Well, the situation with the Stage Mom is STILL the gift that keeps on giving. She is not even present and she is exerting pressure. This one happened in a really weird way.
I was at a meeting and one of the board members asked me if I went to visit anyone over the past month. I had not. (To my defense, I had not heard of anyone in the hospital (except Stage Grandmother and that was a month earlier) and I didn't know of any shut-ins nor could I find a list.) The board member asked that I go visit a former priest from the church. I said I would check into it. (I must admit it felt like an odd request.)
I later asked the board member if the former priest asked for a visit and wanted a little more info. I explained I didn't mind visiting the guy, I just was not sure why I was going.
The board member said that he just wanted me to go visit and if I wasn't going to visit the priest, at lest I should have visited Stage Grandmother! I almost went ballistic! (This man is not realted to Stage Grandmother.) Unfortunately, I get defensive, saying I would have visited if I would have known! To which the board member said, "Hit a nerve, huh?"
I said something to the cong President, and his response was, "Oh, Stage Mom has talked to Former Secretary." (Board Member's wife is Former Secretary.)
I couldn't believe the jump from visiting Former Priest to visiting Stage Grandmother! If people are pissed, why don't they just say it! People, just grow up! And I can be sure that Board Member is pissed at me because I made it clear that I was NOT going to hire his wife back. I said that I WOULD NOT hire from the congregation. Playing catty games of "Blemish" is not going to make me more amenable to rehiring Former Secretary. I really want to just sit the person down and say, "Do you realize you are just shooting yourself in the foot?"
I had forgotten about Eric Berne's book "Games People Play" until just that past paragraph. But it does hold. Blemish is a game where you just look for a flaw to exploit. It is usually comes from soneone who feels like they have no power.
Well, I am going to start a program of having people give me an actual form for visitation. Telling me when walking out of the church does not cut it. It may have worked for other priests, but I am not the other priests. If I don't get it in writing, it ain't gonna happen!
I think it would be very very challenging to step into a church as so many will want you to be melded into mold of the previous priest, or use the opportunity to make you a creation of the church
Our last pastor took the stand of holding his own - some left, but the church stayed, slightly different than before - but really not much different.
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