Friday, September 16, 2011

Chapter 7: The Saga Continues

Well, I got a pretty decisive answer from the larger church today:  There is nothing in this area for me.  So after waiting four months on the assumption that I was going to have a call, we are back to where we were four month ago.  Only this time we do not have a savings account to fall back on.

As Nick and I were discussing options, my mom called.  She asked how things were going.  I told her that we had enough money to get us through October but then we were broke.  She said, "I don't know what I can do for you."  (Now, remember they have a bedroom in the basement of their house; but for Nick and I to move in would "kill Dad.")  So once again, I feel abandoned by the church and I feel abandoned by my family.  Those things that we are to count on during times of trouble are not there.

Frankly, I don't believe what I have preached anymore.  I know I have said that in the past, but it is getting harder and harder to bounce back.  The logical person in me says that all this talk of peace, love, and a loving god is purely a way for us to avoid the terror of our mortality.  Yes, we are going to all pass into nothingness and this will all become a cold cinder a degree or two above absolute zero.

Thanks to the blow ups of last March., I feel even more distant from my family.  They say that I don't interact and then when I do, I get yelled at.  Now that we are again approaching a cliff, I can't even confide in my family.  My mother gives a nervous laugh when I say anything, and my siblings don't care.  Again, we need to rely on the generosity of friends.

And I just got the note from the larger church telling me that my insurance was going to be up at the end of September but if I wanted to pay $400 a month, I could have insurance.  Oh joy!  Where am I going to get that money?

I posted something about trying to find a job and had a "friend" say, "Why don't you ask Obama, he is supposed to be making jobs."  Using my plight as political fodder is not ok.

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