Monday, January 08, 2007

Weekend Havoc

Well, it was a weekend.

Nick told how fast this weekend went. I almost feel like it didn’t happen! At least we were not driving all over eastern Michigan. I guess that was a good thing.

We got most of the Christmas stuff down, which is always a sad thing for me. I got teary realizing that this would probably be the last Christmas in my house. This is the first house I have ever bought and I had plans of staying here for a long time. So as I turned off the tree lights for the last time, it kind of hit me hard.

I was wondering why this would hit me so hard and why this would be so different than if I were just moving. If I were just moving, it would be a choice that I made. I feel that this is something that is happening to me. I know that I chose the path I am on, I just get so frustrated at the direction this path is moving.

When I moved into the house, I was planning on being here for a good long time. I had dreams of what I could do with this house. Now I have only been in the house for two years and it feels like my home is being dragged out from under me.

And then there are all the Christmas things tied into it. There is the hope that is drilled into us from a million Christmas movies that suddenly everyone will be nice, good, and loving. There is the expectation that the world will find peace and all of our problems will go away. There is Ebenezer Scrooge running through town in his nightshirt, all of his problems gone. But Christmas didn’t bring those gifts. The problems are still there and the deconstruction of the Christmas tree is a reminder that things will not be getting miraculously better. It was a hard jolt.

Nick keeps reminding me to trust that God is in this, and I do trust. But sometimes I get so tired. And then poor Nick has to listen to me lament when he is going through some pretty major transitions for himself. Sometimes this just blind-sides me.

I did go to the local Episcopal church this Sunday and I think it will be good. I can get back into the “church thing” and hopefully find a congregation. I am looking forward to being in a leadership position. It was also nice to be with Nick in a church, other than an MCC church, and be open about Nick being my partner. Actually, this weekend had many moments of Nick and I being a pair. That was nice.

I am going to end this now. Probably more later.


Anonymous said...

have great joy in your being a pair!h

Ur-spo said...

it is sad to think of a 'last christmas' in any location, particularly if it is ending 'not as planned'.
Still, this year's christmas may be the most exciting and blessed one ever? I hope so for you.