I heard something on the radio a few weeks ago and it got me thinking: What would you do if you knew you had to have a surgery that would save your life but would permanently diminish your intellectual capacity?
Sometime I wish I could have that surgery. I would like to know what it feels like to consider a 12 pack and NASCAR a good weekend. I would like to know how it feels to be able to get mine and walk away leaving everyone else to fend for themselves. I would like to know what it was like to really not care at all what was happening in the world. I would like to know what it was like to be content knowing that I am taken care of and that everyone else who is still struggling deserves it. I wonder what it feels like to know that God loves me so I am going to heaven and the rest of you will rot in hell.
I long for some surety in life. I long for things to be black and white. I am sick of caring.
I think I would have the surgery. Right now, I crave a simpler life. I crave one where I just need to look out for Nick and I and that is it.
Oh the thoughts of a wide awake brain in a tired body.