Tuesday, September 12, 2006
If I Told You...
Well, I made it through the work day I dreaded. I have to admit that I am a bit sore. I am not getting any younger.
I had to sign all kinds of confidentiality wavers so all the great corporate secrets I learned (yeah, right) I cannot sell on e-bay. Actually, all I did was check to see if the attachment thingy (love thoes technical terms!) was ok so the wiring could be used in a car. It was not bad except for the bending and the lifting. Lifting 30 pounds of wiring gets kind of old. I am getting too old.
I am still a little (little!) worried about bills coming due. I was walking through my house wondering if I will be able to keep it. My house is a 1929 Cape Cod and I love it! It is brick with arched doors and a fireplace.
But I now am in the place where I may lose my house.
This is the first house I ever bought. I bought it when I figured I would never meet a woman and would never get married so I might as well get about making a life. I was in a good congregation and I found a house I loved! (It even has gargoyals!) I wanted to just get on with life insead of waiting.
Unfortunately (unfortunately?) in getting on with my life, I found out what I was really about. So now I am faced with losing what I have finally achieved. My neurosis says, "See, you deserve to have anything nice."
Another part of me says that if I only had kept my mouth shut, I would still have my call, my congregation, and my house, the ability to not constanly worry how I am going to pay all my bills. I would still have Nick but I would also have a job!
Sorry, I am kind of whiney today. Too much in the "Unknown" column. But if we think about it, isn't most of life in the "Unknown" column. Isn't it just a illusion that we have any kind of control?
Have a great day. Hug someone close to you. I would be my huggee is about 100 miles away.