Well, it seems to be one of those nights were everything is going through my head and nothing seems to want to slow down enough to let me sleep.
The biggest problem lately seems to be the problem of finding a job. Two weeks before Christmas is not a good time to be job hunting. Also, jobs within the church as about as plentiful as compassionate republicans. It just gets so frustrating to think that ten years of college is just sitting here playing CastleVille.
I did, at least, get the glass unpacked. Now I am able to make some things. At least if feels like I am doing something! Otherwise I just sit here and feel like life is futile. We don't have MSNBC so I have not gotten upset about all the crap that is going on in the world, but it still feels like no one in the world is happy.
Christmas is coming but I really am not looking forward to it. All it seems like is a conspiracy to show just how little money we have. They talk about giving huge gifts but most of the gifts this year will be the "Thank God we can be together" type.
I am still batting around the idea of leaving the church behind. It really has not been a pleasant journey for me. I know I keep saying that, but I really don't see any way out. I know that I am supposed to live on God's time, but that is becoming harder and harder to do. And I also feel like I am trapped here. How can I start a new career path at 47? I am still trying to pay off the school loans from my previous foray into school.
I am so far at the end of my rope I feel like I just need to give it a good swing and let go. I don't really know what else to do. For those of you out there with a good job, thank the Lord. If you are working part-time with no benefits, ask how this came to be and let's all do something about it.