Sunday, October 02, 2011

Surgery Dilemma

I heard something on the radio a few weeks ago and it got me thinking:  What would you do if you knew you had to have a surgery that would save your life but would permanently diminish your intellectual capacity?

Sometime I wish I could have that surgery.  I would like to know what it feels like to consider a 12 pack and NASCAR a good weekend.  I would like to know how it feels to be able to get mine and walk away leaving everyone else to fend for themselves.  I would like to know what it was like to really not care at all what was happening in the world.  I would like to know what it was like to be content knowing that I am taken care of and that everyone else who is still struggling deserves it.  I wonder what it feels like to know that God loves me so I am going to heaven and the rest of you will rot in hell.

I long for some surety in life.  I long for things to be black and white.  I am sick of caring.

I think I would have the surgery.  Right now, I crave a simpler life.  I crave one where I just need to look out for Nick and I and that is it.

Oh the thoughts of a wide awake brain in a tired body.

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