Well, I know I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I have not been writing because I have not been in the best of moods and I get tired of being a total downer.
At least I have started to get more preaching Sundays. This helps to keep me "in practice" and making some money. It is nice, but it lacks the ability to get to know people and become part of a community. I have been going to Nic's church, and that has been nice. But I always feel like I can't really engage because I am so often away.
I hope to have some deep thoughts for you all later, but just wanted to stop by to say, "Hi!"
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Spleen Venting
Well, I got another "Dear Fr. Ben" letter from a congregation. I got denied from cover letter and resume alone.
It makes it really hard to keep going. I keep wondering if this is the thing I should be doing and then it seems that I keep running into roadblocks. One can only keep going and trusting for so long before the question needs to be asked, "Maybe the GPS has the wrong directions?"
My clergy career has been rocky, at best. It has been strewn with ghosts of past alcoholic pastors, power hungry secretaries, rude congregational volunteers, and various children dressed in adult suits. Really, it shouldn't be this hard.
And now, I feel pained into a corner because my other skills in the psych area are a bit rusty. I would have trouble going back into the field just from dusty credentials. So what I have done doesn't seem to want me any more, and my longer past is no longer up to date. I feel like I have nothing that I can do and I am still paying on my degree that allowed me the "privilege" of working in the church.
Going back to school would incur more debt, but I also do not want to go back to Starbux, I think if I had to continually serve "Upside-down Caramel Macciatos," I would, in not kill someone, at least serious scald someone.
I have got to wonder if I even want to be associated with "Christian" no days. What passes for Christian in no way represents what I believe. I feel that congregations just want to be little "Drama Centers" or little fiefdoms. It seems that people don't really want to be about the work of Christ, but they want to claim to be.
I know I keep crying "wolf" about ditching the clergy thing, but it is a constant presence in my mind. I am notorious for getting into crusades, and I wonder if the whole priest thing was just another crusade that I tossed my life after.
I am getting tired of doing nothing. I have to get some kind of discipline in my life, but it is hard. Everything just seems to take on a "why bother" aura.
It makes it really hard to keep going. I keep wondering if this is the thing I should be doing and then it seems that I keep running into roadblocks. One can only keep going and trusting for so long before the question needs to be asked, "Maybe the GPS has the wrong directions?"
My clergy career has been rocky, at best. It has been strewn with ghosts of past alcoholic pastors, power hungry secretaries, rude congregational volunteers, and various children dressed in adult suits. Really, it shouldn't be this hard.
And now, I feel pained into a corner because my other skills in the psych area are a bit rusty. I would have trouble going back into the field just from dusty credentials. So what I have done doesn't seem to want me any more, and my longer past is no longer up to date. I feel like I have nothing that I can do and I am still paying on my degree that allowed me the "privilege" of working in the church.
Going back to school would incur more debt, but I also do not want to go back to Starbux, I think if I had to continually serve "Upside-down Caramel Macciatos," I would, in not kill someone, at least serious scald someone.
I have got to wonder if I even want to be associated with "Christian" no days. What passes for Christian in no way represents what I believe. I feel that congregations just want to be little "Drama Centers" or little fiefdoms. It seems that people don't really want to be about the work of Christ, but they want to claim to be.
I know I keep crying "wolf" about ditching the clergy thing, but it is a constant presence in my mind. I am notorious for getting into crusades, and I wonder if the whole priest thing was just another crusade that I tossed my life after.
I am getting tired of doing nothing. I have to get some kind of discipline in my life, but it is hard. Everything just seems to take on a "why bother" aura.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Thoughts on Marriage
The whole marriage thing had a bit of cloak-and-dagger about it. My family had let me know previously that the whole "two men getting married" was just a little too weird for them. They have always treated us well, and when we visit, we are not excluded from anything, but they do not seem to be able to fit their world view around the concept that Nic and I not only want to live together, but we want our relationship recognized like any other couple. So we arranged for a local, gay-friendly pastor to do a small service and to sign the papers. We are planning an affirmation of vows later at Nic's church.
It is just kind of sad that we could not celebrate our love for each other in the manner as the rest of the world. But it is what it is. And we still have the problem of being legal in Iowa and other states that recognize same-sex marriage, but not recognized in other states nor on a national level.
But, even with all of this, I am MARRIED! The man that I love and I have declared to the world that we intend to stick together until "death do we part."
And that is something to smile about!
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