Well, I got another "Dear Fr. Ben" letter from a congregation. I got denied from cover letter and resume alone.
It makes it really hard to keep going. I keep wondering if this is the thing I should be doing and then it seems that I keep running into roadblocks. One can only keep going and trusting for so long before the question needs to be asked, "Maybe the GPS has the wrong directions?"
My clergy career has been rocky, at best. It has been strewn with ghosts of past alcoholic pastors, power hungry secretaries, rude congregational volunteers, and various children dressed in adult suits. Really, it shouldn't be this hard.
And now, I feel pained into a corner because my other skills in the psych area are a bit rusty. I would have trouble going back into the field just from dusty credentials. So what I have done doesn't seem to want me any more, and my longer past is no longer up to date. I feel like I have nothing that I can do and I am still paying on my degree that allowed me the "privilege" of working in the church.
Going back to school would incur more debt, but I also do not want to go back to Starbux, I think if I had to continually serve "Upside-down Caramel Macciatos," I would, in not kill someone, at least serious scald someone.
I have got to wonder if I even want to be associated with "Christian" no days. What passes for Christian in no way represents what I believe. I feel that congregations just want to be little "Drama Centers" or little fiefdoms. It seems that people don't really want to be about the work of Christ, but they want to claim to be.
I know I keep crying "wolf" about ditching the clergy thing, but it is a constant presence in my mind. I am notorious for getting into crusades, and I wonder if the whole priest thing was just another crusade that I tossed my life after.
I am getting tired of doing nothing. I have to get some kind of discipline in my life, but it is hard. Everything just seems to take on a "why bother" aura.