Friday, January 25, 2013

Saturday, January 19, 2013


I really don't know what to write about today.

Things are going well.  Off to Canada later today.  We have to bundle up because you know, it is ALWAYS  colder in Canada!  Granted, it is just across the river from Detroit, but in the process of crossing the river, the temperature drops.

What?  Oh!  That is Celsius!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Getting Off the (Not So) Merry-Go-Round

This could probably be classified as a first-world-problem.

When I look at the situation of my life, I divide them into three categories:  Things I can change; Things I can live with; Things I need to escape.  More and more I find the world to fall into the third category.  I find that trying to change things has become overwhelming.  I find that so many of the things I see I am not willing to live with.  So that leaves finding some way to get away from them; thus trying to get off the Not-So-Merry-Go-Round.

Perhaps I am trying to deny the "No matter where you go, there you are" truism.  I have the hope that fleeing the (perceived) idiots of the world will make life better.  Why should I wait to be a dirty-old man to become a beach bum, why can't I do that now?  Of course, I am speaking of a beach in a warm local!  But really, if life is sucking this much, it would seem to be time for a major change.

Don't know how this is going to look, but (at least for this afternoon) I have the resolution to make it happen.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Guns and Systems Theory

I have probably taken too many classes in Systems Theory, but when I look at the gun debate, I get the feeling something else is going on out there.

One of the big about Systems is to look for reactions that are out of "character" for the situations.  An example may be wishing someone a "Good Morning," and getting told that I just need to shut up and go back into my office.  (Yes, this did happen.  And no, it was not a joke.)  I told the person that I didn't know who she was angry with, but it's not me and I do not want to be the focus of her anger.  She did apologize and told me that she was upset with her husband.  The out of character reaction is a means of reducing stress and anxiety, but it is not directed in a place where it can do any good.

When I look at the question of gun control, I see a "shut up and go back into your office" reaction.  People screaming, people calling others "stupid."  (Yes, I have had a good friend, like "best-man-in-wedding" good friend, call me stupid.) People not listening to each other.  People are not talking about what is really bothering them, so we will go nowhere.

This is not going to be popular with some, but I still think this goes down to race.  We don't want to claim our racism, so it gets pushed down and erupts elsewhere.  There are still people who are not pleased we have a president who has darker skin than them.  We still have people who need to hold their white supremacy as a justification for their being.  If you ask these people, they will probably tell you that "it has nothing to do with race," but they would be lying.

I have prejudice.  I was raised in an almost totally white community.  Watching the news, black men are scary!  But also, I know that this is an over-generalization.  And I am working to increase my knowledge and trying to move forward.  But it took facing the ugly truth that "I AM PREJUDICED!"

There is a great page presented by Harvard that can help understand your implicit prejudices.  We all have them and in learning about them, we can start to address them and not let them infect our daily lives.

Harvard Project Implicit

This is not a place to argue Gun Policy.  Gun policy comments will be removed.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Back with the Reprieve

Again, doing much better today.  Spent yesterday with Nik, out and about.  Even though it was cold, we were by the water most of the day and ate lunch spying on the Canadians.  (The restaurant was across the St. Claire River from Canada.)  I hope the added sunshine helped.

I want to revisit something with depression:  I know most people, guys especially, want to jump in and start making comments on how to "fix" the situation.  If I can say anything, DON'T DO IT!  At least for me, when I feel depressed I am already thinking I am damaged beyond fixing, and the suggestions generally serve more to reinforce the FACT that I am damaged than to ease it.

An Example:  I was talking to a Bible study a while ago, and we got on the subject of depression.  One woman said, "I would tell the person to just give it all to God!"  (She was one of these overly perky people.) I just shook my head.  She continued:  "I would tell the person that Jesus loved them and wouldn't give them anything that they couldn't handle!"

I then explained what "someone" who was depressed might hear those statements.  I said that the person, if the person is a person of faith, probably HAS already given it all to God.  The person has probably been praying earnestly that God intercede but has not seen any evidence of  intervention.  So now, the person is hearing confirmation that God does not hear their prayers.  I then explained that the "Jesus won't give you more than you can handle" will also fall flat.  If God is not listening to prayers, Jesus obviously does not care. If Jesus does not care, then Jesus cannot be counted upon to make sure things did not go beyond someone's ability to handle them.

Yes, the woman was trying to help, but without an understanding of the illogical thought process of the depressed person, it just makes things worse.

I would explain that the first thing to do is to acknowledge the feelings of the person.  Acknowledge that the person is feeling overwhelmed.  "But won't that just feed into the person's illness?"  No, it will allow the person to know that you are hearing what they are saying.  It allows the person to know that you are not going to contribute to their problems.  Acknowledging the way the person is feeling allows the person to not feel blamed.  (Blame as in, "This is my fault because I do not love Jesus enough" or whatever.  Blame or trying to fix is not useful at this point.  Actually, blame is never a good thing.)

Next thing is to try to break into the behavior pattern and send it into a different direction.  This is not to tell the person that what he or she is feeling is bad, but to add something to it.  If possible, go walking with the person, get a cup of coffee, something.  Find a way to interfere with the behavior pattern.  At least for me, depression is like a deeply rutted path; it is almost easier to stay in the ruts rather than get out of them.  The ruts allow the person to travel without using a lot of energy. Unfortunately, the ruts will always lead to the same place.  So although it is easier, it is still a bad path.  Getting out of the rut takes some help.  Yesterday, like I said, Nik and I went out walking along the river, antique shopping, having lunch along the river.  Making fun of the Canadians!  (You know, it is 20 degrees colder on the other side of the river.)  And being able to talk.  I was able to tell Nik my fears that my depressed feelings were weighing on him.  He assured me that he was in it for the long haul and that I do not need to worry about him kicking me to the curb.  That reassurance helped to free-up some of my energy so that I could start to work on changing my outlook.

The best thing to do is to just listen and reassure; there is no need to try to fix it.  If you win the person's trust, you will have an opportunity to help, but until then, you are not the person's therapist, just be the person's friend.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Continued Thoughts

Well the reprieve of yesterday seems to have expired.

One of the functioning problems that I find is that I usually like a certain level of background stimulation in my life.  But when I get into funks like this, finding that level is tricky:  I can very  quickly move from optimal level to overstimulated in a very short time.  And the only way I can describe this is to say that the over-stimulation is painful.

Again, at this point, the either/or thinking takes over.  "What if I had a job and had to work?"  "Would I be able to work in the public sphere?"  It is hard to even work on glass, with the litany of "failure," and "you can't do anything right," coursing over my cortex.

So, today becomes a day of doing things to keep moving.  I have some parts of glass that need to be cut, this shouldn't be too difficult.  I have a project that needs to be foiled, that will probably wait.  This may sound counter-intuitive, but the pieces that need to be cut are very large and the pieces that need to be taped are very small.  I don't think I have the wherewithal to deal with the little pieces today.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Life Continues

I am in a much better state today.  That is a good thing!

Another of the problems of depression is that I tend to heap more and more pressure upon myself.  I feel horrible, but I don't want to ruin Nik's day.  I don't want people to ask, "What's wrong?"  I don't want to be any trouble.  Contrary to what some may say -- that it is all for attention -- when I am depressed, I DON'T want to be the center of attention.

This means summoning up the energy to "act normal" around Nik.  This means finding the proper level of social interactions.  (Too little will incite the "Is there anything wrong?" question, too much will become annoying.)  Often it means avoiding people, period.  When I have to be around people, I do my best to be in and out as fast as possible.

I'm guessing that depression is not really attractive.  I don't "hide" it from Nik, but I also don't give him "both barrels."  I don't want to be a downer for him, but I find it so tiring to yank myself up.

So, on top of feeling like hell, I begin to feel guilty because I am not the perky partner that I think I sould be.  I love having Nik around, but I feel like I am being a weight around his neck.  So this just adds to the feelings of futility and brokeness.

Again, I think many people assume that depressed people are doing it because they want attention.  In my case, that is often the farthest from the truth.  I don't want to be around people because they take too much energy and I don't want to be the cause of their having a bad time.  I look at that last sentence and realize that I am not responsible for others feelings, but when I am depressed, that doesn't matter. 

What also is lacking is nuanced decision making.  When I am depressed, things are pretty black and white.  This causes problems because anything that happens takes on an added immediacy:  My attitude is going to ruin everyone's day.  My depression is going to make Nik kick me out.  There is no shades of gray here, everything becomes either/or.  Also, things take on "Forever" status, as in, "This is NEVER going to change.  These problems will be here FOREVER."  Logic does not work well with this.  I generally know enough to know that I am amplifying the problems and can keep myself from doing anything stupid.  Nik knows enough to say that I am "awfulizing."  This helps to get me past the crisis.

Saturday, January 12, 2013


NOTE:  I am not sure why I am writing this.  A part of me, I am sure, IS hoping someone can take away the pain.  Another part, thought, is hoping that people will see that depression is more than "just feeling really sad."  My hope is that we might be able to learn that depression is more than just a "moral flaw" or being "lazy and immature."  It is more than "just wanting attention."  My hope is that someone may learn something that will help another as that person struggles.

I am turning off comments.  Not looking to be a drama queen or anything.  Recording my feelings and not wanting any drama.

It is an interesting place to be in life.  As I said before, I am tired of living, but not quite ready to die.  (I have been told that I have enough "ego strength" to get through most situations, I guess I am relying on that.)  The feeling of just drifting is disconcerting.

The facts:  I am not stupid.  I often take things too personally.  I believe that people can make a difference.  I want to believe that people will make the right choice.  (I believe that the "right" choice is the choice I would make!)  I believe we are capable of moving beyond our desire to get "my fair share" and can look at the bigger picture.

I also grew up with a perfectionist father.  He was constantly in search of the "perfect."  Of course, no one ever lives up to perfect.  But in my head, "be perfect" equals "gets dad's love."  So I have "inherited" his perfectionism, and this perfectionism often takes on the immediacy of a small panicked child searching for his parent.

When confronted with inability to reach perfection, this panic become hopelessness and depression.  The world  looks bleak.  The concept of doing anything becomes a losing prospect because it will never be perfect, let alone "good enough."  According to my thought process, I should not try to do anything because there is probably another person that can do it better, and if I am in the situation, I am preventing the more qualified person from fixing everything.

The logical adult knows that this whole thought process is really quite insane; but the panicked child is running around, faster and faster, trying to find dad and getting more an more depressed.  And every rejection just goes to verify that I will never be good enough.

One of my fantasies is to be able to remove myself from the world, kind of like George Bailey.  However, in my scenario, everyone does better without me.  (This would be expected since I "cannot do anything right."  Therefore, if I were not present, then things would be better all around.)  This is not said as a plea for pity, but as a statement of "perceived" fact.  The logic:  I cannot do anything right so if I were not here, I would not be able to ruin things.  I know people care about me and love me, so this makes the removal of myself difficult.  I do not want to inflict pain on these people I love, and I know these people would be hurt if I left (no, "Oh!  Woe is me!"  I know people care about me) but there is definitely a part that wants to tell these people that they WOULD be better off without me.

I guess this could sound like grandiosity.  But isn't the whole George Bailey thing a bit grandiose?  I don't have the chutzpah to think that my life has a whole lot of pull in the grand scheme of things.  I just know that I do not want to hurt those who love me.  THAT is what keeps me going.

On a purely cognitive level, I know that  what I am feeling is irrational, but are those deep seated, childhood-based fears ever rational?

Friday, January 11, 2013


I am becoming more and more of the thought that the would is going crazy and I just want to be rid of it.  I want to move away and just let the idiots be idiots.  Maybe I am overreacting to things but hey, this is me we are talking about.

Lately I am tired of living but afraid of dying.  Don't know how to really deal with this.  I "joke" about finding an ice flow somewhere.  Don't know what that will accomplish.

I just want to get away from all the crazy in the world.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Thoughts on Church Growth

I have been reading a lot of church profiles lately.  A church profile is the information a church puts together to "sell" itself to potential clergy.

What I find is that a lot of churches are looking for ways to grow their congregation.  This is justified if we look at the way congregational numbers continue to drop.  We may see some growth in the mega-churches, but even that trend seems to be waning.  So with so many people lamenting the lack of church growth, and not having a huge die-off in potential church attenders, we must be doing something wrong in how we are the church to the world.

I think most people who say that they want to "grow the church" are looking for some technique that will bring people "in the doors."  Frankly, I think this is totally wrong.  When we get to thoughts like this, we become a commodity, just like anything else in society.  When we try to come up with a technique to lure people in, we are saying more about our faith than we are saying about the changes in society.

Growing a vibrant has to do with the congregations understanding of just what it means to be a congregation.  How is a congregation different than The Rotary, or The Junior League?  If people are looking for community, they can find it with the little league parents or with the dance moms; why do they need to come to church?  If we cannot come up with a convincing answer for ourselves, we will never come up with a convincing answer for someone else.

Often, I think congregations become just that, a way to socialize.  Not that finding a group with whom to socialize is bad!  But when your whole focus is on prying into all the "good gossip" of a particular group, well, there are some problems.  If we cannot see how congregational affiliation changes our life, then we cannot advocating for it changing others' lives.  If we do not feel that it has been a blessing to us, we will not want to share that blessing to others.  To me, it sounds simple.  But I would think to others, this is not a path of thought that has been much traveled.

I think to "grow the church" we need to "grow the faith of those present."  When evangelism become something that we just can't help but do, then we are on our way.  We do this all the time!  "Oh!  You HAVE to see Lincoln!  It is just the BEST movie!"  "The BEST beaches are found on the Jersey coast!  You need to plan a vacation there!"  We do it all the time, why don't we do it with our faith?  Are we less excited about our faith than the latest blockbuster movie?

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Do the Crazy Know They Are Crazy?

I have been wondering about this for a while.  Sometimes I look at what is going on around me and I just have to shake my head.  I see what is happening in the world and get, well, not necessarily scare.

I do NOT want to live in a country where everyone has/needs a gun.  This concept is just crazy to me.  And what freaks me out more is that people who I trust and respect are all gung-ho about guns.  But it just sounds like total idiocy.  We are supposed to feel safer with MORE guns around?  And it doesn't look like it is going to end.  I do not want to live in a country where people are always so afraid that we need to be jumping at every movement.  

People say, "USA: love it or leave it."  Do you know how hard it is to leave it?  I can almost see Canada from my house, and I can drive there.  But to stay there is much more difficult.  I don't love the US anymore. I am ashamed of our country.  I am ashamed of the bullying that occurs on so may levels.  We have become a country where all we do is attack each other.

Am I crazy in wanting to leave?  Am I crazy in seeing our country going down a path that leads to places even more frightening?  I feel at a loss to do anything.

No, you are not going to convince me that more guns are ok.  Don't even try.  Comments that go in that direction will be removed.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013


In my opinion, the one point that should be DRILLED into people's' heads is the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE).  What the FAE says is that we attribute situational causes to our behavior while attributing dispositional causes to others behavior.  Perhaps an example would help:  I cut people off in traffic because I am late and need to get to my appointment.  You cut people off in traffic because you are a self-serving, self-engaged, Republican idiot.

Why this should be drilled into people's heads is because it IS fundamental.  We all do it, and we do it without even thinking about it.  But, it is also an ERROR!  And being an error, it gets in the way of being kind.  Look at how many attribution errors are made:  gays are unethical, Republicans are idiots, Baptists are  self-righteous pharisees, Muslims are bellicose freaks...  When we want to categorize any group of people, we start making attribution errors.

Even when we deal with single people we do this.  I may be feeling ill and am being quiet, but others may think I am being either shy, aloof, or judgmental.  The judgment of others has not basis in reality, but they assume it to be true.  And it often becomes the basis with which future interactions are framed.

How many arguments could be saved if we give the person the benefit of a doubt?  How many marriages could be saved?

I was just thinking:  When we are making FAE's about the other person, they are making FAE's about us!  How many conflicts are based solely on bad assumptions?

Monday, January 07, 2013

A country of Children

I so want to be a humanist.  I so want believe that people will do the good thing if only given the opportunity.  I SOOOOO want to believe that.  But, frankly, life does everything in its power to make me believe otherwise.

Would good humans allow their neighbors to go hungry?  Would good humans twist facts and take advantage of their neighbors weaknesses?   Would good humans say, "Do your job and don't complain or you'll be fired"?  I don't think so.

Supposedly, good humans not only look out for themselves, but also look out for others.  Supposedly good humans may give up some self-fulfillment in order to provide some fulfillment for others.  Supposedly good humans look beyond their own self-interest to the interest of those in their community.  The Humanists would say that just given enough time, humans would reach this point.

How long do we have to wait?  Humans have been around for 6,000 years! (Oops!) Humans have been around for millions of years.  You would think that we could finally reach that pinnacle.  But we haven't.  And quite sadly, I don't know if we ever will.  Too many people are too worried about their own preservation than to consider the preservation, let alone fulfillment, of those around them.

All that I seem to hear in the news is, "I want to have MY rights" or "I want to make sure that I am safe."  No thought about how WE can work together.  No thought about how good humans should work together.

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Epiphany or Who were those Kings anyway?

Ah, Epiphany!  I remember as a kid singing the song about the Kings of Orien Tar.  Now, I didn’t know what Orien Tar was, I guessed it was kind of like Dubuque Steel or something.  And the part that really confused me was why these three kings would try to smoke a rubber cigar; totally confused me.  But I guessed if you were silly enough to try to smoke a rubber cigar, when it explodes you shouldn’t be too surprised.
But seriously, like many of you, I grew up with the tale of the three kings who would march around the living room to eventually show up at the stable just in time for us to take the Christmas tree down.  Never quite sure why they were there or why they were late to the party.  All I knew is these were kings and they brought some expensive gifts with them.
Well, as I grew, (and went to seminary!) I learned more about these kings.  I learned that they probably weren’t kings at all and we really don’t know how many of them there were.  We know that they are referred to as “Magi” which would lead us to believe that they were men of learning and highly respected.  We are told that they were Astrologers, which had a very different meaning in Biblical times than it does now.  Astrologers were the scientist of the times.  They were the ones who would do the experiments and seek to find the truth.  We also should remember that the Magi were probably Zoroastrians, a popular religion of the time, but definitely NOT Jewish.
So we have these odd men, these men from another county, and another religion, coming to seek Jesus.  We have these scientists traveling to find Jesus.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that the Magi were scientists, or that they were from another religion.  It shows us just how far reaching the message of Jesus is. This message reaches from the lowest of the shepherds to the learned and elite of other faith traditions.  With the Magi, we are shown that Christ’s message is not just for the “in group,” but for the whole world!  What we learn is that God is not going to settle for just the “tried and true” methods of spreading the message; God is going to use the unexpected, the absurd, and the preposterous.  God is going to send the message out in those forms where it will reach the people who need to hear.  We see the fulfillment of the spread of this message through these scientists of all people!  Often the religious people of today would have us believe that the scientific community is trying to destroy God, but God, in the people of the Magi, is showing us that science is not something to be feared, but is also a valid way to spread the message.
I find myself being pulled by God to seek out new ways to spread the message, and from talking with many of you here; I feel that God is moving you in the same direction.  We need to remember that one of the “locals” of the story, King Herod, was frightened by the message and the Magi.  He was afraid of what might be happening and that he may lose his power in the process.  Instead of embracing the message, Herod seeks to kill the massage.  (Quite literally!)  But even this one man’s powerful fear and powerful means of stopping the message would not stop the light of Christ from coming into the world.  The message of Christ will be spread, but will we be part of the process, or will we stand in its way?
The Epiphany can make us shudder in fear.  Our familiar and comfortable ways of experiencing the message of Christ may be getting yanked in all kinds of directions.  We may find those seeking the truth may not look like us, may not act like us, and may not even come from the same faith traditions as us.  People may be coming to seek Christ in the most unconventional of places.  But we need not fear these people.  They may seem alien to us as I am sure the Magi seemed to Mary and Joseph, but they come seeking the same Christ as we seek.  We don’t need to hide away from these people, we need to prepare ourselves for these seekers.  The question becomes:  When we meet these travelers, how are we going to respond? 
The Magi did not find Jesus by going to church and participating in Bible studies.  Now, granted, these are the “old faithful” ways that people come to faith, but these are not the only ways.  The Magi were looking to the skies and studying their maps.  They were using their God-given gifts and talents and stumbled upon this truth they needed to explore!  They probably did not think, “Humm, we need to go to Church.”  They were probably thinking that there was something more out there and they needed to find it!  When we stick to our cherished old ways of presenting God to the world, we may miss those who are staring up at the sky to find Christ.  We may miss those who do not follow the rules as we learned them.  We may miss the people who would never think of looking inside of a building.  And when we miss these people, not only do we miss the opportunity to share Christ’s love with them, but we also miss the truth that God has imparted to them.  When we miss the stranger, our life is lacking because of it.
I am sad because it seems that many branches of Christianity are turning away the Magi of today.  They respond as King Herod to the message these scientists bring.  It is as if anything that may seem to contradict the Bible is tossed aside.  If we do not like the message, we get rid of the messengers.  But we can see that God is so much bigger than that.  God did not run from the message of the Magi, but incorporated their truth into the greater truth that is for us all.  We do not need to fear the people looking into the sky but look up with them to see what we have been missing.
It is especially wonderful that we welcome three new people into the family of Christ on this day!  These children will see things that we could never even dream of!  These children will communicate in ways that are only science fiction right now.  A whole world of wonder stands before them.  My prayer is that church embraces these new ways of seeing, of doing, of being!  That we do not fear the message as Herod feared, but look to these travelers to teach us the things that have been imparted to them.  I also pray that we have the courage to share our truths with them; to pass our faith onto them and provide them with a care and guidance. And I finally pray that we have the faith to allow God to work in ways that may make us shudder in fear, but also may make us cry out in praise.
We have been greatly gifted by God.  We have our families, our church family, our newest members to our church family, and a community of people seeking truth.  We need to remember that God is going to call all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds and that we need not fear this.  God can bring all kinds of people together to learn and to find support.  And like Mary and Joseph, we can accept and cherish their gifts, or like Herod, we can lash out in fear.

Friday, January 04, 2013

A Belief That Gets Me In Trouble

I seriously believe in the adage, "Be the change you want to see."  And, unfortunately, this belief has gotten me into some trouble.  I will pick up cigarette butts that people have thrown down and hand them back to the people.  I have pointed out to people that the spot outside the mall, that they happen to be parked in, is a No Parking Zone.

I question why people should think that these rules do not apply to them.

This adage also tends to put a lot of pressure on me.  I have trouble going with the flow if I see something that I feel is wrong.  I think  sometimes we have the problems that we have because we don't want to get involved.  But if we just let things go, aren't we tacitly approving of it?  I don't know if the people in the no parking zone will never park there again, but I hope that they will think about it before they do.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Thoughts on Marriage Equality

Nik and I celebrated out First Wedding Anniversary yesterday.  We have been together for seven years, but we have only been legally married for one.  And from what I can tell, we have not destroyed a single heterosexual (or homosexual) marriage in the process.

This whole thing reminds me of bullying.  "We have it and we are not going to let you have it."  It reminds me of the "prestige" car effect:  We have a Cadillac, that makes us better than you!  Oh no, you can now afford a Cadillac!!  We have a Lexus, that makes us better than you!  The people complained because "teh gays" were just horny hormone bags, they really didn't want to do anything other than have sex.  But now "teh gays" want to settle down and have families.  "Oh no!  They are not just horny hormone bags!"  That would put "teh gays" on the same level as anyone else and we can't have that.  (Oh no, they want our Lexusi!)

Actually, what we considered our anniversary is actually more Biblical than most.  If we consider consummation the marker of marriage, our old date is much more Biblical.  But most usually don't want to think about that.  Lacking a formal way of recognition, we look for other ways to celebrate our bonds.  It might be Biblical, it may be when we move in together, it may be when we get our first lease.  That society is reluctant to provide a formal recognition is sad.  It reminds me of slaves jumping the broom; since those in power would not provide a recognized rite, the people came up with their own.
Again, the complaint was that gay people could not form bonds.  And when that is shown to be wrong, then we need to come up with something so we can keep thinking of LGBT people as "them."  It is so much easier to be cruel to a "them" than to  soften our hearts and think of those who might be different as "us."

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Finding a Job

I need to find a job, but is right after Christmas the opportune time to look?  How to turn this into an opportunity.

Part of the problem is dealing with seasonal affective disorder and the frustration of not being able to find a congregation.  The inertia can become deadening.  (Part of the reason for doing these blogs, to start a pattern of accomplishments.)  For how much I question ever going back to the church, that is where my heart lies.

The demons in my head are constantly talking to me.  It takes a lot of energy to silence the litany of "You do everything wrong."  The amount of energy to look for the places where I have done things correctly can become tiring.  I know that I do not do everything wrong, but those deep planted comments have a way of taking root.  Maybe some light therapy will help!

Started  putting away the Christmas stuff for this past season.  Not as sad as in the past.  I guess, even with its financial lacks and all, this year was pretty good.  I guess I was not expecting a Christmas Miracle, so I was not upset when it didn't happen.  But not expecting a miracle allowed me to enjoy the Christmas that I had.

I have some stained glass work to keep me going too.  So if I can overcome the inertia, I have things that I can do.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Self-Imposed Challenge

I am going to try something this year.  It may be just a self-indulgence, but I hope it is something more.  I am going to try to blog something everyday.

I need to establish some form of discipline.  My cousin wrote hikus during December.  I am not that creative.  But maybe I can play with some thoughts here.  No guarantee these post will be worth reading, but I shall give it a shot.