Monday, November 12, 2007

Today At Work

This is kind of a whiny post, so I am sorry.

I ran into a former colleague of mine today at work. He looked at me behind the counter at Starbucks and asked what I was doing back there. Then he said, "Or would that be too long of a story?" I said that it was a long story but involved the Episcopal church and decisions made at the ELCA churchwide assembly. He gave me a knowing nod and said we should get together and talk.

I just want to be a pastor. I just want to serve in the church like I used to. After seven years of being a Lutheran, I don't want to have to learn how to be an episcopal. Why is this happening?

The rector I work with keeps telling me that I need to take time to heal, but how can healing occur when everything around me keeps inflicting pain? To be someplace, doing something, would help. But when I get done with a weekend like this past weekend, working and doing church work, I just want to quit. I don't hate my job. I don't hate the church. I am just tired of being in Episcopal limbo.

Seeing colleagues is such a bittersweet thing. I miss the people I came to consider my friends. But when I see them again, it drives home the point that I am not one of them, I am an other.

Sorry about the whine.


Anonymous said...

You're allowed to whine. As we joke at my place of work when one of us whines, the rest bring the cheese. :)

Ur-spo said...

it is sooo frustrating not to be doing what you feel a passion to do.