I really am beginning to understand how someone could "Go Postal." I would consider myself to be a fairly laid-back kind of person, but yet, lately I have really wanted to hurt someone. I know that after it happened, I would feel like crap. But there still is this desire to exert power over something in my life.
The idiot neighbor from downstairs again was pounding on the ceiling. I just want to deck him! So many other things have been happening in life that having a bully do his thing is just pushing me that much closer to doing something stupid.
I think it all has something to do with feeling like I have some kind of power in the world. Everything else seems to be exerting power over me, I finally want to be able to exert some power of my own. I want to the one making the decisions and not just following whatever I am being told.
I used to be in a situation where I was able to exert influence. Now I seem to have none at all. Part of me just wants to do something just to make something happen.
Package me up in the straight jacket. Get the macaroni and glue ready. I'm on my way!