Well, I got a pretty decisive answer from the larger church today: There is nothing in this area for me. So after waiting four months on the assumption that I was going to have a call, we are back to where we were four month ago. Only this time we do not have a savings account to fall back on.
As Nick and I were discussing options, my mom called. She asked how things were going. I told her that we had enough money to get us through October but then we were broke. She said, "I don't know what I can do for you." (Now, remember they have a bedroom in the basement of their house; but for Nick and I to move in would "kill Dad.") So once again, I feel abandoned by the church and I feel abandoned by my family. Those things that we are to count on during times of trouble are not there.
Frankly, I don't believe what I have preached anymore. I know I have said that in the past, but it is getting harder and harder to bounce back. The logical person in me says that all this talk of peace, love, and a loving god is purely a way for us to avoid the terror of our mortality. Yes, we are going to all pass into nothingness and this will all become a cold cinder a degree or two above absolute zero.
Thanks to the blow ups of last March., I feel even more distant from my family. They say that I don't interact and then when I do, I get yelled at. Now that we are again approaching a cliff, I can't even confide in my family. My mother gives a nervous laugh when I say anything, and my siblings don't care. Again, we need to rely on the generosity of friends.
And I just got the note from the larger church telling me that my insurance was going to be up at the end of September but if I wanted to pay $400 a month, I could have insurance. Oh joy! Where am I going to get that money?
I posted something about trying to find a job and had a "friend" say, "Why don't you ask Obama, he is supposed to be making jobs." Using my plight as political fodder is not ok.
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