Well, the moment I try to close my eyes, I ruminate on all the bills that need to be paid. My mind whirls with shut-off notices. I am so frustrated that nothing seems to be happening.
I am on the futon so I don't keep Nick up because he has to work tomorrow. But that just means that I will be home alone tomorrow, dodging phone calls.
I am tired of life but too chicken to end it. I cannot see an ending to this. Something has to give soon: either the world needs to change or I am going to give out.
Where is God in all of this? I am beginning to think that God is some kind of construct we create so we don't have to face the terror that this is all there is.