Friday, May 11, 2012

A Little More Info

Well, as you could tell from my last post, I did not get the call to the church I had been supplying at for the past 5 months.  It kind of feels like a slap in the face.  The people always seemed nice.  They always made it a point of telling me how much they liked my sermons.  I enjoyed chatting with them and they seemed to enjoy chatting with me.  Many have said that they hope I am the person who is called.

This church had sat for almost two years without anyone even applying for the position.  I was told that after I applied, they had gotten another application.  There was a comment about not being able to contact this person to even get an interview.

And yet, I got the "Dear Ben" letter.

I guess I should see this as another opportunity, but it really doesn't feel that way.

What I have to wonder is if this is something that I should even be doing.  Now part of the mythology is that "One is supposed to wait on God."  But the question becomes, "How long?"  When is it a matter of wills:  I want to do the church things so I just keep knocking my head against the same wall.

But, truthfully, I am finding that when I look at the church, I see something in its death throws.  Those who are in it seem to want to keep it as a private club or as some way of showing to themselves that they are better than everyone else.  It has lost its role as the standard bearer for justice in the world.  (Not that it ever had that role.)  I also have been feeling that to be a leader, I have to pretend to be something I am not.

Who knows, maybe I will be more mentally healthy if I can once again claim my "wild child" side.  (Yes, there is one!)

Yes, I think my being turned down was, in part, due to being gay.  Now I am not trying to scream "Wolf."  This church did have a gay priest before, but the man was not partnered.  I think it might be easier for the congregation to accept things when they do not see the priest's husband at church every Sunday, or the priest does not refer to him in a sermon.  IDK, I am just speculating here.  And speculation really does not make anything better.

I just want to put the whole church thing behind me.  I will be paying for the (usless) degree for many years to come.  But if I want to get the loan paid, I will need to find a different line of employment.


Ur-spo said...

I am sorry.

I have seen a few churches fold or go belly up merely because the 'elders' don't want to change or work anything to make it endure. THey prefer to see its demise rather.

Jeffrey said...

"This church had sat for almost two years without anyone even applying for the position."

Wow - and you would WANT to work with those people?Oh, hon - run away!