I haven't written in a while. I don't know if I even have anyone reading this. Oh well, it is more for me anyway. If others can get something out of it, great!
It keeps becoming more and more real the fact that I will be leaving my congregation. I don't want to leave but I cannot stay either. I just hate the feeling of being up in the air. I also hate that now that I have finally found myself and have begun to love myself, the church I serve does not love me.
How does my sexuality effect the congregation? Do I preach differently now that I have gay sex? Actually, it seems that I have been preaching better. Would the congregation prefer that I remain miserable and celebate instead of having a shot at being happy?
I am sure there are some who would say that I am placing too much emphasis on sex and should give it up for God. Of course these people go home on Sunday afternoon and have sex with their spouses. It is easy to place this sentence on someone else.
I am happy Nick has been there to listen to me whine. He has been great! I know I must get tedious, but he patiently listens (he is a pastor too). Sometimes it is knowing that he is there that keeps me going.