There is a song by Depeche Mode called Blasphemous Rumor which seems to sum up what I am feeling about now.
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors
But I think that God has a sick sense of humor
And when I die
I expect to find him laughing
I just want the whole thing to stop. I am tired of being positive and upbeat. I am tired of "just trust[ing] in God." I am tired of it seeming as if nothing is going to ever work out. I get afraid of when things do work that suddenly something is going to go wrong.
Nick says that I will have a lot of sermon illustrations. I know he is trying to cheer me up, but I am sick of being a sermon illustration.
Why can't something go right for a change?
The former senior pastor called. He still has a job. I try to get over the whole thing but I just get so pissed off at times.
I wish Nick were here.