I think one of the things I realized about myself in going to the Churchwide assembly is that I miss having a community. As a pastor, I had a congregation and a group of colleagues. When I left, I lost my congregation, and my colleagues and not being a native of Michigan, I also really didn't have any friends nearby. I then became Episcopal, but still do not feel like like I belong. I kind of feel like a gate-crasher at the prom.
But being at the assembly, I saw people who I knew and with whom I had a past. I saw people who knew me before I was gay (Well, you know what I mean) and before I was a pastor. It was a reminder of that past life.
I met some very courageous people. In some ways, when I look at them, I feel like I took the "easy way" out by not staying and fighting. But I also realize that I did what I felt I needed to do and I there are no "do-overs" in life. So I need to just keep moving forward and helping others when possible.
What is scaring me is that whole loss of community feeling. I am no longer a Lutheran (at least in name) and I really don't feel like an Episcopalian. Being in this limnial state is very uncomfortable for me. I feel like I have no direction; like a ship's captain stuck in the Doldrums. And what is also unsettling is I don't see this ending.
Oh well, off to write a sermon for this weekend.
Go out and be the change you want to see in the world.
Oh, how could I forget! Thank you all, my online community, you mean a great deal to me! You have helped me in so many ways!