Greetings and Salutations,
Thanks for your kindness. My shrink is also happy that I have found a confidant.
(I typed this once but it disappeared into eletronic ether) After talking with my shrink, I am really considering finding a different denomination. It will take another 4-8 years for anything to happen again with the ELCA. The thought of living in duplicity for that long is too tiring.
Even though I live in a fairly large city(about 500,000 people), as a pastor I am still known in public. A long distance relationship is also difficult considering the cost of gas and the large amounts of time we pastors have off (ha ha!).
I consider my therapy appointments almost sacramental. I feel more like I have confessed and have been forgiven when I leave then I ever did when I was Catholic and went to confession. It is wonderful to be able to express all those things I feel would cause people to reject me if they knew and then be told that I am still loved and respected.
Thanks to you, too. Sorry if I keep stating this, but when you grow up thinking that your life was a mistake and that you are "damaged", someone you can be "real" with is a special treasure.
Peace and Blessings,
I'm glad to hear that you do sometimes get to see some light your life. I can understand your thinking about changing denominations, and probably would be doing the same in similar circumstances.
I think it's great that you have that sort of relationship with your therapist. It's nice to feel forgiven and loved.
As for me, I think I'm familiar enough with feeling like a "mistake" and "damaged". I think I might be helpful because I can sympathize, if not empathize, with your position. Not precisely, but definitely close by in the neighborhood. I am happy to listen, and thank you for the blessing this conversation is. It helps me in ways you aren't even aware.