This is something that I never expected: I notice that letters and cards that I have been getting from my congregation have not been making me feel better. If anything, they have been making me more angry.
Let me explain; I get a card and there are very kind words about how sorry the sender will be to see me go. Words of how the sender has loved me and how I have helped the sender grow. Then there is wish for God to bless me and my ministry in the future. Ok, that is so very kind. People took time out of their lives to send me good wishes. And for that I am very thankful.
What angers me is the resignation I feel in the cards. "Oh well, we like him but 'ta ta!'" There is a feeling that what is happening is inevitable.
What I feel is "this is not inevitable!" If there people are sad that I am leaving, then do something! Be an active element in this! Don't just sit back and allow the world to turn around you. If you don't like it, change it!
Until the heterosexual population realize that this struggle is their struggle, nothing will happen. This congregation is going through this pain of change because of a rule that is based in ignorance and fear. This congregation is going through the expense of finding another pastor because of a rule that most (or at least those who voiced an opinion) disagree with. In this case, my struggle has become their struggle.
I am angry because people whom I considered my friends seem to care less that a stupid rule is causing me so much pain.
Ohh...that sounds harsh.
Maybe they don't know what they can do to make a difference. I would prefer to think that people don't know. For some of these people, I am sure this is the first time they have encountered such problems. For some, I may be the first gay person they have ever known.
I hate myself for getting angry in the face of peoples' kindness. Maybe I need to remember this feeling to see how I can use my passions to make life better for ALL people.
2 comments:
Ben,
Recently Steve and I watched the movie entitled "Priest".
The movie as made in 1995, and depicts the life of a Catholic priest, Father Greg Pilkington, suddenly has his world turned upside down when he's forced to keep a tragic secret told to him by a young parishioner in the sanctity of the confessional.
He must choose between his faith and exposing the truth, and his world becomes one of lies and betrayal as he proceeds to confront his own hidden secret - that he is gay.
In the movie you see how his life goes down the tube, as the "church and believers in Christ" turn their back on him.
What we found to be so strong in that movie - was the homily/sermon of the senior priest in the church where Father Greg pastors.
The senior priest asks, "Does God give a damn, what a man does with his penis?"...in view of wars, famine, pestilence and all the rest. The senior priest goes on to chastise the faithful - that the church has lost it's compassion and love for mankind - by allowing hypocrites and pharisees to run the church from their positions of power.
The message of the movie is strong...God's love needs to once again regain prominence in the lives of the so called "faithful"...and Christ's love needs to start radiating from the followers.
The very essence of the church today - is that it in many instances the church has lost Christ's love for one another.
As men all over the world open up their lives and share their very inner secret lives - the church and mankind is not equipped to realize that - just perhaps - men are born the way they are - as gay men, with different likes and different desires - but we are all creatures of God.
This is what they all forget.
Live your life for Christ and Christ will radiate from you - as a gay man. If God had wanted you otherwise, He would have created you otherwise.
Have a great day...you are loved.
Warren and Steve
Thanks for your comments.
Yes, I have seen the movie and have forgotten about it. (Freud would have a lot to say about that!) I remember that sermon being quite moving.
I find myself moving toward wanting to spread Christ's love to all people no matter what. I am finding that my "anger" is morphing into energy to go out and make changes.
Thanks again for your comments and for your friendship. Even though we have never met, I consider you friends.
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