Maybe it is the summer doldrums.
We are half-way through the time from when my previous church closed until the time the next possible call could come around. And quite frankly, it is getting long. I am one of those people who tends to "futz" over things. And having all of this time has allowed me to futz with abandon.
Why am I doing this?
Why does it seem like others always do better?
Why does it seem like things always work for others?
I know, I am falling into the "Why" trap. "Why" generally never solves anything. It is what it is and part of life is just learning how to deal with what is. But when I look at what life has been, all that comes to mind is "Why??"
Life is nothing like I had imagined. By this point in my life, I was supposed to be firmly ensconced in the career-path of my choice. I was supposed to have a house, wife, kids. I was supposed to be out tinkering in the garage and trimming the yard.
I was reading an article about a couple of gay pastors and the article was gushing about how wonderful these people are doing. Yes, I am happy for them, but it seems that the only stories that are published are the stories about the "successful gays." But what about the others? What about us who are struggling because of the stupidity and prejudice of others? What about those of us who don't have people rushing to give us the teaching jobs, the emerging churches? What about those of us who have gotten hit by the tsunami of fear and bigotry and are just trying to keep our heads above water? The articles want to put a happy face on the situation, but there are still people who have been hurt by the church and just rushing to the poster children isn't going to fix that.
I started this about 5 hours ago and have left it alone for a while. Kind of lost my steam. But this still makes me angry; just because the rule has changed doesn't mean everything is now ok.