easier.

World AIDS Day

When I think of AIDS, I think about the time I spent as a chaplain at an AIDS clinic in Houston. I was expecting the place to be sad and depressing. What I found were a group of people who were strong and courageous; people who were not dying, but living.

One of the things that I notice is in "the normal world," when someone is diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, the question that lies just below the surface is, "How did they get it?" But in the AIDS clinic, how you got infected was the last thing people worried about. The infection was a fact, all the whispers of sex or drugs useless. I am not saying that being informed as to how you can become infected is unimportant, but we need to move beyond the adolescent snickering.

My former brother-in-law is HIV positive. He tried to tell his family and then had to "recant" because his family did not want to acknowledge that he was involved in risky behavior. Because the family saw HIV as a "gay disease," the fact that my b-i-l used IV drugs couldn't even be considered. It is ignorance like this that helps to keep the disease spreading.

Get information. Get information to those who need it. Help our kids know that AIDS is real, it may not be on the front pages like it was when I grew up, but it has not gone away.

A bit rambling, maybe, but in the end, to paraphrase the motto of Act Up , Ignorance = Death.