I really feel like a fool. I let my passive-aggressiveness get the better of me. I really acted like a child.
It all started when the idiot neighbor came into the store. I hate how he still just pisses the hell out of me! I hate how he digs up things about being bullied that still really hit a nerve.
Well, I decided to give him a cup of coffee just to be "nice." (Yeah, right. I wanted him to wonder what I had put into his coffee and make him paranoid. I did not put ANYTHING into it. I wouldn't do that.)
I found him in the bottle return section of the store and said that I had a cup of coffee just for him and put it in the cup holder on the cart. Suddenly he came bursting out of the bottle return yelling at me for (what sounded like) "saying coffee in front of his baby!" He also then called me a few other words which I will not repeat here.
He then proceeded to complain to a supervisor that I was trying to burn his kid by placing coffee near him. Finally, he took a complaint form from 'bucks and I guess is going to complain that someone tried to give him a free cup of coffee.
It just makes me angry that throughout this whole thing, he was the bully and the asshole and we are the ones who ended up moving and having to pay to have all our utilities moved. I thought that when I became an adult that I would be free from bullies. And it makes me mad to think that he might assume that since we moved, he "won."
I find that this tends to be a pattern of behavior of mine when I feel like I have lost all control: I try to do something to show that I do have control of something. I don't want some ox of a person thinking that he has some kind of control. And what ever happened to "be kind to your elders" anyway? That may also explain the "personal adornment." I just need to do something that says that I can make a difference in the world.
I feel like I am totally stagnating at good ol' 'bucks. My view of the world has become mighty small. All I do is stand and look out at people shopping for (and eating) fruit all day.
Maybe I am trying to get fired. Who knows. I NEED a new job!!!
2 comments:
Don't let the asshole(s) get you down, Ben. I think you offered the coffee as a gesture of Grace and reconciliation. He rejected it. I think he rejected it because he knew/knows who he is and rather than confront and change that he deflects his self-anger onto another (you).
It isn't about you. It's about him. You have done what you could, a cup of water (albeit hot) in the Name of reconciliation, kindness. Woe unto him, not you. You can't fix him.
I hope the job thing won't get to be a problem.
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