Nights are the worst for me. It is like the minute I lie down, my brain kicks into overdrive. Without the daily destractions, I am more vividly reminded of just how much of a loser I have become. And the problem is, it doesn't appear to be getting any better.
I truly hate what is becoming of my life. I have no energy, I have no direction, I have no desire to do anything. I am awake all day and can't sleep at night. I am 42 years old and am going nowhere. I was going to write "doing" back there, but my fingers started to type "going." What would Dr. Freud say about that?
I fell like I am a burden on society. I feel like I have things to offer, it is just that nobody wants them.
I shouldn't say that because I have Nick, he is what is literally keeping me alive. But is that too big of a burden to place on one person?
I am starting to think about packing. Part of me just wants to pile everything up and move. Staying here is like having a "Good Bye" party and then showing up the next day. It is awkward.
This is like a nightmare that I just can't seem to wake up from.